


The Continuing Adventures Of Kayla Winchester

by AGJ1990



Series: Kayla Winchester [9]
Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-01-24 17:02:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 64,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21341662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGJ1990/pseuds/AGJ1990
Summary: Kayla right after graduating high school and through her adult life.
Series: Kayla Winchester [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1432306
Comments: 17
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The characters of Supernatural do not belong to me.

Kayla could barely hear the crowd of people who had gone up to speak about Bobby. Many of them praised him, some of them pretended that they didn't like him and then admitted that they loved him, a few of them were weeping loudly.

Kayla couldn't help but feel angry. At Bobby, for dying, at her family, for making her have to insist on holding the service, at Todd, for being too supportive, at the world or God or whatever unseen force it was that had decided to take Bobby from her.

It had been ten days since she'd gone over to visit Bobby, who'd gone to bed early the night before, claiming he didn't feel well. She'd brought over a bowl of soup that her mother had made the night before, and a batch of cookies she'd made herself. Her world seemed to be perfect. She'd graduated high school, had an almost full scholarship to the University of South Dakota, Todd would be going to school with her, and everything seemed to be in place.

Until she'd made it to Bobby and her grandfather's house.

It was early in the morning, but she knew well that John and Bobby were both _supposed_ to be awake. Neither of them slept in very much. She smelled coffee coming from the kitchen, and found her grandfather at the table reading the newspaper. She greeted him warmly, offered him one of the cookies she'd made, and asked about Bobby.

"He's still sleeping."

Curious, Kayla ignored her grandfather's request that she leave Bobby alone and let him sleep. She could tell it was a request and not an order by the way he said it. He was worried. Bobby just wasn't one to sleep in past six, ever, and if he was, he was either sick or extremely tired.

Now Kayla wished he'd just been tired.

Kayla had carefully walked up the steps with the soup in her hand. She knocked on the door and, when she heard no answer, walked in. Bobby had been curled up under the covers, completely still. A pit formed in Kayla's stomach, one she tried to ignore but that was screaming at her _turn! run! don't go to the bed! _She carefully set the soup down on the nightstand next to Bobby's bed, on which were laying his keys, phone, and some assorted change, next to a picture taken a few years before of him holding a baby Mary while Kayla sat grinning next to him. She'd pulled the covers back and grabbed Bobby's shoulder.

"Hey. Hey, you. Wake up." Noticing that Bobby looked pale, Kayla had placed a hand on Bobby's cheek...which was stone cold. "Bobby?"

The hours after were filled with Kayla screaming for John, ambulances, tears, various people coming in and out, and her mother trying to be gentle as she broke the news that Bobby hadn't been sick the night before. He'd been having a heart attack, and it seemed to have killed him as he slept.

_No shit, Sherlock,_ an angry Kayla had wanted to say but didn't.

Her next clear memory was hearing her father say that there wouldn't be any kind of service for Bobby. Kayla had, to put it nicely, flipped out. Sam had tried to explain that Bobby didn't want a service, that he only wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread where he'd spread his former wife's ashes. Quick, simple, and to the point.

"Too bad. He's not here, he doesn't get to make the call. I'll put it together myself if I have to."

And put it together she did. She called Bobby's friends, worked through their various schedules and found a day that they could all be there, and worked long into the night figuring out the best place to do it. She'd finally settled on getting some folding chairs from the church down the road and setting them up in Bobby's backyard. The gathering was small, but it was worth the effort for Kayla.

As her father got up to speak, Kayla heard him acknowledge her efforts in putting together the service, but she couldn't feel thankful for the kind words. She was thinking back on memories of Bobby, and instead of comforting her, they were making her feel worse. Staying with him over the weekend at age three as her parents took a 'Mommy and Daddy' weekend. Arguing with him when she started kindergarten about how she wasn't little anymore, she was a big girl and found it 'mean' to call her otherwise. Bobby picking her up and swinging her around, making them both incredibly dizzy, then gladly doing it again just because she was begging him to. Throwing up on his shoes during one particular session of spinning, thinking he was mad about it, only to see him laugh and tell her 'your Daddy used to puke a lot when I did that with him'. Bobby talking to her when she got in trouble, rather than yelling or spanking her like her Daddy might have done, and helping her understand why what she did was wrong.

Sam wrapped up what he had to say, and walked over to Kayla. She had been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she hadn't seen him approach, and jumped when he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Sorry." he said. "Did you hear me?"

"No. What'd you say?"

"Did you want to say something? It's okay if you don't." Sam said.

Kayla nodded. "Yeah. I will."

"Okay." Sam smiled and sat back down.

Todd, who was sitting beside Kayla holding her hand, squeezed it and asked, "Do you want me to go up there with you?"

"Not now. I'll wave you up if I want you, though."

Todd nodded, and Kayla stepped over to the music stand she'd put up. The pastor of the church who had donated the folding chairs had given it to her, and even helped bring the chairs and the stand to the house to set them up. He'd assured her that she could use them all day and either he or a deacon of the church would be by to pick them up the next day, then offered counselling to Kayla or any member of her family that may need it. Kayla had graciously declined the offer, but thanked him for the help and sent him on his way. Kayla gathered her courage and looked out on her small gathering.

"I thought I knew what to say." she began. "But I don't."

She swallowed and looked to Todd, waving him up to join her. When he was standing beside her, one hand holding hers and the other rubbing her back, she felt calmer and started to talk. "When I was in kindergarten, my teacher asked us to tell her about our families. I told her about my Mommy, and my Daddy, and my uncle Dean, and my Grandma Leslie and Grandpa John. I told her how much I loved them, but she cut me off. She thought I was done…”

_Thirteen Years Earlier_

_“Okay, Kayla. That was great.” _

_“Wait. I’m not finissed.” Five-year-old Kayla said indignantly, putting her hands to her hips to try and make her point. _

_Mrs. Rainey, amused, chuckled and apologized. “I’m sorry, Kayla. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. Go on.” _

_“I have my uncle Bobby too.” _

_“Your uncle Bobby? Is he your mommy’s brother or daddy’s?” _

_“Neither one. He’s my Grandpa’s friend.” _

_“Oh. I see.” Mrs. Rainey said. “So he’s an adopted family member?” _

_“What’s adopted?” Kayla asked._

_“It means that you’ve made someone a family member who wasn’t born a family member.” Mrs. Rainey explained. When Kayla looked confused, Mrs. Rainey explained it in a different way. “Do you remember when you said that your uncle Dean was your Daddy’s brother?” _

_“Yes, ma’am.” _

_“Well, then your uncle Bobby would be adopted. Since he wasn’t born into your family.” _

_“But that doesn’t matter.” Kayla insisted. “Uncle Bobby’s still my family.” _

_Mrs. Rainey realized that trying to explain this to Kayla right now wouldn’t work. Her colleagues had tried to tell her she was crazy for attempting to teach kindergarteners how family members were related to each other. It was too advanced for them, they told her. So far, the lesson had gone over well. She’d even gotten compliments from parents, as it seemed to make her students more interested in learning about their families. _

_But, as Kayla pointed out, family didn’t always mean the people born into it. It was the people in your life who were there, no matter what. Kayla had learned a lesson, Mrs. Rainey realized, far more valuable than anything she could have told her. _

_“You’re absolutely right, Kayla. Your uncle Bobby is very special.” _

_Kayla grinned. “Yes, ma’am.” _

_“Is there anything else you want to say to us about him?” _

“I couldn’t think of anything, so I ended it there.” Kayla explained, sniffling as she shifted her feet. “But I think if I could’ve kept going, I would’ve said something I heard Bobby say a lot. He told me once that family isn’t blood. Blood means nothing. It’s who’s in your life that wants you in theirs.” Kayla sniffed again and brought her speech to a close. “He’d hate this. So I’ll stop now. Thanks everybody for coming.”

With that, Kayla stepped down and took her seat. Sam dismissed everyone, and Kayla sat, thinking about Bobby. She nodded politely whenever any of the few guests said anything to her, but just as the last one was leaving, Sam approached Kayla and Todd.

“Todd, can you give me a few minutes alone with Kay?”

“Sure.” Todd said. “I’m going in the house to help you Mom with dinner, okay?”

“Okay.” Kayla said quietly.

“Hey.” Todd grabbed Kayla’s hand and squeezed it, making her look up from her trance. “You did good today.”

“That’s right.” Sam agreed.

“Thanks. Both of you.”

Todd went inside, and Sam took a seat next to Kayla. “What are you thinking about?”

It was a long moment before Kayla spoke. “I miss him.”

“I know. I do too.” Sam said. “He loved you, you know.”

“I know.” Kayla said.

“He told me once you were the granddaughter he never had.” Sam said. “Did you know, before you were born, that he bought all your baby clothes?”

Kayla, taken aback by Sam’s revelation, laughed. “What?”

“He did. Your grandpa Lloyd bought your crib and your playpen, your mom and your grandma stocked up on diapers and blankets and baby supplies. Next thing we know, your mom’s eight and a half months and we only have a couple onesies for you.”

Kayla laughed again, the first time she’d done so in days. “Really?”

“Really. It was right after your grandpa Lloyd’s funeral. Bobby called one night and said he was coming over. He got to your grandma’s house with three full bags of clothes. He kept you in clothes until you were almost a year old.” When Kayla doubled over in laughter, Sam asked, “What’s so funny?”

“I’ve seen my baby clothes. The white frilly dress, the pink stuff, the…wait, did he buy those ugly bows that Mom used to put in my hair?”

“Yep. He did.”

“I’m just imagining Bobby walking through some store somewhere stockpiling little girls’ clothes.”

It was Sam’s turn to laugh. “He was excited about having a little girl around after helping take care of me and Dean so much.”

“Do you think he liked this?”

“Yes. I do. It was short, sweet, and simple. He would’ve really appreciated it.” Sam said. “Thank you for convincing me to do it.”

“I keep thinking about all the stuff he’s not gonna be there for now.”

“Take it from someone who’s been there. You can’t focus on that.” Sam said. “You remember what I said when your Grandma died?”

“I think so.” Kayla said. “After a while, I’ll be able to think about it without it hurting so much?”

“That’s right.” Sam promised.

“Dad? I’m sorry. I know you loved him too.”

“I did. Thanks, babe.” Sam said. “Come on, let’s go get some food.”

“Hey. I was thinking. Grandpa’s gonna be by himself for the first time in a long time.”

“Kind of. Yeah. What are you asking?”

“Well…” Kayla shifted slightly in her seat. “Would it hurt your feelings if I stayed with Grandpa until I left for school?”

“You know your uncle Dean’s planning to move in with him.”

“I know. But I’ve got six weeks until school starts. I think it would cheer him up.” Kayla explained.

Sam smiled. “No, honey. That wouldn’t hurt my feelings at all. I think it’s a great idea.”

“What’s a great idea?”

Kayla and Sam turned. John had approached them from the house. Sam had been worried that his father would start drinking again once Bobby had died. But the steady stream of friends and family seemed to be bolstering him up. Kayla grinned.

“I’m moving back in with you.”

“Excuse me?” John asked. “This was just decided?”

“Yep.” Kayla said. She leaned over and whispered something to Sam, who nodded in agreement. “And Mom, Dad, and Mary are coming over for dinner every night.”

“Do I get a choice in all this?”

“Nope.” Kayla said.

John faked an exasperated sigh, but it was clear he was relieved. Sam lived four doors down from him, so they were constantly at the house anyway, but the thought that he’d very rarely be alone in the following weeks and months brought a cheer to his heart he thought had disappeared.

“Well, I guess that’s that, then.”

“Come on, Grandpa. You need to eat something.”

“Aren’t I supposed to take care of you?”

Kayla walked over to her big, burly grandfather and wrapped both her arms around his waist. “Let me take over for a while.”

“You got a deal, kiddo.” John agreed. “Let’s go.”


	2. Chapter 2

Todd paced outside of the house, nervous and scared out of his mind. He’d been a part of the Winchester family for six years now. He loved Kayla and couldn’t imagine his life without her. Not only could he not imagine his life without Kayla, he couldn’t imagine it without the rest of her family either. Jess treated him like a son. Fourteen-year-old Mary called him her brother. Bobby, Dean, and John had all pretended to be suspicious of him at first, but had eventually accepted him into the Winchester fold. Todd knew they were young, but he didn’t care. It was past time to do this.

The only thing that stopped him was Sam. Despite Sam turning friendlier towards him in recent months, Todd was still intimidated by him. Todd was no shrimp, but Sam outweighed him by forty pounds and was taller than him by nearly half a foot. Todd literally had to look up to see Sam’s face. And Sam still treated Kayla like she was his baby.

Kayla and Todd had faced their toughest challenge yet in the months leading up to this moment. They had started talking about sleeping together. Neither of them had brought it up until a conversation at school with Kayla’s roommate. The roommate had assumed that since Todd was in their room pretty much all the time, that the two of them were having sex together every time they could. After the roommate, whose name Todd couldn’t even remember now, had joked about it in front of them, Kayla had been the first to bring the subject up.

“Do you want to?”

That one question had led to weeks of talking, and they’d ultimately decided to do it. Not wanting to be what Kayla called the ‘cliché sex crazed college student’, Todd had surprised her by renting a motel room a few miles away from campus the Friday before they were scheduled to go home. The plan was simple. They would go to the room, spend their time together, then ride back to see their families the next day, and no one else would be any the wiser. But once they’d arrived, Kayla had backed down. Todd couldn’t help but admit he was disappointed, but it was then that Kayla finally told him the secret she’d kept from him. With tears streaming down, Todd’s heart broke for her as she told him the story.

“I’m not a virgin. I’m sorry I let you believe that, but I’m not.”

“Babe, it’s okay. Just tell me.”

Kayla had swallowed and kept it short and to the point. “It was one of my dad’s friends.”

“What?”

“His best friend.”

“Wait. One of your dad’s friends…”

“Yeah.” Kayla confirmed.

“How old were you?”

“I’d just turned thirteen.”

“You were _thirteen_?”

“Yeah. Mom and Dad went to the grocery store one day. They let me stay home by myself and he tricked me into letting him in the house. After that, every time he could get me alone…”

“It happened more than once?”

Kayla nodded. “Full on sex? Seven times. Anytime he could get me alone for a few seconds, he’d kiss me or grab me somewhere.”

“Son of a bitch!”

“Todd, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. And I’m sorry I let you think this was gonna happen tonight…”

“Hey. Stop. Stop and look at me.” Todd gently took Kayla’s hand, and she turned to face him. He kissed her hand, making her smile before he told her, “You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing. Not one single thing. You hear me?”

“I hear you.”

“Good. Because let me explain something to you. What makes me angry right now is that this bastard hurt you and I can’t do anything about it. I am not angry with you. But I need to know. Is that why you don’t like me to kiss you on your neck?”

“Yes.”

“Why you don’t like it when someone walks up behind you?”

“Yes. Everything.”

“Is there anything that I do that ever makes you feel scared or uncomfortable?”

“No.”

“If that ever changes, I want you to tell me. I won’t get angry with you, I won’t ridicule you. I will only be upset if you keep it from me. Got it?”

Kayla swallowed and nodded again.   
  


“As for this?” Todd reached to the bedside table and pulled out the box of condoms he’d purchased and showed them to Kayla. “You’re in charge. When you’re ready, you let me know. And if you think you’re ready, and it turns out you’re not again, we’ll wait. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’ll wait as long as it takes. Hell, I’ll wear a pager to class if you want me to.”

Kayla finally laughed, making Todd laugh too.

“I’m sorry this happened to you.” Todd said when they’d both calmed down. “I wish I could change it. But I can help you. I just need you to tell me when you need it. Can you promise me you’ll do that?”

“Yeah. I can.”

“Alright.” Todd said, relieved it was behind them now. “So why don’t we keep the room and just get a pizza or something?”

“We could. I have a better idea.” Kayla said with a grin.

“What’s that?”

“Pretend your pager just went off.”

That had been five months earlier, and Todd had never regretted it. He hoped Kayla hadn’t either. Right now, his focus was on the rest of their lives. Todd finally gathered all his courage and walked inside. Sam was standing in the corner, talking to Todd’s parents and Kayla, who was laughing at some story his father was telling. Todd walked over and listened to the tail end of the conversation, then gently grabbed Sam’s arm.

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure.” Sam said, surprised. He put down the piece of cake he had in his hand, and walked outside with Todd. “What’s going on?”

“I, um, want to ask you something. And I’m a little nervous about it.”

Sam tried not to smile. He’d wondered if he’d have this conversation anytime soon. “Okay. I’m all ears.”

“Well, first, I wanted to say thanks for doing this graduation party for me and Kayla together.”

“It was Jess’s idea, but you’re welcome.” After a long pause, Sam asked, “Was that it?”

“No. I, um, I…”

“Todd. Are you trying to ask me if you can propose?”

A stunned Todd’s mouth fell open. “How’d you know?”

“Because I stuttered exactly the same way when I asked Jess’s father for permission to marry her.”

Todd relaxed, immediately ditching his planned speech. “You got me.”

“Okay.”

“Okay what?” Todd asked.

“Okay. Go for it.” Sam said.

“What? Really?”

Sam laughed. “Did you think I was gonna say no?”

“I…honestly, yes.”

“Todd, you’ve been in this family for six years. It’s about damn time you made it official.”

“Even though we’re both still in school?” Todd asked. He was starting medical school in the fall and Kayla was starting her Master’s degree the following spring.

Sam sighed. “I married Jess between college and law school. If I’d waited, we may not have ended up having Kayla. My only condition, if you’d come to me with this earlier, would’ve been to wait until you graduated college. You’ve done that, so it’s all good with me.”

Todd laughed in relief. “Wow.”

“Todd, hang on one second.”

“Okay…”

“I want you to tell Jess about this.”

“She won’t say anything to Kayla? Aren’t they super close?”

“She won’t. There’s something she’s going to want to show you.”

Sam walked back inside, leaving a nervous Todd outside pacing again. A few minutes later, the front door opened again and before Todd even saw her, Jess was practically on top of him, wrapping both her arms around his neck in a suffocating hug.

“I take it that means you’re excited?”

“You bet I am!” Jess exclaimed. “This is great!”

Todd laughed. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

“Jess, don’t suffocate the poor kid before he can walk down the aisle.”

“Sorry.” Jess pulled away from him and wiped her face, where tears were streaming down from joy.

“Jess, you have to calm down. It’s a surprise.” Sam chided her gently.

“You’re right. You’re right. I know you’re right.” Jess said, taking a deep breath to calm down.

“Todd, have you talked to your parents about this?”

“I did. Last night.”

“And they’re okay with it?”

“They are.” Todd said. “Thank you, Mr. Winchester.”

“Todd, I think this is a good time to start calling me Sam.”

“I can do that.”

“When were you planning on doing it?” Jess asked.

“Tomorrow night. After graduation.”

“That works. I have something I want to give you.” Jess said. She dug something out of her pocket before asking, “You didn’t have a ring picked out already, did you?”

“No. I don’t.”

“Okay. I have something to show you.” Jess reached into her pocket and pulled out a small box which she placed into Todd’s hand. “I haven’t parted with this in twelve years. I’m trusting you to keep it safe.”

“I will.” Todd opened the box and stared in surprise for a moment. “It’s beautiful.”

“It was my mother’s. She always told me she wanted Kayla to have it when she got engaged. Kayla always loved it.”

“This is perfect. Thank you!”

“You’re welcome.” Jess said. “Oh, I’m so excited!”

“Jess, you have to be calm, okay? You have to act normal or Kayla will know something’s going on.” Sam reminded her.

“Ugh. I don’t know if I can do it.”

“You can. Remember, Kayla’s taking Mary to Dad’s tonight to talk to her. And we’ll be so busy tomorrow with the graduation ceremony and everything that Kayla won’t know what’s going on. Just keep yourself together until Kayla takes Mary.”

“Why is Kayla taking Mary over there?” Todd asked.

Sam sighed. “Mary’s been getting in some trouble at school lately. I asked Kayla if she’d talk to her.”

“Which I’m heading out to do right now.” Sam, Jess, and Todd all turned towards the front door, where Kayla was slowly pulling it shut. “What are you guys talking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Not a thing.”

“Nothing, babe.”

Kayla smiled. “Yep. That’s not even the least bit suspicious.”

“We were just talking about graduation tomorrow.”

“Uh huh. Whatever.” Kayla said. She walked over and shared a kiss with Todd before saying, “I’ll see you later tonight.”

“I thought you were staying at your Grandpa’s.”

“I am. He just left and took Mary with him. He told me to tell you that if you want to sneak in, there’s a key under the mat and he expects, and I quote, ‘no funny business’.”

“Excuse me?” Sam said, pretending to be annoyed.

“Not that we’ve ever done that before. Right, honey?” Kayla asked.

“Exactly right.” Todd said. “Let me go say goodnight to my parents and I’ll walk you over.”

“Sounds good. Night, Mom. Night, Dad. I’ll see you guys in the morning?”

“Sure thing, kiddo.” Jess said. “Give me a hug.”

“Me too.”

Once Kayla was gone and out of earshot, an excited Jess turned to Sam and practically squealed, “Our baby’s getting MARRIED!”

“Yeah. She sure is.”

“We did good, Dad.”

Sam smiled. “Yeah. We did, didn’t we?”

“Since Mary and Kayla are both gone, what do you think about asking Steve and Tara if they want to spend the night? We can sit up and cry about our kids growing up too fast together.”

“I think that’s a great idea. I’ll be in right after you.”

“Okay.”

When Jess walked inside, Sam stood outside the house alone, his mind flooding with thoughts of Kayla. The old cliché was true. Sam seemed to have blinked and Kayla had grown up.

“Daddy!”

Sam turned towards the street, where he could’ve sworn he saw…Kayla? He realized it was just a hallucination, and one of his favorite memories of Kayla started to play through his head.

_“Daddy!” _

_Sam walked in the door from work, surprised to find Kayla already there. “Hey, Bug. What are you doing home?” _

_“Mommy had to pick me up ‘cause I got hurt at school.” _

_“You what?” Sam asked, turning around from taking his shoes off. “Are you alright?” _

_“She’s fine.” Jess said. “All she got was a scraped knee.” _

_“If she’s fine, why did she get sent home?” _

_“Daddy, can I talk to you? Please? It’s about something real serious.” _

_Sam, puzzled by the request, looked to Jess, who shrugged her shoulders. “She refused to ask me. Said she had to wait for you, that you’d know the answer to her question for sure.” _

_“Sure, sweetie. Come here.” Sam picked up Kayla and walked to the couch with her, sitting her on his lap. “So what’s going on?” _

_“Well, when I fell at school, it really hurt a lot and I was crying.” _

_“Okay.” _

_“My friend Janie went to go get Mrs. Randolph, and Tyler started picking on me.” _

_“Wait. I know Janie. She’s played here before, right?” _

_“Right.” _

_“Who’s Tyler?” Sam asked._

_“He’s a bully. He’s real mean to everyone.” _

_“Oh. I see. Go on.” _

_“Well, he told me if I kept crying, that I’d dry up and turn into a skeleton. Is that true?” _

_A stunned Sam looked to Jess, who had unhelpfully turned around and was giggling into her hand. Sam couldn’t help it. He laughed at Kayla’s question, then recovered as fast as he could. He was happy Kayla didn’t look hurt at him laughing. She was simply waiting patiently for his answer. _

_“You can’t turn into a skeleton from crying, honey. It’s okay to cry if you’re hurt.” _

“Sam.”

Sam jumped. “Hey, Steve.”

“Hey. Jess and Tara pulled out the scrapbooks of Kayla and Todd as little kids.”

“Oh, great.”

Steve laughed. “Yeah. They both said if we wanted, we could bail. What do you think?”

“I think that’s a great idea.”

“Were you out here thinking about Kayla?” Steve asked.

“I was.”

“Todd talked to us, you know.” Steve said. “And he told us he was gonna talk to you. Is that what he was doing earlier?”

“He was.”

“I told him when he talked to us that if he ever hurt Kayla, we’d let you kill him.”

Sam laughed. “I appreciate that.”

“I want to talk to you myself. How about going for a drink?”

“That sounds like a plan. Let’s go.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Good night, Grandpa.”

“Night, girls. Don’t stay up too late. We’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

As John left the bedroom to head to his own bed, Kayla turned to her sister. Mary was sitting at the old desk chair that Bobby had fixed up for her years earlier. Mary was scowling, looking distinctly displeased at the thought of being there. Kayla smiled, wondering how best to approach this problem. Mary seemed to think of it first.

“I know Dad told you to talk to me.”

“He asked me to, yes.” Kayla said. “So what’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Really? You’re gonna try that with me?” Kayla said, half attempting to joke.

“There’s nothing.” Mary said with clenched teeth.

“Okay. Okay. Sorry.” Kayla sighed and took another approach. “So why are you looking at my desk like it pissed you off personally?”

Mary exhaled hard and let out a frustrated groan. “No. Nothing’s wrong. Why does everything have to be wrong?”

“Okay. I get it. Relax. That used to annoy me too.”

Mary frowned and got up to join her sister on the bed. “I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated.”

“Why?” Kayla asked.

“Did Dad tell you what happened last weekend?”

“No. I’ve been studying for my finals all week, I spent last weekend sleeping.”

“He caught me making out with a boy from school.” Mary said.

Kayla’s mouth nearly hit the bed. “What?”

“He caught me making out with a boy from school.”

Kayla recovered after a few seconds and gathered her thoughts. “Okay. First of all, defining for me exactly what you mean by ‘making out’.”

“Come on…”

“I didn’t exactly get to be a fourteen-year-old kid. Define it for me. Tell me exactly what you were doing.”

“We were…kissing and…stuff.” Mary answered.

“And stuff? What is ‘and stuff’?”

“Come on, Kay…”

“Just answer this one question. Were both of you fully clothed? And was there any touching going on other than with your mouths?”

“Eww, no!” Mary exclaimed. “Gross!”

“Okay. That’s all I needed to know.” Kayla said, relieved. “So what happened?”

“I brought a friend of mine home from school with me.”

“What’s this friend’s name?”

“Ricky.” Mary said. “We were supposed to study for a test together, but it didn’t exactly work out.”

Kayla was trying to listen to her sister. but she couldn’t help the laugh that escaped.

“It’s not funny! It was embarrassing.”

“I know, sweetie. I know.” Kayla said. “I’m sorry, I was just picturing the look on Dad’s face when he walked in on you.”

“It was red as a tomato and he wouldn’t stop yelling.”

“What did Mom have to say about it?”

“She was even worse!” Mary said. “She wasn’t home when Ricky got there…”

“Hold it.” Kayla said. “I knew there was something missing here. So you and Ricky were home alone?”

Mary shifted a little in her seat. “Yeah.”

“That’s why Dad was freaking out. Why he was _really _freaking out, anyway.”

“He told me I couldn’t see Ricky anymore ever. He’s being totally unfair.” Mary said.

Kayla sighed. “Let’s think this through.”

“No. I hate doing that. Mom or Dad always comes out looking like the reasonable one and

“Just listen to me, okay? Please?”

Mary sighed dramatically. “Fine.”

“Dad comes home from work and you’re on the couch making out with a boy. There’s no one else home. Did you ask if you could bring anyone over?”

“No.”

“You just brought him over.”

“Yes.”

Kayla shrugged. “Mary, what do you expect? Dad used to hate me bringing Grace over without asking, and you expect him to be okay with you playing tonsil hockey with some random boy from school when no one else is home?”

“I know. I know it was stupid.”

“A little bit. Yes.” Kayla said. “So what happened? What’s your penance?”

“I’m grounded for a month and I can’t go to summer camp. I have to earn back the money they payed for it.”

“Ouch. Sorry. That sucks.” Kayla said sympathetically.

“It’s completely and totally unfair!” Mary argued, convinced she now had at least a somewhat sympathetic ear. “I get I shouldn’t have brought Ricky home. I get they don’t like me being alone in the house with him. But I can take care of myself. And Ricky’s a friend, I shouldn’t have to dump him just because Dad says so. He doesn’t even know him.”

At that, Kayla felt a twinge of guilt. She knew the reason her father was overprotective of her little sister, especially when it came to boys, and it had nothing to do with Ricky. 

“I’m sorry, kid.”

“Sorry for what?”

“I think I know why Dad’s reacting like that. It’s because of me.”

“Because of…” When Mary realized what Kayla was saying, she shook her head. “It’s not your fault.”

“Dad’s sheltering you because of what happened to me.”

“That’s probably true, but it doesn’t make it your fault. Stop saying that, okay?”

Kayla nodded. “Okay. I won’t.”

“I just…I just wish I could be more of a kid sometimes, you know? Do something stupid and Dad not tear me apart like I’ve committed some deep, mortal sin.”

Kayla laughed. “Now that feeling I do remember.”

“He gets upset I don’t want to talk to him about stuff, and then he goes and reacts like this to something that all kids end up doing.”

“I know it feels that way…”

“It feels that way ‘cause it’s true.” Mary snapped.

“Chill. Now.” Kayla said. “I’m not in the mood for your attitude.”

“Sorry.”

“Look, kiddo, I get it. You like Ricky and you want to keep seeing him, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, hate to break it to you, but you gotta follow Mom and Dad’s rules for now.”

“But they let you date Todd!” Mary protested.

“First off, I was sixteen when I met Todd. Almost seventeen. I know it doesn’t feel like ther’s a hug difference between fourteen and sixteen, but there is.”

“Two years!”

“Exactly. Two years. Give it that long and _then_ start hounding Dad about dating.” Kayla said. “Trust me, the best way to win Dad over is by doing what he says.”

“That’s so lame. Dad gets what he wants and I get nothing.” Mary pouted.

Kayla didn’t feel guilty laughing this time. “Oh, young Kemosabe. I have so much to teach you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Listen to me. The best way to gain attention from Dad is by being on your best behavior. He eats that up. If there’s something you want, ‘yes sir’ him to death. Do chores without him having to ask you to.”

“That works?”

“Most of the time, yes.” Kayla said. “After a few days, he’s basically butter in your hands.”

“But I’ve already fought with him over Ricky. And over taking summer camp away.” Mary said. “I’ll have to suck for the rest of the summer to make up for all that.”

Kayla considered Mary’s predicament before responding. “I’ll make a deal with you. If you promise me you’ll start acting better, stop fighting Dad and Mom on everything, I’ll talk to them for you.”

“About Ricky?”

“I will talk to them about you being able to see Ricky _in a group_. I don’t like you hanging out with boys now at all, but I know if I try to convince you not to, you’ll just do it anyway. I’ll talk to them too about letting you go back ot summer camp.”

“REALLY?” Mary squealed. “I’m so excited about it! Please, please, please do!”

“Okay, okay. No promises. But I’ll do my best.” Kayla said. “But there’s one more thing.”

“What is it?” Mary asked.

“You need to calm down. In a big way. Stop fussing, fighting, snapping, all the nasty suff you’ve been doing to Dad. I’m convincing him to give you a second chance. Earn it. If you don’t. Dad is gonna be the least of your worries. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Good. Now let’s talk about this boy Ricky. Is he cute?”

Despite promising John they wouldn’t, Mary and Kayla stayed up late talking into the night. It was something that Kayla had been gradually working up to-being able to talk about boys and sex and romance and things of that nature with her little sister. Whenever the subject had come up at home, before she’d left for college, Kayla had always referred Mary to their mother and tried to back out of the conversation. Kayla had one final pearl of wisdom to bestow upon Mary before falling asleep that night.

“Listen, Mary. I know you have this big gigantic crush on Ricky now. I know it feels intense. But just trust me when I say this. There’s gonna come a guy in your life that’ll take everything bad you feel, everything you don’t like about yourself, and he’s gonna turn it around. He’ll help you see how beautiful you really are. And _that _is the guy you want to spend your life with. Got it?”

“Is that Todd for you?”

Kayla bit her bottom lip and smiled. “Yeah. It is.”

“You really love him a lot, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“Do you think you’ll get married?”

Practically before Mary had even gotten the question out, Kayla was answering. “Yes!”

Mary giggled. “That was fast.”

Kayla shrugged. “He’s my guy. I don’t want anyone else.”

“Hey, Kay? You’re not gonna, like, stop coming to see us or anything, are you?”

“What? No. Why would I?”

“Well, you’re gonna be this big, fancy, doctor or lawyer or whatever you decide to be. You’ll be too busy with your new life to be worried about us.”

“That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” Kayla said. “You won’t be getting rid of me that easy.”

“You promise?”

“Promise.” Kayla’s phone beeped with a text from Todd, and she looked over to the alarm clock in the room. “Oh, no. It’s almost one in the morning. You better lay down and go to sleep.”

“Where are you going?”

“To the living room to text Todd.”

“Why can’t you do that with me in the room?”

“Because it’ll keep you up.”

“It’ll keep you up too.” Mary huffed.

“Yeah, but I’m a grown up.”

“Grandpa always says that doesn’t matter. You’re supposed to do what he says no matter what age you are.”

“And if you tell him, I might just reconsider having that conversation with Dad and let you miss summer camp and Ricky after all.”

Mary glared. “You’re mean.”

“I know. Go to sleep, brat.”

“Go to sleep, jerk.”

“Hey. Mary. I love you, kid. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. Go away.”

Kayla laughed, then walked downstairs to the living room. The text from Todd was a bit of a mystery. _I have a surprise for you after graduation tomorrow. Your parents are taking you somewhere after we all go to lunch. Just go with the flow and everything’ll be fine. Get some sleep. I love you xoxoxo_

_Love you more_, Kayla texted back.

She thought for a few minutes about what it was her surprise could be, but she was so tired that it didn’t keep her awake. The first half of the next day was a bit of a blur, but the graduation ceremony came and went, and both sets of parents feasted with Kayla and Todd to celebrate. Finally, Kayla asked,

“So where’s this big surprise?”

“We’ll show you. We’ll be there in about an hour.”

“An _hour_? What is going on?”

But despite her continued questions, Mary, Sam, and Jess were all tight lipped about their destination. The streets and houses began to look familiar, and by the time the car stopped, Kayla was silent. They had arrived at her grandmother’s house. Kayla hadn’t been here in twelve years, but the house looked virtually the same.

“What are we doing here?”

“Come inside.”

“Inside?” Kayla asked, surprised. “Doesn’t someone live here?”

“Nope. Come on.”

Kayla walked up the steps with her father, nostalgia threatening to knock her over. The house was bare inside, but Kayla remembered well spending night after night here. She wasn’t sure if it was actually her grandmother’s lingering scent she was smelling, but it comforted the butterflies in her stomach.

“Okay. What are we doing here?” Before anyone could say anything, the front doorbell rang. “Who the heck is that?”

“Why don’t you go see?” Sam asked.

“You guys are being weird. Really, really weird.” Kayla said.

“Just go get the door already!” Mary answered impatiently.

“Okay, okay. Calm down.” Kayla walked to the front door and opened it. “Todd?”

“Hey. Can we come in?”

“Who’s we?” Todd walked in and kissed Kayla’s cheek, and he was quickly followed by Steve, Tara, Dean, and John. “Will someone please tell me what on earth is going on?”

“Guess now’s as good a time as any.” Todd said. “Sam?”

“Come here for a second, sweetie.”

Kayla walked over to her father, who pulled a small piece of paper out of his pocket. “This is the deed to this house.”

“Why do you have it? I thought you guys sold this house years ago.”

“We did. But the lady who bought the house was a friend of your grandmother’s. When she died, she left the house back to us. And we’re passing it on to you.”

Kayla was certain her breath had stopped short in her chest, because she couldn’t breathe.   
  


“Kay? Say something?”

“This…this is my house?”

“If you want it, yes.” Sam said. “It’s okay if not, I know there’s a lot of memories here…”

“Of course I want it!” Kayla squealed, grabbing Sam’s neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you Dad!”

“You’re welcome. But it’s not quite just your house.”

“What do you mean?”

“Turn around.”

When Kayla turned back to face Todd, Jess had to support her. Kayla’s knees were now shaking, and she held a hand to her mouth. Todd was on one knee, holding out a ring that Kayla had admired from her mother’s jewelry box many times.

“What is this?” Kayla asked, tears forming in her eyes.

“I’ll keep this short and sweet.” Todd said. “Will you marry me?”

Kayla hadn’t thought it possible to cry, nod her head yes, and laugh all at the same time, but she succeeded. She heard the claps behind and in front of her, but didn’t care as Todd slipped the ring on and embraced her. A thought occurred to her once she was calm enough to talk.

“You knew. All of you knew.”

“Every single one of us.” Jess said. “Todd told us last night.”

“He talked to us a couple days ago.” Steve volunteered.

Kayla finally let go of Todd and walked around to hug the rest of her family, both old and new. Everyone had a smile on their face, even John, who was wiping something away that looked suspiciously like tears. Kayla felt something that was still rare for her. As she soaked in the beauty of the day, beginning the wedding planning with her sister, mother, and future mother in law, talking over her plans for graduate school the following year, and kissing and hugging Todd every moment in between, Kayla took a deep breath and felt the peace overtake her.


	4. Chapter 4

THEN

_“We did. But the lady who bought the house was a friend of your grandmother’s. When she died, she left the house back to us. And we’re passing it on to you.”_

_Kayla was certain her breath had stopped short in her chest, because she couldn’t breathe._

_“Kay? Say something?”_

_“This…this is my house?”_

_“If you want it, yes.” Sam said. “It’s okay if not, I know there’s a lot of memories here…”_

_“Of course I want it!” Kayla squealed, grabbing Sam’s neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you Dad!”_

_“You’re welcome. But it’s not quite just your house.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Turn around.”_

_When Kayla turned back to face Todd, Jess had to support her. Kayla’s knees were now shaking, and she held a hand to her mouth. Todd was on one knee, holding out a ring that Kayla had admired from her mother’s jewelry box many times._

_“What is this?” Kayla asked, tears forming in her eyes._

_“I’ll keep this short and sweet.” Todd said. “Will you marry me?”_

NOW

Two Years Later

“I don’t know what to think about this.” Kayla said.

“I know.” Todd answered. “How are we gonna do school and deal with this?”

Kayla shrugged. “This is my last semester. I’ll go on and push through and finish my Master’s and then I can go back and keep going with my doctorate later if I want.”

“Can you handle five classes?”

“I guess I’ll have to.” Kayla said. “It’s better than having just a few classes hanging over my head when the time comes.”

“Okay. Sounds good.” Todd chuckled nervously.

“What?”

“I was just thinking about our parents. When should we tell them?” Todd asked. “Do you want to wait?”

Kayla grinned. “I really don’t.”

“Good. Me either.”

“I’ll tell my family. You tell yours?”

“Deal. Let’s go.”

The conversation with Todd’s parents went well, but Kayla’s stomach began to tie in knots when they left to go to her parents. When Todd parked the car, he looked over to Kayla, who was shifting her weight back and forth on the seat, a sure sign she was nervous.

“Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just thinking about what all this means.”

“We’ll be fine.” Todd said. “You’ll be fine.”

“I know. Come on. My mom probably already knows we’re here.”

Sure enough, Jess walked onto the front porch of the house and waved. “Hey, guys! What are you doing here?”

Kayla stepped out and greeted her mom, then got Jess, Sam, and Mary gathered into the living room.

“So what’s this big surprise?” Mary asked.

“Mary, give your sister a second.” Jess urged, though she herself was bouncing her knee in anticipation.

“Thanks, Mom.” Kayla said. “Well, um, don’t make any big plans for Dad’s birthday.”

“My birthday? That’s months away. Why?”

“It’s eight and a half months away, actually.”

The next three seconds brought on a silence Kayla was not accustomed to. Her mother was the first to register what she was saying, and her eyes filled with joyful tears.

“Oh, my God.” Jess whispered. “Honey…”

“Jess, what….” Sam finally realized what Kayla was telling them and was left temporarily speechless. “You’re pregnant?”

“Yep.” Kayla answered.

Kayla had known coming over that her mother would be ecstatic, but she wasn’t quite prepared for the shriek of delight Jess let out, nor was she prepared for her mother to pull her up off the couch and hug her so tight she had to joke,

“Mom, calm down, you’re squishing the baby.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Jess said. “I’m gonna be a grandma!”

“Well, not tomorrow.” Kayla said with a laugh. “But yeah. You are.”

“How far along are you?” Sam asked.

“It’s a little early to tell exactly, but it looks like the beginning of May. So you might be sharing a birthday with the baby.”

“I think I can handle that. Come here.”

The next few months seemed to fly by for Kayla. She had a brief bout with morning sickness, but otherwise no major problems with her pregnancy. Kayla found out she was having a boy, and after deciding on a name, everything seemed to be set. September flowed into October, October became Thanksgiving, Kayla graduated with her Master’s degree, and Christmas came around.

Before Kayla knew it, the end of April was approaching. Her father’s birthday was just a few days away, and Kayla was determined to celebrate ‘in style’. She’d planned a massive party for him, despite Sam’s protests, and put all of her effort into the planning. Once he realized he wouldn’t be able to talk Kayla out of the party, Sam only laid down one condition.

“You’re eight and a half months pregnant. We’re doing it at your house. I don’t want you driving all the way over here.”

The night before the party, Kayla took her seat on the couch and looked around. Her living room was decorated with pictures she’d collected over the weeks of her father, from the few photos of him as a baby and young child all the way to one she’d taken the week before, of the two of them together outside the hospital after her latest check up. Kayla absent mindedly put a hand to her stomach, wishing once again the baby would make his debut on her father’s birthday. Before she could say anything else, the front door opened and Todd stepped in.

“Hey, you.”

“Hey, you.” Kayla said back, kissing him when he came over to the couch. “How was class?”

“It is over.”

Kayla chuckled. “That bad?”

Todd sighed. “I love medical school. But I’m also glad it’s over.”

“I know you’re exhausted. But do you still regret doubling up on classes so you can finish early?”

“No. No, I really don’t. It’s just weird to think that in six more months I’ll have graduated from medical school.”

“And since you only have two classes next semester, you’ll have more time to be with the little guy.” Kayla reminded him with a smile.  
  


“Yeah. It’s still not enough though. I wish I could be here with you guys all the time.”

“Hey.” Kayla said, shifting as much as was possible on her very pregnant belly. “Listen. These first couple years are gonna be tough. But we’ll get through them. You are going to be an amazing father and a hell of a doctor. Okay?”

“And you’ll be one hell of a mom.”

“I hope so.” Kayla said, turning her gaze back to the baby.”

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Look, I know we agreed on me staying home and taking care of the baby. But I don’t feel right with you going to med school and being the only one working. It was one thing when I was pregnant, but why don’t I at least get a part time job after the baby’s here?”

“Is that what you want to do?”

“I don’t know.” Kayla admitted honestly.

“How about this? We don’t worry about it now. We get the baby here and we regroup when he’s, let’s say, three months old. By then we should have a good routine going.”

“That sounds like a plan.”

“And taking care of you and this baby always feels right to me. No matter what I have to do. Understand?”

“Understand.” Kayla said, offering him a quick kiss.

“The place looks great by the way.”

“Thank you.” Kayla looked back around and sighed. “But what was I thinking agreeing to do this party right now?”

“You didn’t agree to anything. You bullied your dad till he gave in to you.”

Kayla laughed. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“What’s the game plan for tomorrow?”

“Everyone’s coming over around noon. The stuff’s in the fridge, I just have to reheat it. Can you go pick up Dad’s cake in the morning?”

“You got it.” Todd agreed. “What do you want for dinner?”

“You care if we just do takeout?”

“I was kind of hoping for it, to be honest.” Todd said. “Tell me where to go.”

“Just get a pizza delivered. Whoa.”

“What?” Todd asked, jumping up off the couch. “What is it? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Here.” Kayla took Todd’s hand and placed it to her stomach. “He’s really been moving today.”

Todd smiled. “Hey, little guy. You been giving Mommy a lot of trouble, huh?”

“Hey, I think I finally thought of a name for him. But I’m not sure you’ll like it.”

“Okay. Tell me.”

“Leslie.”

“For a boy?” Todd asked unsurely.

“I looked it up. It’s uncommon, but not unheard of.”

“Won’t he get teased for it?”

“Probably. But I really like it, and I’ve always wanted to name my kid after my grandmother.” Kayla said. “If you completely hate it, I’ll think of something else.”

“No, no. We had an agreement. I pick the middle name, you pick the first name.” Todd said. He turned back to her pregnant belly and asked, “What do you think, little guy? Leslie Steven Whitaker?”

As Kayla went to bed that night, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right. The party decorations were all in place, her parents knew what time to come over, and her grandfather and Dean had agreed to come too. But something was wrong. She tried to shake the feeling off as just jitteriness, but she couldn’t help it. Something was wrong.

The next morning, a few minutes before noon, Sam, Jess, and Mary pulled up to Kayla’s. Mary was the first to notice that something was amiss. Kayla didn’t meet them at the door as she usually did. John and Dean were pulling in behind them when she said it.

“Where’s Kayla?”

“Her car’s still here, she’s probably inside setting up for the party.” Jess said. “Come on, let’s go.”

Mary got out of the car and greeted her grandfather and uncle, who followed the three of them up the steps and to the front door. Jess knocked, but received no answer. She knocked again, and still there came no response. Even more surprising was the fact that the front door was locked.

“Should we go inside?” Mary asked. “Check on her and see if she’s okay?”

“I think that’s a good idea.” Sam said. “Todd’s car’s not here…”

As if he’d heard them, Todd pulled into the driveway at that very moment. He parked behind John and Dean, then made his way to the porch without acknowledging any of them.

“Todd? Son, where’s Kayla?” John asked.

The question made Todd stop cold, and a look of confusion made its way to his face. “Oh. Hi, guys. I was just coming home to call you.”

“Todd? Where’s Kayla?” Sam asked, a pit forming in his stomach.

“Is she in the house?” Dean asked. “What’s going on?”

“No. She’s not in the house.” Todd said. He walked over and sat on the bottom step of the porch, putting his head in his hands.

“Todd? Talk to us, son, you’re scaring us.” John pushed, a little impatiently.

“Kayla got worried this morning. The baby’s been waking her up at two o’clock every morning on the dot. When she woke up it was four and she hadn’t felt him.”

“Okay…” Jess said. “Was he sleeping?”

Todd swallowed. “She made me take her to the hospital to check on him.”

“And?” Mary asked. “What’d they say? Is Kayla okay?”

“Kayla’s fine. She sent me here to tell you guys.”

“Tell us what?” Sam asked.

The look on Todd’s face was one Sam had seen before and hoped he never would again. It was one of despair, one that said that everything he held dear was gone. A tear fell down Todd’s cheek, and he broke the news in a choking sob.

“Sam, the baby died.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Sam, the baby died.”

Sam would never forget the silence that descended over the family. It was thick and tangible. All of them were hoping that they’d misunderstood what Todd said. Everything had seemed perfect just twenty-four hours earlier.

“Todd? What happened?” Jess asked. “Everything seemed fine yesterday.”

Todd swallowed and tried to recap what the doctor had told them. “The, um, doctor said that the baby’s cord wrapped around his neck and strangled him.”

“Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry.” Jess said.

“Kayla, um, asked me to tell you that she wants you there with her for a while. Do you mind? I’m gonna get some clothes and stuff.”

“Of course. Do you need anything?”

“Would you call my mom and dad?” Todd asked.

“Sure.” Sam said.

“Kayla, um, said she wanted her mom to be there for an hour or so before everybody else started coming.”

“Here, Jess.” Sam pulled his car keys from his pocket and handed them to her. “You go ahead. We’ll follow you later.”

“Okay. I’ll call you when I get there.”

“Um, what should I do?” Mary asked from beside her mother. “Should I go with Mom or…”

“Actually, Mary, Kayla asked if you’d put all the party stuff away. From her baby shower and your dad’s birthday.”

“Yeah. Sure. I’ll do that.”

“Thanks.”

“Todd? Son? Is there anything you need from me and Dean?” John asked.

“Can you help me get Kayla’s stuff together?”

“Of course.”

Jess left and made her way to the hospital, her mind struggling to accept that the baby she’d been so excited to meet for the last months would never come. When she parked the car, Jess waited a moment before going in, trying to sort out her thoughts before going inside.

“Mommy?”

When Jess turned, she gasped. “Kayla?”

Kayla was sitting in the backseat, in the car seat Jess had gotten rid of years ago. She held a doll in her arms, feeding it from a plastic toy baby bottle. Kayla took the bottle from the doll, set it in the cupholder on her car seat, then lifted the doll onto her shoulder and proceeded to burp it.

“Like dis, Mommy?”

“Exactly.” Jess said.

“It make her tummy feel better?”

“Yep.”

Kayla grinned. “I be good Mommy just like you.”

Kayla bounced the doll slightly and sang to it. She was missing a tooth, making her whistle a little as she talked. It was probably one she’d lost at age four, when she’d lost three baby teeth in one summer. Sam had joked that if she continued losing teeth, she’d make the ‘tooth fairy’ go broke. A second later, Kayla faded away from view and jess was left, once again, with the empty car and the reality of the situation.

Jess found Kayla a few minutes later, with the help of the nurse at the admissions desk and a janitor. The lights of the hospital room were off, and Kayla was turned on her side in the bed. Jess walked over and found Kayla sleeping, so she pulled up a chair to sit quietly beside her until she woke up. The chair was heavier than Jess thought, and it made a loud squealing noise when she pulled it to the bed.

“Damn it.”

“Mom?”

Jess turned and tried to smile at Kayla, though she had a feeling she was failing miserably. “Hey. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“It’s okay.” Kayla whispered. “Where’s Todd?”

“He went home to get some things to bring back. He said you were asking for me.”

“Yeah. Can you help me sit up?”

“Sure.” Once she was in a seated position, Jess asked, “How are you feeling?”

Kayla swallowed. “I’m not sure.”

“Has your doctor been back?”

“Yeah. He, um, wants me to have a C-section, but said it’s up to me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I told him about you having to have one with me and Mary and he doesn’t want to risk anything happening with me. He said my blood pressure was really high to try a natural birth.”

“That makes sense.” Jess said.

“I don’t know what to do, Mom.”

“Well, if he thinks the C-section’s safer…”

“I don’t mean how to have the baby.”

“Oh.” Jess said. “Bug, I’m so sorry.”

“We spent so long getting ready for him to be here.” Kayla said. “Now he’s gone.”

Jess prided herself on knowing exactly what to say when her children were hurting. She knew how to make them smile, how to comfort them, how to make them feel as if everything would be okay again. And maybe, she had always thought, if she could get them to believe it, she would believe it herself. But now that was all out the door. There was nothing she could say to make this better. Nothing that would make it okay again.

“I still feel like he’s in there. Like I feel him moving around.”

“Kay…”

“Mom, what am I gonna do?” Kayla asked, voice breaking.

“I wish I knew what to say, baby.”

“Will you stay here until the baby’s here? Please?”

“I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”

“We named him. Settled on it last night.”

“And?” Jess asked. “What’d you come up with?”

“Leslie Steven Whitaker.”

“You…you named him after your grandmother?”

“I did.” Kayla said, wiping away the tear that started to fall. “I couldn’t save him either.”

“Kay, stop. This is not your fault, and neither was what happened to your grandmother.”

“I knew something was wrong, Mom. He’d been moving nonstop for two weeks. I should’ve come earlier…”

“Kay, stop. You can’t beat yourself up about this. It is not your fault.”

“I want my little boy, Mom.”

“Come here, sweetie.” Kayla cried softly into her mother’s shoulder a few moments, before Jess heard her phone beep. “That’s probably your dad. You ready for them to come or you want me to ask them to wait?”

“It’s okay. Let ‘em come.” Kayla said.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. It’s okay.”

Four hours later, a drowsy Kayla was coming out of a heavy sleep. She’d been dreaming about Leslie’s birth, taking him home and taking care of him. His first steps, his first word, his first day of school-everything she’d been dreaming about nightly since finding out she was having a little boy.

“Hey, Kay. Wake up, sweetie.”

Kayla groaned and asked, “Todd?”

“Yeah. Come on, wake up.”

“What happened?”

“You’re in the hospital, babe.”

“What? Is the baby…” Kayla’s head suddenly cleared and she remembered where she was and why she was there. “Oh.”

“Listen. The doctors still have the baby. We’ve got about two hours with him before they want to know what we want to do for him.”

“You mean…”

“I mean funeral arrangements.”

“I can’t think about that right now.”

“Honey, we’re gonna have to…”

“Not now. I just want to see him.”

“Alright. I’ll go tell the doctor.”

“Todd? Are your parents here?”

“Yeah. They got here a few minutes ago.”

“I want Leslie to be cremated. I want you and me to spread his ashes the same place we spread my grandma’s. But I’d like our families to be here now to say goodbye to him. Are you okay with that?”

“If that’s what you want, it’s okay with me.” Todd said.

“I just would rather go on and do that now than wait a few days.” Kayla said. “We’re already here, let’s just do it.”

“Sure. I’ll be back.”

The family filed in, and a nurse walked in behind them holding Leslie. She went to hand Leslie to Kayla, but Kayla shook her head.

“No. My family goes first.”

“Okay, sweetheart.” the nurse said kindly. She handed the baby to Jess. “I’ll leave you all alone now. Come find me whenever you need me.”

“Kay? Are you sure?”

Kayla nodded. “Yeah. You guys go first. Hold him and talk to him.”

“Okay.”

Jess took a deep breath and looked down at the baby. He had been born with a head of blonde curly hair, just like Kayla’s had been at birth. His eyes were closed, and Jess couldn’t help but smile as she pushed some of the hair out of the baby’s face.

“Hey, beautiful. I’m your grandma.” Jess said. “We waited for you for a long time. You look just like your mommy did when she was born.” Feeling tears coming, Jess kissed Leslie’s cheek and handed him over to Sam.

Sam took the baby and found himself smiling too. “Hey, kiddo. It’s your grandpa. I couldn’t have asked for a better birthday present than you. You rest now and we’ll all see you again one day. Okay?”

After kissing Leslie, Sam passed him to Mary, who opted not to say anything, just like her grandfather and uncle Dean. Todd’s parents held Leslie for a few moments each, and when Steve finally handed the newborn over to Todd, there wasn’t a dry eye or an intact heart in the room.

As Todd laid the baby down between him and Kayla, it finally struck him that this was his _son_. His own flesh and blood, that would never walk, talk, laugh, break his mom and dad’s heart. None of that was coming. He knew he and Kayla could have other children, but the two of them would never get to raise this little boy. They’d never get to see what kind of person he would grow into. He’d never know whether this little boy would be tough, sensitive, or both. He’d never know whether Leslie would like sports like his mother or academics like his father, whether he’d do well in school or scrape by.

Todd didn’t know anything about his own son. He’d never even gotten to hear him cry.

And, damn it, that just wasn’t fair.

But right now, he had to shove all that aside. Kayla was all that mattered. Kayla had just been through the loss of the baby she’d carried for three quarters of a year, then major surgery, and was now about to say goodbye to Leslie, and she was the only one in the room that _wasn’t_ crying. So he wiped his face and shoved his own tears down to help her through this. Kayla placed a hand on Leslie’s chest and smiled down at him, as if she was doing nothing more than talking to him to calm him down.

“Hi, baby boy. Mommy and Daddy’s here.”

Todd, still trying to choke down tears, sniffed hard and grabbed one of Leslie’s hands.

“You must have been so scared in there. Not being able to breathe. Mommy’s so sorry she didn’t help you in time.”

“Babe…” Todd started.

“Not now.” Kayla said, softly but sharply. She sniffed again and went back to talking to Leslie. “You’re so beautiful. More beautiful than I could have ever imagined you being. Me and Daddy love you so much. I’m sorry you didn’t get to grow up. But Daddy and I are gonna be thinking about you every single day for the rest of our lives. We talked a little bit ago. We’re gonna take you to a special place to rest with a lady that I’m sure’s taking care of you right now. We named you after her. I know she’ll take good care of you until it’s time for us to get up there and join you. So you make sure that you run and you play and you have a good life up there. ‘Cause whenever I see you again, I plan to smother you with as many kisses and hugs as you can stand.”

When Kayla took a long pause, Todd took his turn. “I’m not real good with words, bud. Ditto what your mom said. I wish I could’ve been your dad. We’re gonna miss you.”

There was a knock at the door that caused everyone in the room to jump. The nurse from earlier was back. “Mr. and Mrs. Whitaker, the funeral home’s here.”

“No. You’re not taking him.” Kayla said, picking Leslie up from the bed and cradling him to her chest tightly. “He’s not leaving.”

“Kay, baby, they have to.” Todd said.

“No. No, they don’t.” Kayla protested, gripping Leslie tighter. “He’s staying with us, he’s not going with strangers.”

“They’ll take good care of him.” Todd assured her. “I called Dusty. He’s been my best friend since before I met you. You’ve met him a bunch of times. He’ll take care of Leslie.”   
  
“No. No, he’s not gone, I’m not letting him go.”   
  


John wanted to run. He wanted to run out the hospital room door and never look back. He’d devoted his life since his wife’s death to protecting people from evil forces. Demons, ghosts, werewolves, poltergeists, monsters. Those things he could understand. But what John was coming to realize was that there were things in the world much worse than demons or the like. Things that he couldn’t protect his family from.

Like Jess, who he’d come to think of as a daughter, falling into a coma after having Mary and not being able to wake up on her own.

Like the only woman he’d ever loved other than Mary, Jess’s mother and baby Leslie’s namesake, dying because some fool slammed into her car and then decided to keep driving, leaving the then ten-year-old Kayla to be the adult and try to save her grandmother.

Like a man taking advantage of Kayla at just thirteen years old, which was something he still blamed himself for.

Like his best friend feeling sick, going to bed, then dying the next morning.

And now, worst of all, Kayla’s baby randomly dying before it was even born.

John loved all his family. Sam and Dean were his life. He loved Mary dearly. But Kayla was special. She’d been the one to break through the tough armor he’d built up after Mary’s death. She’d been the reason he started smiling again, the reason he looked forward to getting up in the morning. The months that she’d lived with him as a teen had only served to strengthen that bond. When John looked around the room, no one seemed to know what to do. So John gathered his courage and took his place next to Kayla on the bed.

“Kay, they have to take him.”

“No.”

“I know it hurts, little one.”

“I can’t do it.” Kayla said, swallowing past the huge and painful lump in her throat. “Grandpa, I can’t let him go.”

“I know. But you have to. All of us are here and we’ll be here as long as you need us. But as long as you’re holding on to Leslie, he can’t rest. He can’t go be with your grandma until you do. It’s time to say goodbye.”

Kayla turned pained eyes on Dean. “Will you go with him? Make sure they take good care of him?”

Dean nodded. He’d not spoken at all since they arrived. He didn’t have the first clue how to offer Kayla any true comfort here. But taking care of the baby, protecting him and making sure he would be able to make it to his final resting place? As much as he hated it, as much as his heart hurt at the thought of it, that was something Dean could do.

“You got it, kiddo.”

The nurse was still standing in the room, and she would never forget, as long as she lived, what happened next. Kayla nodded solemnly, kissed baby Leslie’s forehead again, whispered a sincere ‘Mommy loves you’, and handed the baby to her. The nurse gave the baby to the funeral home staff, but Dean lifted Leslie out of the worker’s arms and carried him out of the room. When the nurse turned back around, Kayla was sobbing into Todd’s shoulder while he comforted her and cried himself. Todd’s parents were standing behind him, his father with a hand on Todd’s arm and his mother silently stroking his hair. Sam and Jess sat on one side of Kayla, laying a hand each on her. Mary stood at the foot of Kayla’s bed, still feeling unsure how to help but remembering how much her touch had helped her sister through tough times when they were younger. John held one of Kayla’s hands, which she squeezed when the pain got to be too much.

Though no one in the room said a word, the nurse felt certain that she’d never felt more love from a patient’s family.


	6. Chapter 6

Kayla hadn’t talked for seven days.

None of the family was completely functioning. Kayla had stayed in the hospital for three days, then was sent home. Todd had to return to work a week later, so, using the excuse that she didn’t want to be home all day long by herself, the two of them had temporarily moved in with John. John was recovering from a minor fall, which resulted in a sprained ankle, so while Todd worked Kayla and John took care of each other.

Everything went as well as it could for the first three weeks Kayla was home. Todd would leave in the morning and head to work, while Kayla cooked and cleaned as much as she could for John before spending time with him. After Todd came home, he’d cook dinner for them and spend a little time with them before he and Kayla went to sleep.

Kayla refused to think about the reason she’d stopped talking. She knew in her brain why she’d stopped, but she couldn’t accept it. She spent her days in bed and only got up to go to the bathroom or make herself something to eat. She heard her family try to talk to her, but she ignored them. She’d caught her father crying once, and on any other day that would have caused her concern. But now she didn’t care.

Inside Kayla was numb. So numb it was actually painful. Her thoughts revolved around getting up and going to bed to get to the next day. The thought of going home to the house she shared with Todd was unthinkable. The thought of going back to Leslie’s finished nursery, seeing all the presents from her baby shower laid out, a reminder of the life she’d been looking forward to living…Kayla couldn’t face it.

“Kayla?”

Kayla looked up from the couch, where she was watching some documentary on television that she hadn’t been paying the slightest bit of attention. She’d heard Dean come in, grab the keys to the Impala, and leave. She didn’t know how long ago that was, and didn’t particularly care. She only vaguely recognized Mary in the doorway.

“What are you doing?”

Kayla didn’t answer, just turned back to the television.

“No. This has gotta stop.” Mary went to the coffee table, grabbed the TV remote, and shut it off. “You need to get up out of this seat.”

Kayla made no response.

“Look, I know you’ve been through a lot, but you can’t shut down like this. Come on, Kayla, we need you.”

Again, nothing.

“You’re not the only one that’s been going through stuff, Kayla. Dad and uncle Dean are both a wreck. You have to snap out of it. Please.”

Kayla offered nothing more than a blank stare.

“Get up!” Mary shouted, grabbing Kayla’s arm and attempting to pull her off the couch. “Come on!”

Kayla jerked her arm back, the most reaction she’d given anyone all week. A frustrated Mary joined her sister on the couch. She pleaded with Kayla, tears streaming, and poured her heart out, hoping to break through whatever stubborn shell was keeping her sister locked up inside.

“I’m sorry about the baby. I’m sorry about Grandpa. I know you’re upset, I know you’re hurting, but Kayla, you have to snap out of this. Now. I heard Mom and Dad and Todd talking about sending you to a hospital. I don’t want you to have to go away again. Kayla, please, please, please wake up and talk to us.”

Suddenly, something snapped inside Kayla. She would later describe it as her brain flipping a switch and the light coming on. She looked around, and it took a moment to realize that she was in her grandfather’s house, not her own. The memory of Leslie’s death came flooding back, and she remembered moving in with him three weeks earlier. But where was John? And why was Mary crying so much?

“Where’s Grandpa?”

A stunned Mary asked, “What?”

Her voice hoarse from not talking for so long, Kayla asked again, “Where’s Grandpa?”

“You mean you don’t remember?”

“Remember what?”

And just as fast as the light inside Kayla’s head had switched on, it blared with a brightness that overshadowed everything else. Bits and pieces from the last week came back. John attempting to stand up from the couch and being unable to do it. His speech suddenly becoming slurred and barely understandable. Him looking at Kayla and trying to ask her what she was doing there, but not being able to get the words out. And her last clear memory, holding him while on the phone with the 911 operator.

John had died that night, of a sudden, massive stroke, and Kayla hadn’t been able to deal with it. She’d completely shut down.

She’d left her family to pick up the pieces. Todd was forced to take care of her, and her father and mother were both doing their best to cope with the loss while trying to still help her recover from losing Leslie and recover from her C section. She was surprised no one had practically forced her to move either back home or over to her parent’s house, but she realized that they may have tried and she just forgot.

“Kay, did you hear me?” Mary asked.

“Hear what?”

“I overheard Mom, Dad, and Todd talking about sending you to a hospital.”

“Why? I just got out of the hospital.”

“But you’ve been shut off for a week. You wouldn’t talk to anyone, you ignored all of us, you’ve been a complete zombie.”

“I’m…I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what I was doing.”

“I know. But you’ve got to come with me, okay?”

“Where?”

“To our house. Show Mom and Dad that you’re okay now.” Mary said, grabbing Kayla’s arm again and pulling. “Please come. I don’t want them to send you away again.”

“I’m coming. Let me get a shower first.”

Slowly, her feeling came back. She showered and dressed, then let Mary hold her hand as she walked down the road towards her parents’ house. When Mary opened the front door, she found her parents and Todd deep in conversation about something, all of which stopped the second Mary closed the front door.

“Hi, guys.” she said cautiously.

“Hey!” Todd greeted enthusiastically, jumping up and grabbing Kayla in a hug. “We missed you.”

Kayla ignored Todd, walking around to her father on the couch and grabbing him in an unexpected hug around the neck.

“What’s this for?” Sam asked.

“I’m sorry about Grandpa. And I’m sorry I ignored you that day.”

“Thank you, Bug. It’s okay, I know you’ve been through a lot lately.”

“No. Listen to me.” Kayla said, pulling back and leaning against the back of the couch. “I’m sorry. To all of you. Taking care of Grandpa after he sprained his ankle gave me something to do. It made me feel like I had a purpose after…” Kayla’s hand had wandered absentmindedly to her stomach, and she blinked back tears so she could finish her apology. “When Grandpa died, it’s like everything just shut down.”

“I get that.” Sam said. “I really do.”

“I can’t promise it won’t happen again.”

“You don’t have to.” Sam said.

“You’re not sending her now, right?” Mary asked from the doorway.

“Mary…” Jess scolded gently.

“No, Mom. I’m not gonna be quiet about this. You said if I got Kayla to talk, and I got her to walk over here, you guys wouldn’t send her away again.”

“Again?” Todd asked. “What do you mean, again?”

“It’s a long story, Todd. I’ll tell you later, I promise.” Kayla said. “But maybe they have a point, Mary.”

“No!”

“I’m not staying in a hospital.” Kayla said. “But maybe going back and seeing someone again could really help.”

“That’s a good idea.” Todd replied. “I can get my Dad to set you up with someone.”

“Okay.” Kayla said. “I think I should go home too.”

“Are you sure?” Jess asked. “You don’t have to rush it.”

“Mom, it’s been five weeks. I haven’t rushed anything.” Kayla said. “But I need to go.”

“Alright. We’ll go home tonight.” Todd said.

“Mom? Dad? Can you guys come with us tonight? Help me pack up the baby’s stuff?” Kayla asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, we’ll do that.” Jess agreed.

“We’ll be there. We’ll follow right behind you and Todd.”

“Can I stay with Kayla tomorrow?” Mary asked. “I know it’s a school night…”

“Yes.” Sam said. “Kay, why don’t you and Todd go on? We’ll be right behind you.”

Sitting in the car, Kayla’s thoughts drifted to her lost son and her lost grandfather. Her heart still felt heavy, weighed down with grief, but as much as she didn’t want it to, life went on.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey, guys. Sorry about the somewhat late update here. I've been battling a nasty cold while studying for finals coming up, buying books and prepping for my next semester, working ALL. THE. FREAKING. TIME!. On top of all this, and I am NOT kidding here, someone tried to ** _ **kill ** _ **my mother last night.**

**Yes, you read that right. It's a ridiculously long story, one more convoluted than anything I could ever come up with on my own, but someone tried to kill my mother last night. So, needless to say, I'm more than a little freaked at the moment. **

**She is safe, and for now, everything's okay. But if anyone reading this prays, my family and I seriously need it-for my health (I work in a pharmacy and it's flu season, which I think is to thank for my cold), and for my family situation. I am trying to keep up with my update schedule (at least 2-3 a week), but if I start to slow down, just know that I am still working on this story, things are just super crazy right now.**

**I hope everyone's doing well and that anyone that celebrates it has a very happy Thanksgiving!**

"Kayla Winchester?"

"Right here."

"Let's go, sweetheart."

With Todd's help, Kayla climbed into the wheelchair that the nurse had provided. Todd handed the paperwork to the nurse, then pushed Kayla towards her room.

"Kay, are you sure you don't want me to call your parents?"

"No. I want this to be a surprise."

The three of them reached Kayla's room and Todd laughed as he helped Kayla onto the bed. "This is gonna be one hell of a surprise."

"As long as it actually happens this time."

Before Todd could respond, the nurse had finished setting up the equipment in Kayla's room and turned to them. "Okay, you guys, I'm gonna leave you alone now. The doctor should be in in just a few minutes."

"Thank you." Kayla said. "You look really familiar."

The nurse smiled. "I was here before. When you had your son."

Kayla frowned when she realized who the kind nurse was. "You took care of me that week."

"I did."

"I'm sorry I didn't catch your name."

"Call me Marissa. And I want to show you something." Marissa pointed over to one of the smaller monitors, which was beating rather rapidly.

"What's that?" Kayla asked.

"That, sweetie, is your baby's heartbeat."

"Really? It sounds really fast."

"That's totally normal. Your little one's ready to get here." Marissa said.

Kayla watched the monitor and smiled, then looked down. "I'll see you soon, little one."

"I'll leave you two alone." Marissa said. "I'm gonna be praying for you today. I've thought a lot about you since the last time you were here."

"Will you be there for the delivery?"

"I will. I'll see you later, okay?"

Marissa left and Todd and Kayla were alone. "You nervous?" Todd asked.

Kayla nodded and whispered, "Yeah."

"Hey. Everything's okay. Marissa told you the baby's healthy. We're gonna go in there, get her out, and we'll be on our way."

"You're sure?"

"Yes." Todd said. "Just trust me. Everything'll be okay."

Kayla smiled. "I believe you." Kayla checked the clock and sighed happily. "Can you believe it? By the time the sun comes up, we'll be Mommy and Daddy."

"If I have my way, that's certainly true."

A doctor had walked in, one that Kayla had never seen before. He reminded Kayla of her grandfather. He was tall, very muscular, and had jet black hair with a black beard. He picked up Kayla's chart and checked it, then looked up and smiled.

"Hey there. I'm Dr. Banner. How are you feeling, Kayla?"

"Nervous. Excited."

"Good. From what I can see, you seem to be doing very well, except for one thing."

"What is it? Is the baby okay?" Kayla asked.

"She's fine. Perfectly healthy. But nurse Marissa checked your blood pressure before she left. Yours is a little high."

"Okay…" Kayla said.

"It's at the borderline of being safe for a natural delivery." Dr. Banner said. "So, I'm going to let you two make the decision. Would you like me to go over the pros and cons of a natural delivery versus a cesarean?"

"No thanks." Kayla said. "We remember from last time. And Todd's a resident here."

"Oh, really?" Dr. Banner asked. "What specialty?"

"Pediatrics." Todd said. "I just started."

"Alright then. I need to go check on a couple other patients. Why don't you guys talk and you can tell me your decision when I get back?"

"Thank you, Dr. Banner." Kayla said. When he had left, Kayla turned to Todd. "What do you think?"

"I'm all for safety. I say C section. But you're the one that's gonna have to go through this." Todd answered. "Remember, the whole reason you've been scheduled for today is because the baby's late. That means she's probably huge."

"I think you're right, but I want to be awake for it. I don't want to be knocked out."

"You don't have to be." Todd said. "I'd have to ask Dr. Banner to be sure, but he should just be able to numb you from the waist down and you can be awake for everything."

"I don't see why not." Dr. Banner had walked back inside. "Other than your high blood pressure, you're in very good health."

"I can be awake?"

"You'll probably feel a little pulling or pressure below your waist, and you may be groggy, but you should know everything going on."

"Let's do it." Kayla said with a smile.

"All right. You did what we said, right? You haven't eaten anything since midnight?"

"Not a bit."

"Okay. Let's do this. Let's go get your baby."

Kayla was prepped and Todd dressed in scrubs. Both of them were nervous and trying to hide it from each other, but a special kind of thrill was felt in the room. Even though Dr. Banner and the nurses in the room were all veterans, the novelty of welcoming a new life into world never wore off. A few minutes later, Kayla heard the sound she was waiting for.

"Okay, Dad. You ready to cut the cord?"

"Is she okay?" Kayla asked. "She's not crying."

"We're going to examine her, but she looks to be just fine. Her eyes are wide open and looking around. Give us just a second and you'll be able to see her."

"Todd?"

"She's beautiful, babe." Todd said, beaming.

"Let me see her."

"She's coming. They're gonna clean her up and examine her first."

Five minutes later, Todd brought the baby over to Kayla, bundled up in a blanket. "Here she is, Mommy."

"Oh wow." Kayla said breathlessly. "Hi, baby. I'm your Mommy."

"Kayla?" Dr. Banner said. "It's going to take us about half an hour or so to stitch you up. You three get to know each other."

"Thank you." Kayla said, without taking her eyes off the baby.

"You're certainly welcome, sweetie. Congratulations. She's beautiful."

"Hey, baby." Kayla said again with a laugh.

"I guess naming her after your Dad's not an option anymore, is it?" Todd asked. "What do you think?"

"Samantha." Kayla said. "Samantha Tara."

"I like it." Todd said. "You want me to call our parents now?"

"No. Just stay with us a little while."

"Okay."

Both Kayla and Todd simply stared at the newly christened Samantha. Samantha cooed, but otherwise made no sound indicating she was in any kind of distress.

"Babe?" Todd asked, breaking Kayla out of her reverie. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You're crying."

"I'm just perfect." Kayla said. "Just like her."

"Hey. I just got an idea."

"What?"

"Why don't we call Mary and tell her what happened? She can pick up your Mom and your Dad and bring them here."

"Mary's only had her license for six weeks!"

"You know as well as I do she's a better driver than anybody in the family. Other than Dean."

"True." Kayla said. Mary had driven a very pregnant Kayla quite a few times to doctor's appointment and the like. "Okay. Call her. After we get back to the room."

"Okay, Kayla. We're all done here. How are you feeling?"

"Happy."

Dr. Banner chuckled. "That's good, but I need to know how you're feeling physically."

"I feel numb. Really numb."

"That should wear off pretty soon. Are you in any kind of pain?"

"No."

"Okay, then. Let's get you moved back to your room."

"Can Samantha travel with me?"

"You're still a little weak. I'd like her to go in the bassinet beside you. If you want, you can hold her again when you get back to your room."

Ten minutes later, Kayla, against the advice of one of her nurses, was holding Samantha all over again. Samantha had whimpered a little but not cried yet. When she fell back to sleep a minute later, Kayla finally gave her over to Todd.

"Can you put her down in the bassinet then give me my phone? I want to go ahead and call Mary."

Todd carefully placed the now sleeping soundly Samantha back in her bassinet next to the bed. He stared at her for a minute, kissed her, then turned to Kayla's belongings bag and dug out her phone. Before handing it to her, he laughed.

"What's so funny?"

Todd showed the phone to Kayla, and on the front Kayla could see the notification. _17 Missed Calls-Beanie._

"I'm surprised she's not here already."

"Hey. Why don't we video call Mary? Go ahead and show her the baby?"

Kayla grinned. "Okay."

Mary paced up and down her room. She'd had a feeling all morning that something was going on. Her sister usually at least texted her once a day, and more often than not called her. Mary had been the one trusted with the knowledge that Kayla's due date had changed early in her second trimester. The doctor had discovered the baby was a little bigger than originally thought, so her due date had been changed to the tenth of April rather than the twenty-fourth. But Kayla had begged her to keep her new due date a secret.

"I want to surprise Mom and Dad when the baby gets here. Please don't tell them."

The problem was that the tenth had come and passed. Kayla was overdue now by eight days. She'd had trouble walking for almost three weeks now purely because she was so big. Todd worked a shift in the ER overnight every Saturday and Sunday, so Mary had been spending every weekend with Kayla to help her get around when Todd was either working or sleeping off his overnight shift. Just as she was about to try her sister again, Mary's phone lit up with a video call.

"Where are you?" Mary asked shortly.

"Hello to you too."

"Sorry. I've just been worried about you. Are you okay? You didn't call me last night."

"Yeah. I'm fine. Sorry, we didn't want to worry you."

"Too late." Mary said. "So where are you?"

"Listen. I need to ask you a weird question first. Is Mom or Dad around?"

"No. They went for a walk."

"Okay. Good. We need you to do us a favor." Kayla said. "I'm gonna show you something, okay?"

"Okay…"

Kayla turned in bed a little and groaned. The anesthesia was starting to wear off, and she was sore. She turned the camera towards Samantha's bassinet and heard her sister gasp loudly in surprise before squealing in delight.

"OH MY GOD! YOU HAD THE BABY?!"

Kayla turned the phone back around. "Yes, I had the baby. And she's sleeping right now, so cut out the yelling, please?"

"Sorry." Mary said. "Can I see her again? I swear I won't wake her, I'll be quiet as a mouse.""

"In a second. There's something we need you to do for us."

To say that Steve and Tara were surprised to get the call from Mary was an understatement. Mary was a good kid, but she just didn't interact with them that often. If they came over to see Todd and Kayla and Mary happened to be there, Mary would go quiet and stick close to Kayla. Steve and Tara were friends with Sam and Jess, but Mary would usually stay in her room if they came over for dinner or some other social event. But Mary had called and begged the two of them to come over as quickly as they could. Nothing was wrong, she said, but they needed to come as quickly as possible. Before Steve could knock on the door, Mary came out with Sam and Jess.

"Hi, guys!" Mary greeted them, beaming.

"Hey there. What's going on, guys?"

"We're just as lost as you." Sam said. "Mary just told us she had a surprise for us."

"Yeah. I do. So, Mom, Dad, I need you to trust me, okay? I need to drive you somewhere."

"Drive us somewhere? For what?" Jess asked.

"Just trust me. Please. It'll be worth it."

"Mary, we can't all fit in any of these cars." Sam pointed out.

"I know. Dr. Whitaker can follow me. Just come on, okay?"

"Okay. I don't mind." Steve said.

"I guess it would be easier to just go along with her." Sam said. "Okay, Mary. Lead the way."

Surprised the adults didn't fight her too much more, Mary got in the car with her parents and was followed down the road by Todd's parents. She parked at the hospital and pulled her parents out, telling them over and over she wouldn't give up the surprise. They walked into the emergency room entrance so Mary could further throw everyone off. Jess and Tara began to suspect they knew the surprise, but both dismissed their suspicions. If something was wrong, Kayla would have called them.

"Okay, guys. Here we are."

Mary had led the four adults to a rather generic looking room. There was no name placard on the wall, so everyone assumed the room was empty. Mary knocked on the door and was invited inside.

"Come in."

Four sets of jaws hit the floor when everyone walked in the room. Kayla was lying on the hospital bed, Todd dressed in scrubs beside her. There was a small bassinet next to Kayla's bed, with a pink hat and blanket. In Kayla's arms was a small bundle that Jess thought for a split second was a large potato sack with white fuzzy hair on it. But when the bundle started to whine, Jess had to stop tears. Kayla laughed a little and said,

"Hey, guys. Come meet your granddaughter."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So, this chapter’s a bit…different. I wanted to do a chapter about Kayla struggling to deal with being a new mom. In that chapter, she’s having dinner with her family and the baby, who I pictured as maybe being two to three weeks old at the most, starts crying and Kayla can’t figure out what’s wrong. She ends up getting frustrated because she thinks Samantha doesn’t ‘like’ her. Mommy Jess and Daddy Sam reassure her she’s doing great, and everything turns out okay. But I couldn’t quite make that one work the way I wanted it to. So I came up with this instead. **

**This chapter is written from baby Samantha’s POV. The plot’s still the same in my head-the family’s having dinner together and Kayla’s put the baby to bed. But Samantha’s thinking about her time in heaven with the rest of her family. She misses them and wants them back. But she can’t think of a way to tell this to her family, since all they hear is her crying and whining, so she gets frustrated and starts screaming. **

**Warning-the reason that baby Leslie died is revealed in this chapter. This chapter’s mostly meant to be cute, but it’s pretty angsty too. **

**Just in case it isn’t clear, here’s a little key for what Samantha calls her family:**

**Mommy and Daddy are obviously Kayla and Todd.**

**Nana and Papa are Jess and Sam.**

**Grammy and Pop-pop are Steve and Tara, Todd’s parents.**

**Mamie is Mary. **

**Denny is Dean. **

**Bubba is Leslie, and Bubble is Samantha’s other yet-to-be-named brother. **

Samantha didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know this world, and she didn’t like it. She kept thinking she could wake up and be back at home. Her real home. Her brothers were there, her grandma, her grandpa, and lots of other kids for her to play with. Down here, she couldn’t walk, she couldn’t run, she couldn’t play. Mommy and Daddy were nice enough, but they couldn’t understand her. They tried. Eventually they’d get to what was bothering her most of the time. If she was hungry, they’d feed her, but they’d check her diaper first. They never got it right away.

The hardest part was when Samantha got sad.

She was sad because she felt lonely. She didn’t want to cry all the time, but no one could really hear her. Samantha had spent a long time in heaven with her family and the other kids. Her grandma would come and visit her every single day, holding her and playing with her and singing to her. Her grandpa Lloyd and grandpa John and uncle Bobby and grandma Mary came a lot too.

But there were two people who were always with her.

One of her brothers, who she called Bubba, had left for a while. Grandma Leslie had explained to them, the night before Bubba left, that he was going to be with Mommy and Daddy for a while, and that Samantha and her other brother, Bubble, would follow soon. Things changed. Bubba came back, and Samantha had been happy they were all back together again.

Then, Grandma Leslie came to visit, and she sat all three kids down. Grandma tried to be happy about it, but Samantha could tell she was sad. Grandma had told her that it was her turn to go down with Mommy and Daddy. Samantha tried everything to be able to stay. She had cried, stomped her feet, jumped up and down, and refused to go. Grandma waited her out, then pulled Samantha onto her lap.

“Bubba got to come back. How come I can’t?”

“Listen to me, sweetness.” Grandma Leslie said. “Bubba came back because I pulled him back here.”

“Why? You said he had to go with Mommy and Daddy…”

“Shh. Just listen to me, baby. I’m the one who called your brother back here.”

“You did? How come?”

“Because I found out that he was very sick. His heart didn’t work right. If he’d stayed with your Mommy and Daddy, he wouldn’t have lived very long and he would’ve been in a lot of pain. Your mommy wouldn’t have wanted that for him.”

“So you brought him back so he wouldn’t hurt like that?”

“That’s right.” Grandma Leslie said. “But you are completely healthy. You’re gonna have a long and full life.”

“But I’s gonna miss you.”

“And I will miss you. All of us will. But I promise, you will be back here with all of us one day again.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.” Leslie repeated.

“When do I have to go?”

“We’re gonna have a big party for you first. With balloons and cake and games.”

“And then I’ll go down there?”

“Then you’ll go down there.”

“Is my Mommy and Daddy nice?”

“Your Mommy is gonna love you so much. She will hug and kiss and play with you all the time.” Leslie assured her. “And your Daddy will too.”

“Will I still see you?”

“I will always, always be right here.” Leslie said, pointing to Samantha’s heart. “I’ll always watch over you.”

Samantha had thought long and hard about what her grandmother was saying. She’d always known that she’d go down to Earth one day. She had thought a lot about what having a Mommy and a Daddy would mean. Some of the kids in heaven with them had gone to Earth before and met their mommies. They’d died early for whatever reason and had to come back. A lot of them said they really missed their mommy and wanted to go back to them. Deciding that her grandma wouldn’t lie to her, Samantha was brave.

“Okay, Grandma. I’ll go.”

Grandma Leslie smiled and hugged Samantha to her. “Good girl. Let’s go get ready for this party, huh?”

That conversation felt like a long time ago. Grandma had promised her that Bubble would be right behind her, but Samantha wanted him _now._ She was tired of this new place, where she couldn’t do anything on her own and where people kept looking at her weird and making noises at her. It was cold down here too. Heaven had always been warm, and now Samantha wasn’t warm anymore without someone wrapping her in a blanket or holding her real close.

For what felt like the hundredth time, Samantha’s stomach rumbled. She was hungry again. None of this was fair, and Samantha opened her mouth and wailed. Because it was all she could do.

“Hey, hey, now. What’s going on in here?”

Samantha knew that voice. It wasn’t Mommy or Daddy, but Nana. Nana was nice. She held Samantha real close without holding her too tight. She reminded Samantha a lot of Grandma Leslie, so maybe that was the reason she fell asleep with Nana real easy. Just as Nana was cuddling her, Mommy and Daddy and Papa and Mamie all came into the room.

“She okay?”

“I think so.” Jess said, bouncing the baby slightly. “You okay, little one? What’s going on, huh? Did you get lonely in here all by yourself?”

Kayla leaned over her mother’s shoulders anxiously. “You’re getting hungry again, aren’t you?”

“You sure? Is it time to feed her again already?” Sam asked.

“It’s been two and a half hours.” Kayla said. “Mommy’ll be right back, sweet girl.”

That was the thing Samantha liked the best about her mommy. She could figure out really quick what was wrong most of the time. While Mommy went to get her bottle, Samantha could hear Papa talking to her.

“Shh. It’s okay, kiddo. We’re all here for ya.”

“Mind if I take a shot?”

Denny had come sometime after Samantha had gone to sleep. Nana handed Samantha over to Denny, and she immediately calmed down. She still squirmed and whined, but she stopped crying. Denny took one hand and wiped off the icky wet stuff that was falling from her eyes.

“What’s up with these? What’s going on with you?”

Mommy came back with Samantha’s bottle, and Samantha started eating. She was hungrier than she’d thought. She got sleepy again about halfway through the bottle, and before she was done, her eyes were closed. She felt everyone kiss her, then someone started to lay her back down.

No, Samantha decided. She wouldn’t be stuck by herself again. She opened up her eyes and wailed again.

“Wow.” Papa said. “For two weeks old, you’ve sure got some lungs on you.”

“Let’s just bring her out with us.” Daddy suggested. “She could sleep through a train wreck.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s bring her with us.” Kayla said. “Uncle Dean, you got her?”

“I got her.”

Once she was settled outside of the bedroom in her uncle Denny’s arm, Samantha went back to sleep, dreaming about her brothers and her grandma and heave again. But as she drifted off and felt her mommy kiss her again, she suddenly didn’t miss that all that much. She thought about the bunch of people here that loved her-her mommy and daddy and Denny and Grammy and Pop-pop and Mamie and Nana and Papa.

Maybe things would be okay.


	9. Chapter 9

"Would you come on, please? You're whining more than the babies do."

Dean looked up and glared at Kayla, but opened the front passenger door. "You sure you don't want me to drive?"

"I got this. Come on, let's go."

Kayla buckled eighteen-month-old Samantha and one week old Jesse into their car seats. Samantha was wide awake at only seven o'clock in the morning. She'd actually woken her mother and father up two and a half hours earlier, so that by the time Dean arrived at six thirty, Kayla was dressed, had been through a pot of coffee between her and Todd, and had already changed both kids' diapers. As Kayla finished buckling in Jesse, Samantha spoke up from her car seat.

"Baby."

Kayla smiled. "That's right. That's your baby brother. Do you remember his name?"

"Bubble."

Kayla laughed. "Okay. I guess your new name is Bubble, little man."

"Bubble!"

"Mommy's gotta drive now. Can you take care of Bubble for me?"

In a moment that made Kayla have to fight a squeal from the pure cuteness of it, Samantha reached over in her seat and took her baby brother's hand. "My Bubble."

"You are too, too cute." Kayla said, kissing Samantha again and making the excited toddler giggle. "Let's go see Daddy, huh?"

"Yay! Dada!"

Kayla finally closed the back door of the car, climbed in the front, and drove towards the hospital. Samantha cooed in the backseat at her brother, and they were at the hospital just as the sun was coming up.

"Okay, kiddos. You ready?"

"Dada!" Samantha said.

"Come on. Let's go. You want to go with me or uncle Dean?"

"Beanie!"

"Come here, Noodle."

Dean carried Samantha inside while Kayla picked up a squirming Jesse. Kayla almost, _almost_, felt guilty for what the real plan was. As they approached the floor where Todd worked, Samantha started clapping her hands, much to the delight of the nurses and senior doctors on the floor. Being so early, it was quiet, and Todd quickly checked out newborn Jesse. A jealous Samantha begged for Daddy to 'give checkup' to her too, so Todd checked gave her a special 'big girl' checkup and the two kids followed their uncle into the waiting room.

"Does Dean know why you're really here?"

"No."

"Babe…" Todd said, exasperated. "We talked about this. You can't just blindside him."

"I know. But he's so stubborn."

"What are you planning to do? Just tie him down to the exam table?"

"I guess just take him to the office and hope he doesn't walk out."

"Tell him. Before you guys leave. Tell him. Take the kids to the daycare downstairs and go with him, but make sure you tell him."

"Okay, okay." Kayla said, slightly annoyed. "I hate it when you get bossy."

"But you know I'm right."

"Will Jess be okay in the daycare? He's only a week old."

"Take him to the nursery if you're worried."

"Will they take care of Samantha too? I don't know how long and I'll be and it'll break her heart if they're separated."

"Babe, I promise it'll be okay. Take Samantha to the daycare. There's at least five or six other kids there every day. Just take Jesse with you if you think he's too young. All he does right now is sleep anyway."

An anxious Kayla looked out into the waiting room, where Dean held a giggling Samantha in his lap. Samantha was watching her little brother intently. Dean said something to her, and Samantha leaned over and kissed her brother.

"Am I being too overprotective?"

Todd grabbed Kayla's hand, causing her to turn around and look at him. "You are a brand new mom. You just had a baby seven days ago, and you're already up and around doing things. You are a fantastic mom. Okay?"

Kayla smiled. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. But as much faith as I have in you, you don't need to be carting around both kids today. So I'm asking you. Please take Samantha to daycare. Let her play with the other kids while you go and talk to the doctor with Dean. If it'll make you feel better, I'll go check in on her on my breaks."

"Thank you for putting up with me."

"My pleasure. Go take care of Dean."

Kayla left and walked into the hallway. Samantha smiled and pointed at Jesse. "Bubble seep."

"Bubble's asleep?" Kayla asked. "Good. Hey, Sammie? How would you like to go play with some other kids today?"

"Go pay?"

"Yep. Go play. Mommy has some things to do that wouldn't be very fun for you, so how about you go play for a while and Mommy'll be back to get you later. How's that?"

Samantha clapped her hands and laughed. "Yay! Sammie go pay!"

Relieved, Kayla picked her up and kissed her stomach, making Samantha giggle even harder.

"What else have you got to do?" Dean asked. "I thought we were just doing Jesse's appointment."

Kayla smiled sheepishly. "I may have understated what I had to do today."

"What exactly does that mean?"

"Jesse isn't the only one with a doctor's appointment today."

"What do you…?" Dean suddenly realized what she was saying and fought a groan. "Kid, I told you, I'm fine."

"You're not fine. You're always sick, you're in pain all the time. I'm worried about you."

"And I appreciate it, kid, I do, but…"

"Please, uncle Dean. Please, please, please just do this for me. Just let the doctor check you out today. If he says you're okay and there's nothing to worry about, I swear to you I'll drop this. I'll never bring it up again."

Dean sighed hard. The truth was that he did feel terrible. He was used to being in pain. It came with the life of a hunter. But it was taking longer and longer for him to recover after hunts. He'd had what he thought was two stomach viruses in the last six months, the latest of which had caused him to miss Jesse's birth. Dean was still a relatively young man, and he knew in his head he just shouldn't be feeling this bad all the time.

"Uncle Dean? Please? I've already lost Bobby and Grandpa. I want you to be there when my kids are my age. Please do this. I'll be here the whole day with you, no matter what."

"You've already made an appointment for me, haven't you?"

Kayla grinned. "It's at eight thirty. We've got just enough time to drop off Samantha at the day care here in the hospital."

"Fine. Let's go."

Samantha was surprisingly more than willing to stay at the day care, requiring only one more kiss each from her mommy, uncle, and little brother. A half hour later, Kayla was filling out the paperwork for Dean and a half hour after that, they were sitting in the exam room with a doctor that Todd had recommended to Kayla, Dr. Tannenbaum.

"Okay, Mr. Winchester. What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, I've been feeling really worn down lately. I've gotten two stomach viruses in six months and my back's been hurting more than normal."

"I see. How bad's the pain in your back? On a scale of one to ten?"

"Four maybe?" Dean answered honestly. "But when I get it it's pretty steady. It stays on for at least a day at a time."

"Have you tried any painkillers?"

"They numb it but it doesn't really go away completely."

"Okay." Dr. Tannenbaum answered. "So, all of the things you just mentioned wouldn't worry me separately."

"But together?" Dean asked.

"I don't want to make any guesses yet. But I want you to stay at the hospital today and take some tests. Can you do that?"

"Yes. We can." Kayla answered, earning a glare from Dean. She answered back with a glare of her own. "What tests were you thinking, Doctor?"

Dr. Tannenbaum ran generally through his plan for the day, which included, to Dean's dismay, blood tests and visits to two other doctors. Kayla nodded at each of Dr. Tannenbaum's suggestions, and once the doctor left, Dean was seriously beginning to regret his promise to Kayla.

"Look, kid, I'm fine, I've just got a virus or something…"

"That's lasted for six months?" Kayla argued. "No. You're getting these tests or I'm calling in the big guns."

"Big guns? What are you talking about?"

"I'll call Dad and make him come down here."

"Now you're just being mean." Dean said. "Fine. I'll do it. I'll do all of it. Just remember your promise."

"I'll let it go if there's really nothing wrong with you. But if there is, you have to promise me you'll do everything in your power to treat it." Kayla said.

"Or what?"

"Or if you die, I'll kill you. That's what." Kayla said. "You mean too much to me, uncle Dean. Please make sure you stay around a long time. Please."

Dean softened and nodded. "Fine."

"Do I need to hold your hand and sing the happy song to you?"

"Don't push it." Dean smiled. The 'happy song' was Kayla's trick to get Samantha to sit still for vaccinations.

When Kayla turned her attention back to the sleeping Jesse in her arms, Dean thought back to the days of Kayla being a baby. Watching Sam hold her in much the same way, simply gazing into her face and smiling. Promising her that he loved her and would always be there for her. Dean had not often regretted not having kids, mostly because he couldn't imagine loving any kids that were his own flesh and blood any more than he loved Kayla.

"Hey."

Kayla looked up and smiled. "Yeah?"

"I love you, kiddo."

"Love you more. Now no chick flick moments. Here, take this kid, he's getting heavy."

"Sure." Dean reached out and took Jesse from her arms, then immediately swore to himself. "Damn it!"

"Shh." Kayla teased as she reached into her diaper bag. "Virgin ears. And you know the rules. You touch it, you change it."

"Can't believe I fell for that again. Your dad used to pull that on me with you and Mary."

"I know. Where do you think I learned it from?"

The day progressed in a blur, with Dean going through several tests with no real answers being found. Kayla checked in on Samantha one time, then went back out to the car to get Jesse's car seat for him to sleep in when her arms got tired from carrying him. Finally, in the late afternoon, Dean was sent for an ultrasound. The doctor who was monitoring the test called in another doctor, who pulled Dean and Kayla into a hospital room and brought in a third doctor.

"What is going on?" Kayla finally demanded when the third doctor showed up. "We've been here all day. Do you have an answer for us or not?"

The new doctor, a gray haired man easily in his seventies with a kind disposition, pulled out a chair and pointed to another one. "Mrs. Winchester, please sit down."

"Why should I?" A frightened Kayla snapped. "What is going on?"

"You should because I recognize you from the maternity ward. You just had a baby a week ago. It won't do your uncle or your children any good if you get sick too. Please just sit down. I promise to go over your uncle's test results with both of you."

Kayla finally took a seat after checking on Jesse for the fourth time. She'd just fed and changed him, so he was back to sleep again. "I apologize."

"No need. Really. Now let me introduce myself. My name is Dr. Mills. I'm the chief of Oncology here."

"Oncology?" Dean asked. "Isn't that cancer?"

"Yes." Dr. Mills said. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, and this is not a definitive diagnosis by any means, but your ultrasound results indicate that you may have pancreatic cancer."

"May have? You don't know for sure?"

"May have." Dr. Mills repeated. "I can't stress this enough. I cannot tell you for sure right now. To do that, I'd have to do a biopsy. Which we can do tonight. It'll take a few days to get the complete results, but I strongly urge you to have the biopsy."

"How certain are you?" Dean asked. "Can you give me a percentage?"

"I don't feel comfortable doing that." Dr. Mills answered.

"Doc, I can tell you have an opinion on this." Dean said. "Please just tell me."

Dr. Mills nodded. He could tell when a patient _actually_ wanted to know the truth and when it needed to be sugar coated. "If I had to guess right now, I'd say your chances of having it versus not are ninety to ten."

A shocked Kayla could no longer speak. She didn't know what she'd been expecting, but it certainly hadn't been this.

"Mr. Winchester? Are you alright with having the biopsy tonight? Assuming there's no complications, your niece can drive you home."

"Kay? What do you think?" Dean asked, grabbing Kayla's arm and shaking her out of her reverie.

"Um. Yeah. You need to know. For sure." Kayla said.

"Alright, Doc. Let's do it."

"Okay. I'll give you guys an hour or two to digest the news, call any family you want to call. Then I'll come back and talk you through the procedure."

"Sounds good, Doc. Thanks."

When Dr. Mills left the room, Dean turned back to Kayla. "Okay. Go home."

"What?" Kayla said incredulously. "No!"

"You've been here with me all day. Your kids and your husband need you. Go. Home."

"Exactly." Kayla said. "I've been here all day and I'm staying. Get used to it."

"Kayla Ellen, listen to me. I'll be fine."

"You're being tested for cancer. You are not fine." Kayla protested.

"But I'm not dying from it tonight. Look, I appreciate you being here with me today. I really do. But you need to go home with your family. They need you more than I do."

"I'm not leaving you alone."

"And I don't want you to. I want you to call your dad."

"Dad?"

"Yeah. Call him and tell him I need him to sit here with me. He'll be here before you know it." Dean said. "It's his turn now. Go. Call him."

"Okay. But I stay here till he gets here. And I come back with you when the doctor gives you the results."

"Fine. Just go call him." Dean said. "And thank you again, Bug. I mean it. For making me take care of myself."

"Always. I'll be back."

Kayla left, trying to quell the intense panic she was feeling. She called Sam and gave him a brief rundown of the day's events, and he of course agreed to get right to the hospital. Kayla picked up a sleepy Samantha from the daycare and drove both children home, where she put them to bed and was still up several hours later after her father called to tell her Dean was staying with him for the night and Todd called home to check in.

A week later, the moment of truth came. Kayla had Dean in the passenger seat next to her, having dropped the children off with Jess for the day. She hated leaving two week old Jesse behind, but she did not want either child to be there for what Kayla was certain would be tears on her part if the news was bad.

The news was bad.

"Mr. Winchester, I wish I could give you better news." A grave Dr. Mills told them once the three had sat down. "But I'm afraid it's just as we thought. You're in stage two pancreatic cancer."


	10. Chapter 10

Kayla’s life had become all about taking care of everyone else. She took care of her husband and kids, but in the last six months had taken on caring for Dean too. She took him back and forth to appointments, made sure he kept up with his meds, brought his meals three times a week, and spent every weekend with him as Todd worked at the hospital for thirty six hour shifts. When Dean tried to protest and tell her that she needed to go home, Kayla’s response was swift.

“I’m taking care of you now. Deal with it.”

The truth, though Dean would never admit it, was that he was relieved. With John and Bobby gone, it was lonely sometimes around the house by himself. Kayla, Samantha, and even little Jesse were a lot of company for him. Dean wondered if Kayla had talked to Samantha about it, but the almost two-year-old seemed to sense when her uncle wasn’t feeling well and would take it easy on him. She’d still beg that he hug her, cuddle her, or read to her from her countless board books, but she’d save her demands for tickles and hugs and slightly more rough playtime for when he wasn’t feeling so sick.

At the moment, Kayla was focused on one thing. Samantha’s upcoming second birthday party. Dean wondered if she was focusing so hard on the party in order to help distract her from caring for Dean. Dean knew actually caring for him wasn’t what bothered her. It was the grim reality of what all this care would ultimately lead to. But focusing on the party meant focusing on decorations, a cake, games, all things that would only lead to happiness and good memories.

The whole family was out that Saturday at a small festival in town. Kayla had insisted on everyone going. Sam had been working overtime at his law firm for the last few weeks. Jess had been busy with helping Kayla get ready for the party. Mary, a junior about to become a senior in high school, had been sweating final exams for weeks. Dean was recovering from the end of his first round of chemo, and so had been viciously sick and throwing up for days. Though the fresh air felt good, he was still weak and felt grateful when Kayla didn’t say a word, just grabbed his arm, squeezed it and smiled.

_I’ve got you, _Dean could see her saying.

“Mommy! Mommy! Wook!”

Samantha was holding her Nana’s hand tightly, as instructed, but now was jumping up and down and pointing at a group of kids on the other side of the sidewalk. There was a magician giving a show to the kids.

“You want to go?” Kayla asked.

“Papa go.” Samantha said.

Kayla chuckled. “You don’t want Mommy to go with you?”

“Papa go wif Sammie.” Samantha insisted.

Sam chuckled and picked up Samantha. “Come on, sweetie. I’ll go with you.”

“Yay!”

“Can Mommy have a kiss first?”

“Sammie bow kiss.”

“Deal.”

Samantha placed the palm of her hand to her lip and kissed it, then blew the kiss back towards her mother. Sam walked over towards the magician, and Kayla walked down the street with Jess, Dean, and Mary, who was holding six-month-old baby Jesse. They walked a little ways, enjoying the various vendors, until five minutes later when Kayla spotted Sam walking back towards them, holding a sobbing Samantha. He was rubbing her back and saying something to her as he walked back towards the family.

“What happened?” Kayla asked.

“No cown!” a distraught Samantha sobbed to her mother.

“What?”

“No cown, Mommy! No cown!”

“No clown.” Sam explained. “The magician had a clown buddy that he pulled out in the middle of his show. He came up behind the kids and tapped Sammie on the shoulder. Scared her and she started screaming.”

“Oh, honey. You want Mommy?”

“No cown, Papa.” Samantha said again, arms squeezing around Sam’s neck.

“No clown, baby girl. He’s gone.” Sam assured her. “You want to go to the bouncy house?”

“No. ‘tay wif Papa.”

“Why don’t we all get an early lunch?” Kayla suggested. “Hopefully by the time we’ve eaten she’ll feel better.”

“That sounds like an idea.”

Kayla had everyone sit down. She’d packed them all picnic lunches to avoid having to overspend on the festival food. Luckily, she noted, the two kids were too young to notice the difference. Mary fed Jesse from a bottle that Kayla had packed, and Samantha sat in Sam’s lap as she chowed down on a ham sandwich with ‘mussard and cheese’ Mommy. Kayla was the first to finish when she noticed Jess staring at her.

“What?”

“It’s nothing” Jess said.

“You’re staring at me.”

“It just amazes me sometimes.” Jess said. “You were so worried you wouldn’t be a good mom. Now you’re not just one to your kids, but the rest of us too.”

Kayla blushed. “What do you mean?”

“Look. You made lunch for all of us. You planned this all by yourself. I’m really proud of you.”

“I’ll second that.” Sam agreed.

“Ditto.” Mary said.

“Here here.” Dean said.

“Guys, you’re embarrassing me.” Kayla said, though she leaned over and kissed her mom’s cheek. “Thanks though.”

“No mommy!” Samantha stood up and toddled over between her mother and grandmother. She planted herself between them and snuggled up to Jess, then held a hand out to Kayla. “My Nana.”

Kayla laughed. “Your nana?”

“My nana.”

“She was my mommy first before she was your nana.”

“My nana.” Samantha said, grabbing Jess’s arm to pull around her waist.

“Kayla?”

Kayla turned around, and a woman was standing there, holding a purse and staring at her. The woman looked familiar to Kayla, though it took a minute to place her at first.

“Tayler?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow.” Kayla stood up and hugged Tayler. “How are you?”

“I’m good, how about you?”

“I’m great. You remember my mom and dad?”

“Sure I do. Hi.”

Kayla was so excited seeing her old friend that she failed to notice the scowl on her father’s face. They chatted and caught up for a while, but all Sam could think about was the last time they’d seen Tayler.

_"You all need to stay away from my daughter."_

_"Mr. Winchester…" Tayler tried._

_"No. It's over. I don't ever want to see you again. Understand?"_

_"I understand."_

“Sure. Hang on one second.”

Kayla turned to her family. Samantha was still happily chomping away on her sandwich, though she’d moved to Dean’s lap to do it. She was trying to give him small pieces of it, but Dean had zero appetite. Mary had finished feeding Jesse and was trying to burp him to sleep. She and Jess both noticed Sam tense up, though Kayla hadn’t seen it yet.

“You guys mind watching the kids for a few minutes?”

“Sure…” Mary started to say.

“Yes. We do.” Sam said.

“What?” Kayla asked, taken aback by how rude her father was being out of nowhere.

“Yes, we do mind watching them.” Sam said. “Tayler it was good to see you again.”

“Tayler, give me a second. I’ll be right there.”

“Sure.” Tayler said, walking over to join a man and two other children.

As soon as Tayler was out of earshot, Kayla rounded on her father. “What was that?”

“What was that? I could’ve asked you the same question.”

“She’s a friend. You could’ve been nicer to her.”

“She’s not supposed to be a friend.” Sam was almost growling. “I told you not to see her anymore.”

Kayla’s eyes bulged. “You can’t be serious. That was over ten years ago.”

“I don’t care. You were thirteen, and she was giving you booze and drugs…”

“First off, she didn’t give me anything. She tried to talk me _out _of doing those things. But when she couldn’t, she kept an eye on me and made sure I didn’t overdo it. She’s the only friend I had for a long time.”

“Some friend.” Sam muttered.

“You know what? You want to drag up the past? Fine. If it’s such a problem for you to watch your grandchildren for five minutes while I go talk to my friend, then don’t do it. Mom? Mary? Dean? Are you okay with it? I’ll be right back.”

Kayla didn’t wait for anyone to answer, just walked away with one last withering glare at Sam. There was an awkward silence for close to two full minutes which felt like two hours to everyone else. Sam realized almost right away, without anyone saying anything, that he’d been ridiculous. It had been way over ten years since Sam had banned Kayla from being friends with Tayler, and, most importantly, Kayla was an adult now. Her friends, no matter how good or bad Sam thought them to be, were Kayla’s decision now. As Mary was laying a sleeping Jesse down on the blanket, and Samantha was picking up the bottle of water Jess had been drinking and attempting to drink it herself. Before anyone could say anything to him, Sam got up and walked over to where Kayla and Tayler were talking. Tayler, who had just been saying something to Kayla, was the first to spot Sam and stop talking. Kayla, noticing that her friend had gone silent, looked over and spotted her father, looking rather sheepish and sort of embarrassed.

“Can I talk to you both?”

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea…” a still angry and frustrated Kayla started to say.

“Kay? It’s okay.” Tayler said.

“Thank you, Tayler. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I was really rude to you over there and that was inexcusable.”

“Yes. It was.” Kayla agreed.

“Kay.” Tayler said simply. “Mr. Winchester, it’s okay. I can’t really say I blame you. The last time we saw each other wasn’t the best of memories. For either of us.”

“Thank you.” Sam said. “But Kayla said, and she was right, that it’s been a decade. None of us are the same person we were back then.”

“I’m glad you think that way.” Tayler said. “I was just telling Kayla that I’ve moved here. We were talking about setting our kids up for playdates. Here, meet my husband.”

Sam was impressed with the change in Tayler. She was an accountant, a bookkeeper for a few of the major businesses in town. Sam was surprised to find that Tayler had been living less than ten miles away from the family for almost five years, yet had never run into any of them. Tayler met up with Jess, Dean, and Mary, and the day turned into the nice family get together that Kayla had pictured.

Later that night, after Kayla and Todd _thought _they had put both kids to bed, Samantha couldn’t sleep. She knew what the next day would bring, and couldn’t understand why everyone else was so excited about it.

She was turning two. Turning two meant one thing to babies. Samantha would no longer know things that adults didn’t know she knew. She wouldn’t remember her grandma or her other brother or maybe even her little brother. It wasn’t fair. She didn’t want to turn into a big girl. Samantha thought about crying, but she didn’t want her mommy and daddy to come into the room. They just wouldn’t understand why she was so sad.

Then she got an idea. Samantha had known for months how to climb out of her crib. There were nights that she crawled out of it and was out for hours and no one ever knew. She would head over to her brother’s room and play with him, then walk back to her own room when Bubble decided that Samantha staying too long would make Mommy and Daddy suspicious.

“I have to wake them up at least every couple of hours or Mommy comes in and thinks I might be dead or something.”

Samantha climbed out of her crib and opened her door, then headed silently down the hall to Jesse’s room. She found her brother sound asleep, laying in his crib sucking his thumb and holding on to a little stuffed elephant he’d gotten when he was born. Samantha very carefully climbed the bars of Jesse’s crib and got in beside him, the motion enough to wake her sleeping brother. While what they said to each other might have sounded like unintelligible baby talk, to them it was perfectly clear.

“Why’d you wake me up?” Jesse grumbled.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Samantha explained. “’m scared.”

“About what? About turning two tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I’m gonna forget everybody.” Samantha said.

“No you won’t. I won’t let you forget me.”

“I didn’t mean you. I meant everybody from before. Grandma Leslie and Grandpa and uncle Bobby and Grandma Mary and all the other kids. Why can’t I keep them?”

“I don’t know.” Jesse said. He was almost as frustrated as Samantha was. He wanted to give her a hug, but his little arms were just too short. “Maybe if you can’t remember, you won’t miss them so much.”

Instead of making Samantha feel better, Jesse’s words had the exact opposite effect. She started crying. “What if Grandma thinks I don’t love her anymore?”

“She won’t. She knows you do.” Jesse said.

“And we’ll stop being best friends.”

“I won’t let that happen.” Jesse promised.

“You swear?”

“Swear.” Jesse said. “You wanna sleep in here with me?”

“I don’t need to go back to my room?”

“Nah. Mommy’ll think it’s really cute.” Jesse said. “The worst she’ll do is take a bunch of pictures and send them to Nanny and Mamie and Grammy.”

“You think it’ll be fun tomorrow?”

“I think so. Mommy said there’ll be games and cake and music and a lot of fun stuff.”

“I hope there’s no clown like at the festival today. He was scary.”

“I don’t think Papa will let there be a clown.” Jesse said.

“Good.” Samantha yawned and laid down. “Can I hug you while we sleep?”

“Sure.” Jess said.

Samantha pulled her arm around Jesse’s middle. “Night night, Bubble. I love you.”

“Night night, Sissy. Don’t have no bad dreams.” Jesse said with a yawn of his own. “Don’t worry. Everything be okay tomorrow. Love you too.”


	11. Chapter 11

If Kayla heard one more cough, sneeze, or sniffle, she swore to anyone who would listen, she was going to snap like a twig.

It had started two weeks earlier with Jesse waking up with what Kayla thought was just a cold. He was coughing just enough that it was keeping him awake. She'd given him some infant Tylenol, cuddled him a little, then ended up falling asleep in the rocking chair with him. Three hours later, Samantha had woken up screaming.

This time, after placing a sleeping Jesse back down in his crib, Todd had been the first to respond. He was getting ready to leave for work, and was holding a distressed Samantha in his lap. She was red in the face, though whether that was from screaming or from illness Kayla couldn't tell. Samantha had been sniffling all week, but clearly the sniffles had turned into something worse. Todd diagnosed her with an ear infection, took her temperature, and gave Samantha strict instructions to stay in bed and let Mommy take care of her for the day.

Then, an hour after Todd had left, Jesse woke up screaming the same way. So the tone of Kayla's week was set. Two crying, sick kids and hoping and praying that she didn't get sick too.

The third day of both kids being sick was Saturday. The two kids were getting better, but Kayla was feeling rundown and irritable. Samantha had been awake until four in the morning, Jesse until five. Todd had a rare Saturday off and had stayed up to help with the sick kids.

Kayla had no idea it was ten in the morning when she felt herself shaken awake. She was on the couch, having been too tired to make what felt like the hike back to her bedroom after putting Jesse down to sleep. She jumped a little, then relaxed when she saw it was just her mother and father.

"Hey, sweetie. Sorry, we didn't mean to scare you." Jess said. "We were knocking and no one was answering, but your cars are both out there. Are you guys okay?"

"Yeah." Kayla said, sitting up. "We were up late with the kids."

"Are they still sick?"

"Yeah. They're getting better, but not fast enough." Kayla grumbled. "What time is it?"

"It's about ten in the morning." Jess said. "How long have you been asleep?"

"Since about six."

"We came to see if you wanted to go with us to get Mary." Jess said.

"Get Mary?" Kayla asked, until she remembered. Mary was coming home for the summer after her first year of college. "Ugh, that's probably not a good idea."

Jess whispered something in Sam's ear, who nodded in agreement. "Honey, do you want me to stay today? Help you take care of the kids so you and Todd can get some rest? You look exhausted."

"What about Mary?"

"She's a big girl. She'll understand." Jess said.

"No, Mom. Go get her. She's probably real excited to be coming home to tell you about school. I know I was." Kayla prodded. "I'll be okay. Todd's off today so he'll be here for backup. Tell Mary I'll see her later tonight."

"Okay, honey. I will. You lay down and take a nap."

"A what?"

"You heard what I said. A nap." Jess took a blanket and held it open to wrap over Kayla. "Come on, now. I mean it. Lay down."

"Mom…"

"Just because you're an adult doesn't mean I can't treat you like my kid. Lay down."

"Yes, ma'am." Kayla gave in and laid back down. "Oh, wow, that feels amazing."

"Get some sleep."

"Mom? Dad?" Kayla said. "Can I ask for something that might seem, maybe, a little weird?"

"What, honey?" Sam asked.

"Are you in a big hurry to go get Mary?"

"What do you need?" Jess pressed.

"Will you stay till I go to sleep?" Kayla asked. "Like you used to when I was little?"

Kayla had no idea where the request had come from. She was in her mid twenties and had not been tucked in since she was thirteen. Her parents were just as surprised. They looked at each other and shrugged, then smiled and both sat down on the edge of the couch next to Kayla. Jess stroked Kayla's hair as Sam held her hand.

"Go to sleep, Kay. We love you."

"Love you too, Mommy."

"Kay. Wake up, honey."

"Wha…?" Kayla sleepily stirred awake. "No. Five more minutes, Dad."

Normally Todd would've found Kayla mistaking him for her father funny, but not this time. Todd was barely swallowing back panic at the mere thought of his phone call with Dean, and he could only imagine what would be going through Kayla's head once he told her.

"Kay, come on. You need to wake up."

"Todd?" Kayla asked. "What's wrong? Are the kids okay?"

"The kids are fine. Listen, sit up and drink this."

Kayla sat up and took the cup out of Todd's hands. "What is it?"

"Coffee."

Kayla finally noticed that Todd wasn't waking her up just to wake her up. He looked panicked. "What's wrong?"

"Dean just called me. You and I have to get to the hospital. Now."

"Why? Dean's in remission." Kayla said, panicked. "Why's he at the hospital?"

"It's not Dean, baby." Todd said. "Mary and your parents were in a bad wreck."

"What? Are they okay?"

Kayla nodded. "Okay. Yeah. Um, let's call your parents and take the kids there…"

"Already taken care of. They'll be here in twenty minutes. My mom said they're ready to stay here for three days, and if it's any longer than that, they'll take the kids to their house."

"Okay. Okay."

"Hey. Come here." Todd pulled Kayla into a tight hug and could feel her shaking underneath him. "You can't panic yet. We don't know anything. Just try to stay calm until we get there and find out what's going on."

Kayla nodded. "Yeah. I know you're right. I'm just scared."

"I know, babe. I know. I promise you, though, I'll be right there the whole time."

"Where was the accident?"

Todd swallowed. "They were almost home. It happened on Glen Road."

"That's only five miles away."

"I know. Apparently, Mary wanted to see you so your Dad took a detour and was on his way here. He lost control of his car and slid off the bridge onto the highway below."

"Oh…"

"Mommy?"

Kayla looked in the hallway, where a sleepy Samantha was standing and holding her teddy bear in her arms. As Samantha wiped sleep from her eyes, Kayla tried to replace the worried look in her eyes with her best 'everything's okay' look.

"Hey, baby. You feeling any better?"

"Yeah. My ear not hurt no more." Samantha said. "But I still feels yucky."

"You'll be better in a few days. As long as your ear doesn't hurt anymore it means you're getting better." Todd explained. "Come here, baby girl."

"Mommy, why you crying?" Samantha asked after crawling into Kayla's lap. "You sick too?"

"No, honey, I'm not sick." Kayla said. She kissed the top of Samantha's head and smoothed her hair, as much to soothe herself as to soothe Samantha. "I'm not sick."

"Why you crying?" Samantha repeated. She reached over and wiped some of the tears off her mother's face, making Kayla cry want to cry even more. "You sad?"

"I guess I am a little sad. But I'm more scared. Nana and Papa and Mamie got hurt a little while ago, sweetie."

"Hurt? Is they okay?"

"I don't know. Daddy and I are going to check on them in a few minutes."

"I go too?"

"No. We need you to stay here with Grammy and Pop-pop."

"I wanna go see Papa." Samantha pouted. "Pease, Mommy?"

"Sammie, now is not the time for this." Todd reprimanded gently.

"Sammie, listen to me. Okay? Can you put your listening ears on?"

Samantha grabbed the lobes of her ears and promised, "Listenin', Mommy."

Kayla could swear she'd felt something pinch her heart. Jess had taught that gesture to Kayla, who passed it down to Mary, who had passed it down to Samantha. The thought crossed Kayla's mind that she may never see it from Mary again, and she had to shut it down. She couldn't think that way and still function like she needed to.

"The best way you can help Mommy right now is to stay with Grammy and Pop-pop and be really good for them. Can you do that for me? Please?"

"I can do that."

"Thank you, my sweet girl. And help Grammy with Jesse, okay?"

"I got it, Mommy." Samantha promised. "You want huggies?"

"I think I need them."

"If I give you a bunches, will you give them to Nana and Papa and Mamie?"

"That sounds like a great idea." Kayla said. "Let's see how many you can give me before Grammy gets here."

The answer was twenty. Samantha would open up her arms as wide as they would go, wrap them around her mom's neck, and squeeze. By the time Steve and Tara pulled up, Kayla found herself actually laughing. The feeling was strange. She was laughing, even with the deep pit she felt forming in her heart. One she hoped wouldn't be there by the time they got to the hospital.

_Everything's okay. It has to be._

"Gwammy!"

Samantha jumped off her mother's lap and ran to her grandmother, her worries about Jess and Sam and Mary behind her for the moment. Jesse woke up in his room crying, and Steve volunteered to go get him. Samantha followed him, and a shaky Kayla finally turned to Tara.

"Thanks for watching them. We'll be back soon…"

"No you won't." Tara said. She took Kayla's hand and said forcefully, but with all the compassion she could give, "I've got the children."

"I know, but…"

"No buts. You go take care of your parents and your sister. I. Have got. The children. As long as it takes, no matter how long it might take. You can't focus on them and on your folks and sister right now. That's too much for anyone. I will take care of them. Understand?"

A relieved Kayla nodded. "Yes. Thank you, Tara."

"You don't to thank me for this, sweetheart. But you're welcome." Tara said. "And if you need to talk, call me. Okay? Day or night."

"I will."

"You guys go on." Tara said. "Kiss the kids and go on."

Kayla said goodbye to both kids and got into the car. Todd insisted that he drive, and Kayla didn't argue. The journey to the hospital seemed to take hours. Todd tried to distract Kayla by taking her hand and talking to her, but Kayla was simply too afraid to be distracted. Various memories flowed through her head. Bringing Mary home from the hospital. Sitting with Sam in the hospital after she'd broken her arm. Sitting in Jess's lap as a little girl as Jess brushed her hair. Finally, the hospital came into view, and Kayla barely waited for Todd to turn the car off before running into the emergency room.

Dean was sitting there, his knee bouncing up and down anxiously. He'd been waiting for Kayla but dreading when she would actually arrive. The doctor had come out fifteen minutes earlier and given Dean the worst news he'd ever had. And that was a lot for him. The doctor had offered to break the news to Kayla, but Dean declined. As much as he hated the duty, it was his duty, and he would have to do it.

"Uncle Dean."

Dean stood up and saw Kayla racing towards him. It was only after he stood that he realized he'd been crying, and he wiped his face to try and stop Kayla from seeing it.

It didn't work.

"What's wrong?"

"Sit down, kiddo."

"I don't want to sit. What's wrong?" Kayla insisted. "Where is everyone?"

"Your dad's being checked out. He's got a nasty concussion and a broken leg, some cuts and bruises."

"Mom? Mary?"

Dean swallowed hard, and shared a look with Todd, who immediately seemed to sense what was coming and wrapped an arm around Kayla's shoulder.

"Uncle Dean, where are they?"

"The car flew off the bridge onto the highway, kiddo. Your dad was going almost seventy."

"Just tell me!" Kayla said impatiently, though she was fairly certain now that she didn't want to know.

"They're gone, Kayla." Dean said, and another tear slipped out. "Your mom and Mary were dead when the paramedics got there."


	12. Chapter 12

"They…what?"

"I'm sorry, Kay. They were dead when the paramedics got there."

"No." Kayla said, refusing to believe it. "No, it can't be true."

Dean had expected Kayla to be in shock, so he was prepared. "I'm sorry, kiddo. It's true."

"Family of Sam Winchester?"

A doctor had come out and was standing around looking for them. Kayla gathered her courage, took a deep breath, and called to the doctor.

"Right here."

The doctor approached them, and Dean recognized him as the doctor who had told him earlier that Jess and Mary had died. The name escaped him, but the doctor took care of that.

"I'm Dr. Miller. You are…"

"This is Sam's daughter and her husband. Kayla and Todd."

"Doctor, where's my father?" Kayla asked. "Is he…"

"He's alive. Take a seat, please. I need to update you about your father's condition." Dean took a seat, followed by the doctor, who sat between Dean and Kayla. Todd took Kayla's hand and sat with her, squeezing it to let her know he was there for her.

"Your father hit his head very, very hard when the car crashed. It caused his brain to swell inside his head. We've inserted a shunt to help drain the fluid causing the swelling."

"And? Will he wake up?"

"I'm afraid I can't answer that at the moment. The only thing we can do for your father right now is monitor him to see if he wakes up."

"_If_? You mean he might not?"

"I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you more. But all we can do now is monitor your father. We'll give it a few days and then re-evaluate our options if nothing changes."

"Is he breathing? Does he know what's going on?"

"He's not breathing on his own, no. He's on a ventilator. As for what he's aware of? That's something we just can't know until he wakes up."

Kayla nodded. The doctor's words were sinking into her brain, but she simply couldn't process them completely. "What about my mother? My sister?"

"Did anyone tell you…"

"I know they're…" Kayla swallowed, still unable to say it. "I know. What happens with them now?"

"Well, I need to talk to you about that too." Dr. Miller said. "The police are still investigating the accident, but it seems there's no evidence of foul play. We ran a blood alcohol level…"

"Sam would never drive drunk!" Dean said angrily, speaking for the first time since Dr. Miller came back. "Especially not with one of his kids in the car!"

"I'm not saying he did. It's just standard procedure in motor vehicle accidents."

Dean exhaled hard. "Sorry, Doc."

"Don't be. I mean that. It's alright." Dr. Miller said. "Kayla, since you're the next of kin for your mother and sister, and your father's incapacitated at the moment, the decision's yours."

"What decision?"

"Whether or not to perform an autopsy on your mother and sister."

"Is that really necessary?" Kayla asked.

"It could help us figure out what happened. I have to emphasize _could_. If the accident was simply caused by a problem with the car, there may be nothing to find."

Kayla turned to Todd and Dean. "What do you guys think?"

"I don't like the idea." Dean said. "But it's up to you."

"I assure you, we'll treat your mom and sister with the utmost respect." Dr. Miller promised. "As soon as we've examined them, you can take them and make whatever arrangements you need to."

A few seconds of silence later, and Kayla made her decision. "Do it. But can I see them first?"

"Of course. I'll take you myself." Dr. Miller offered. "Would you like your husband and uncle to go with you?"

"Um, no." Kayla said. She turned to Todd and Dean and said, "Will you wait here? I want to talk to Mom and Mary alone for a minute."

"Yeah, kiddo. We'll be here." Dean said.

"You sure you want to do this alone?"

"No. I don't want to do this at all. But I'd rather you stay here with Dean and come get me in case something happens with Dad."

"I can do that." Todd said. "I can definitely do that. Do you want me to call Mom and tell her what's going on?"

"Yes, please." Kayla answered. "Thanks."

"Right this way, Mrs…."

"Whitaker." Kayla answered.

"Right this way, Mrs. Whitaker."

The walk down the hall was silent, and Kayla was fighting to keep her composure. The realization of what had happened still had not quite settled on her. Her heart hurt, her head was pounding, and still she couldn't make herself feel the loss completely. It was almost as if the grief was dripping into her slowly, and Kayla dreaded the moment it took over completely. The doctor stopped at the door of the morgue.

"Are you sure about this, Mrs. Whitaker? We'll keep your family safe until you're ready for this."

"I appreciate it, Doctor, but if I don't do this now I never will." Kayla said. "And if I don't do it, I'll regret it. I need to do it."

Dr. Miller nodded and opened the doors. There was someone inside that Dr. Miller cleared out, telling them to 'find something else to do for a while'. He showed Kayla the two exam tables in the room. There were clearly two bodies there, one slightly shorter than the other, each with a sheet.

"Take your time." Dr. Miller assured her. "No one's rushing. When you're done, you can come back to the waiting room where we were before, or have the nurse out there page me and I'll be here as soon as I can."

"Thank you, Dr. Miller." Kayla said. "I have to say, you've been very patient and kind with us."

The doctor frowned slightly and seemed to debate whether or not to tell Kayla what he was about to tell her. "I lost my mom suddenly about six weeks ago."

"I'm sorry." Kayla said automatically. She did feel sorry for the doctor, but her focus was on her own pain at the moment.

"Thank you. Like I said, take your time."

Dr. Miller left, and Kayla stood frozen, unable to move. Time had stopped. For the last three years of her life, Kayla's focus had been almost entirely on caring for her children or caring for a sick Dean. At that moment, she didn't care. She didn't care that both the kids were sick and that she wasn't there. She would later hate herself for feeling that way, but at the moment that was the farthest thing from her mind. Kayla moved to the table on the right and, hands trembling, pulled down the sheet.

It was Mary. Though they'd talked on the phone almost every night, Kayla hadn't seen Mary in almost three months. Her sister had gained a little weight, though Kayla felt a little jealous. Her sister had always been small and skinny, but it seemed to make Mary even more beautiful. Kayla had heard people say that someone who'd died looked like they were sleeping. She'd always thought it was, in Bobby's terms, 'utter bullcrap'. Mary didn't look like she was sleeping. Her skin was pale and she was stiff to the touch. Still, Kayla stroked her cheek and tried to smile.

"Hey, Pipsqueak." Kayla said. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there to bring you home. The kids were still sick and I was exhausted. If I know you, you were making Mom and Dad take you to my house so you could make me let you take care of them for a while."

Kayla had to take a pause as her mind overflowed with visions and memories of Mary. One stood out above all the others.

_Sam shifted a little in the seat. "Honey, will you please hold Mary for me? My arm's getting tired."_

"_Why don't you put her back in the crib?"_

"_Because she'll start crying again." Sam said. "Will you please hold her? It'd help me out a lot."_

"_Okay, Daddy."_

"_Thank you." Sam said. "Here, sit up a little so I can give her to you."_

"_I won't hurt her?"_

"_No. You won't. I promise." Sam said. "Here you go."_

_When Mary landed in Kayla's arms, she instantly calmed. Her fussing stopped, and she stared at Kayla with big, brown eyes. Sam shook his head in disbelief. Mary had been crying for weeks straight. Figures, he thought. But Sam held his breath when he saw that a smile was beginning on Kayla's lips as she watched her baby sister._

"_Hey, Mary. I'm Kayla."_

_Mary cooed and continued to focus on the sound of Kayla's voice._

"_I'm sorry I was mean to you." Kayla said. "I was really scared when Mommy got sick. I know you didn't do it, but I was scared it might happen again."_

_Mary made another noise, one Kayla couldn't quite decipher._

"_Daddy, did I make her mad?"_

"_No, honey. Keep talking." Sam said. "She likes you."_

"_She likes me?" Kayla said with a smile. She looked back down to Mary, eyes sparkling. "You like me?"_

_Mary made another sound that sounded suspiciously like a laugh. Sam knew it wasn't a laugh, because Mary was too young for it. But Kayla's eyes lit up with an excitement that Sam had never before seen in her._

"_Look, Daddy, I made her laugh!"_

"_You did, baby. Good job." Sam said._

"_Can I sing to her? To put her back to sleep?"_

"_Go for it."_

_Kayla turned back to Mary and mimicked her mommy and daddy. All the nights they'd sung to her when she was sick, or sad, or hurting, or just needing attention came back through Kayla. "Rest my little darling, you've had a busy day. The sun is a falling, and it's time for me to say. Hush, hush, little mermaid goodnight. Hush hush little mermaid sleep tight."_

Kayla sniffled, trying to keep any tears at bay. She still had one more person to talk to, and breaking down would only make that process all the harder. She smoothed Mary's hair and sang to her for the final time.

"Rest my little darling, you've had a busy day. The sun is a falling and it's time for me to say. Hush, hush, little mermaid goodnight. Hush hush little mermaid sleep tight." Another beat and Kayla said her final goodbyes. "Take care of Mom and Leslie for me. You do that, and I'll take care of Dad and Dean."

Kayla wrapped Mary back up and turned with a dread unlike any she'd ever experienced to the other exam table. She knew what was there, and was debating turning to leave. She didn't know if she'd want that memory sticking in her head for the rest of her life. But she couldn't talk to Mary and not to her mother. So she lifted the sheet and pulled it down. Another memory flooded her as her mother's face came into view. It was vague, and one she hadn't thought about in years. She couldn't have been older than four when it happened.

"_Kayla. It's time to wake up, honey."_

_Kayla giggled. Her plan was really smart! If she stayed under the blanket, Mommy couldn't find her. She heard Jess cross her room and saw her silhouette stop just short of the bed. She giggled again, then realized she was making noise, so she shut her mouth really tight. Kayla saw Jess put her hands on her hips and stand there, looking around._

"_Well, I could've sworn Kayla was in bed the las time I checked. I wonder where she could be."_

_Kayla giggled again._

"_Hmmm. Could she be here?"_

_Suddenly, Jess's hands were on top of the blanket, tickling her, and Kayla exploded into a fit of giggles that had her whole blanket shaking. After a minute or two of giggling, Jess had the blanket pulled back._

"_There she is!" Jess said. "Good morning, Bug."_

"_Hi, Mommy."_

"_Hi." Jess blew a raspberry on Kayla's tummy, making her laugh again. "Were you hiding from me?"_

"_Yep."_

"_Well, you did good. Because I was just about to eat Daddy's pancakes all by myself."_

"_Daddy made pancakes?" Kayla asked._

"_He did. But he said if you're not at the table before I can count to ten you don't get any."_

"_You carry me, Mommy? He won't take them away from both of us."_

_Jess smiled. "Can't argue with that. Let's go."_

Jess was in worse condition than Mary. Her face had more cuts than Kayla could count. She had clearly been cleaned up by the doctors, but there was still dried blood in certain places. Kayla tried to wipe it away with the sleeve of her shirt, with varying success. Finally, she stopped and started to talk to her mother.

"I should've taken you up on your offer." Kayla said. "Maybe if I had, you'd be here…"

Kayla let out her first full sob of the day, but quickly got herself under control. Sam was going to need her when he woke up. She couldn't allow herself the possibility that he wouldn't. Maybe it was selfish of her to think, but Jess had Mary with her. Kayla needed Sam to stay here with her. It was too much to lose everyone in a single day.

"Dad's here. He's alive. The doctors are still working on him. He's in pretty bad shape." Kayla said. "Something about his brain swelling too much and having to bring it down. Todd could explain it better."

Another memory floated by. Samantha at the park the day that Tayler had come back into Kayla's life a year or so before. Kayla leaning over and giving her mother a kiss on the cheek, only for Samantha to leave her beloved Papa's lap to climb into Jess's.

_No, Mommy. My Nana._

Kayla choked back another sob. "How am I supposed to explain this to Samantha? Or to Dad? How am I supposed to do that, Mom?"

And with that, Kayla felt something else bubbling over inside her. Anger. Pure, raw anger. She'd experienced it before, and she'd even experienced it to this degree. But she hadn't thought about it in years. She remembered feeling this way at thirteen, when her parents explained that she was being sent to John's to live to help her 'put yourself back together'.

What a joke. Kayla had never been more fragmented. When she thought about everyone that was gone, everyone she thought about constantly that her children would never get to meet or, at best, would barely remember, she felt hollow. Cold. Her grandmother, Bobby, their older brother, John, and now Mary and Jess. The simmering anger in her finally exploded.

"Damn it!" Kayla screamed at no one in particular. "Does this ever stop?" She finally risked a look back down at her mother. "What am I supposed to do now? How do I tell Dad that you and Mary are…you were his whole life, Mom! How am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to break his heart? How am I supposed to do that again?"

Kayla felt a hand on her shoulder. Her instinct to jump was worn down by grief, and in a split second she found herself sobbing onto Todd's shoulder.

"I heard you scream down the hall." He offered by way of explanation of why he'd come when she asked to be alone.

"How am I supposed to do this?" Kayla weeped.

Todd could barely make out the words, but he got the gist of it.

"How do I tell Dad about this? How do I do it?"

"Listen to me. I don't know what the next step'll be. But I swear to you, I'm right here with you for all of it. Okay?"

Kayla nodded.

"Mom said the kids are fine. They both seem to be over their ear infections. Unless you'd rather them not do it, they want to take the kids fishing at the lake for a couple days. Is that okay?"

"Yes." Kayla said gratefully. "Yes, tell them thank you for me."

"I will. They said they'd bring them back whenever you're ready to see them."

"Okay."

"Listen. Dr. Miller just came out to see Dean and me. Your dad's been moved to recovery. Are you ready to see him?"

"Is he awake?"

"No." Todd said. "No, he's still unconscious."

"Yeah." Kayla said. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"Alright. Let's go. Dean wanted to know if you wanted to see your dad alone for a few minutes before he came."

"No. All of us go together. I want to spend the night with Dad, so can you go stay with Dean for me at night?"

"You got it. Come on."

"Wait." Kayla pulled away from Todd and wrapped her mother back up. She was trying to say goodbye, but choked up again.

"Hey. Dusty's coming after they do the autopsy. He'll take care of them. Both of them."

"We're not doing anything until Dad wakes up."

Todd resisted the urge to remind Kayla that Sam might not wake up. "Okay."

Kayla finally left the room and walked back down the hall with Todd, where Dean and Dr. Miller were waiting. Kayla hated herself for thinking it, but she was grateful at the moment Sam wasn't awake. It saved her from having to deliver the heartbreaking news until, hopefully, she'd recovered herself enough to do it. She shared a hug with Dean, and finally noticed that he was looking rather pale and shaky himself. She hoped it was from grief, and not that Dean was getting sick again and hiding it from her.

"Let's go find your Dad."

Kayla nodded, too tired to cry anymore. "Let's go."


	13. Chapter 13

It had been two full days, and very little had changed. Sam was still unconscious. The only bit of good news over the last two days had been Sam’s breathing tube coming out. He’d kept breathing on his own, a sign that he was getting better. Kayla kept a constant vigil beside his bed, one that not even Dean could keep pace with. The two of them had switched places from their usual duties-Dean was now caring for a distraught Kayla, while Kayla was the one who had to be reminded to eat and sleep. Though Kayla desperately wanted her father to wake up, she dreaded him doing so. He still had no idea about Mary and Jess.

The police had already concluded their investigation. There was no real criminal activity that had led to the accident. The brakes on Sam’s car had started to go bad a month earlier. He’d had them fixed, and the new ones seemed to be working well. But ironically, those new brakes had been exactly the problem. Just twelve hours after the accident, the manufacturer had issued a nationwide recall on those brakes. Apparently, after a month to three months of moderate to heavy use, the brake lines in most of the cars they’d been installed in had snapped, leading to accidents just like the one that had killed most of Kayla’s family.

Kayla was flipping through her phone, looking at pictures stored there. The newer ones were, of course, mostly of Samantha and Jesse. But Kayla had installed a printer app on her phone and scanned every one of her father’s old photos he kept stored at their house. This was no small task-her father had printed close to a thousand photos and had them all in various scrapbooks and other places around the house. It had taken Kayla almost three full days of working steadily to scan all of them. She constantly had a low storage alert on her phone, warning her that she was running out of space.

“What are you looking at?”

Todd had come back into the room with a cup of coffee for each of them. Kayla felt oblivious. She didn’t even realized he’d left. But she thanked him for the coffee and went back to her phone.

“The photos I scanned at Dad’s.”

“Weren’t there like a thousand of those?” Todd asked.

“Thousand and three.” Kayla answered monotonously.

“Babe, you need to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.” Kayla said.

“It won’t do your Dad any good if you get sick too.” Todd said gently. “Dean just left to get us some sandwiches.”

“Fine.” Kayla responded. She was too tired to argue.

A long moment passed, and Todd asked, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Kayla stared at the photo she was on. Mary was five years old, sitting on Kayla’s lap and putting both hands on Kayla’s eyes. Kayla didn’t know in the photo that Mary was there. She started to recall the memory in the photo, but decided instead to talk to Todd about it.

“I told Mary once that the wrong kid came first.”

“What do you mean?”

“She was always sticking up for me. I told her she should’ve been the older sister.”

“Babe, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Todd said. “I heard what you said to your mom in the morgue.”

“You heard what?” Kayla asked.

But before Todd could answer, the sound that Kayla had hoped to hear for days came from Sam’s bed. The first thing she saw was Sam’s hand move slightly under the blanket. He stirred a little, and Kayla sent Todd for a doctor. She sat on the edge of Sam’s bed, smiling at him as Dr. Miller came inside. Sam started to speak, but his voice was hoarse from not talking for days.

“Hang on, Dad. It’s Kayla. Okay? Let the doctor look you over and I promise I’ll tell you everything.”

Sam tried to talk again.

“Dad, listen. You’re okay. I promise you’re okay. You’re in the hospital. You’re safe. Do you trust me?”

Finally, Sam started to focus and realize who it was talking to him. “B…Bug?”

“Yeah. It’s me, Dad. Do you trust me?”

Sam nodded. “Yes,” he answered, barely above a whisper.

“Just let the doc look you over.”

Dr. Miller seemed delighted. “Well, Mr. Winchester, you seem to be in good shape, considering. Can you tell me what you remember? I know it’s tough to talk, so just take your time. No one’s in a hurry.”

“Sam?” Dean had come back to the room, the bag of food he’d brought back lying forgotten on the sink next to the door. “When did you wake up?”

“Just a few minutes ago.” Kayla told him.

“Okay.” Dr. Miller was concluding his exam. “I’m gonna leave you guys alone. Mr. Winchester, I’d like you to stay here for a couple days, but assuming there’s no complications, you should be good to go home the day after tomorrow.”

Sam nodded, but the motion seemed to make his head hurt.

“Thank you, Dr. Miller.” Kayla said.

“Where’s my wife and daughter?”

Kayla stopped. The moment she’d been dreading was here. No one spoke, and Dr. Miller, sensing that everyone was hesitant to say anything, started to volunteer.

“Mr. Winchester, I’m sorry…”

“Dr. Miller, could you leave us alone please?” Kayla asked, cutting him off. “I’ll take care of it.”

The doctor tried to hide his relief. He loved his job, but he hated telling family and friends that their loved ones had died. If anyone wanted to do that for him, he was happy to let them.

“Okay. Page me or Dr. Kline if you need anything.”

“Thanks. Todd, Dean, do you mind waiting outside?”

“Yeah.” Todd said. “Dean, why don’t we take these sandwiches in the hallway? Maybe get some coffee or something?”

“Sure. Kiddo, you sure you want to do this alone?”

Kayla swallowed. “I got it.”

“Will someone please just tell me what’s going on?” Sam asked.

“We’re outside, babe.” Todd said simply.

“Kay, stop beating around the bush, please. I’m too tired for this. Where are they?”

Kayla took a seat back on the edge of Sam’s bed, where she’d been siting quite a few times in the three days they’d been there. She wasn’t exactly sure whether she’d been watching him or trying to will him awake, maybe both, but now she wanted nothing more than for him to go back to sleep so she wouldn’t have to break this awful reality to him.

“What? Did you convince them to go home or something?” Sam asked.

“Dad, what do you remember?”

“I know we were in an accident. It’s a little fuzzy, but I think I remember everything.” Sam said. The memories started to come clearer, and Sam felt his heart sink a little. “Are they hurt? Like I was?”

“Dad, I’m sorry. Mom and Mary were hurt really bad.”

“Where are they? I need to see them.” Sam said right away.

“Dad…”

“Come on. Let’s go.”

“Dad, listen to me. I’ll take you to them. But they’re not in the hospital.”

Sam stopped and looked at Kayla. It dawned on him what she might be trying and failing to say, but his mind refused to accept the possibility. There had to be another explanation.

“Dad, I’m sorry. Mom and Mary died.”

“What? No, that can’t be right.”

“I’m s…”

“DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE SORRY!” Sam suddenly shouted. “Don’t be sorry because it can’t be right.”

“Sam.” Dean had come in from the hall when he heard Sam’s shout. “She’s right, Sammy. I’m sorry, but they’re gone.”

“No.”

“Sam…”

“They were fine. They were fine in the car.” Sam insisted.

“I thought you said you remembered what happened.” Kayla said.

“I do. The car crashed and…”

“And what?” Kayla asked.

“Your mom and sister. They wouldn’t wake up. I couldn’t get to them and…” Sam finally realized the reason why they wouldn’t wake up. “It happened right when we crashed, didn’t it?”

“Yeah. The doctor said they died right away.”

A long, silent moment passed where everything seemed to stop. Kayla watched her father carefully, not sure what to do now.

“I want to se them. I’m leaving.”

“Dad, you need to stay…”

“Are they here in the hospital?”

“No. They’re at the funeral home.” Kayla explained.

“I’m leaving. Let’s go.”

No matter the pleading, from Kayla or Todd or Dr. Miller, Sam signed himself out against medical advice. He said almost nothing in the Impala on the way to the funeral home, except to snap at Kayla when she tried to help him out of the car. Dean noted the hurt look on Kayla’s face, and decided to say something to Sam about it later.

“Dad, I’ll come with you…”

“No.”

“Dad, please…”

“I said no, Kayla.” Sam snapped again. “Let me be alone with them.”

“Okay.”

Sam was greeted in the front by Todd’s friend, Dusty, who ran the funeral home, and Kayla tried to stop herself from crying as the front door closed. Todd and Dean both looked at each other, and Dean walked to the car. Kayla was leaning against it, staring down at her feet.

“He’s just hurting right now.”

“I know.” Kayla whispered.

“You are too.”

Kayla said nothing, simply nodded her head.

“I know you think you have to take care of everything and everyone for all of us. But it’s okay to say you need help too.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t think of myself. If I do, I’ll lose it.”

“Trust me, kid. I’ve learned from years of experience. Don’t keep all that nasty stuff bottled up inside. It’ll eat you alive.”

“I just…I just can’t do it right now.” Kayla said. “Dad’s going through a lot worse…”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t have a right to feel bad too. They’re your mother and your sister.”

“Just…not now. Not now.”

“I’ll be right out here if you need me, Mr. Winchester.”

Sam nodded exhaling hard to try and short circuit the pain he felt pulsing through him. In all the confusion of the day, Dean had told him what happened. The new brakes on his car had been defective. They’d snapped at exactly the right moment to send the car tumbling over the bridge and hurtling towards the highway below. Sam was starting to regain the memories from the accident that had been fuzzy when he woke up. Mary telling some sort of joke in the backseat. Jess laughing. Sam trying to press the brake to slow them down because he could see a puddle of some kind ahead of them. The car not slowing down and Sam trying not to panic and scare Jess and Mary just long enough to get off the bridge. Jess realizing something was very wrong and asking Sam what it was. Sam going through the puddle and suddenly losing control of the car. His last coherent thought before hitting the highway below being that the puddle wasn’t water like he’d originally thought, but oil or something similar.

Jess was on the left side of him, Mary on the right. He turned to Mary first.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” Sam told her. “I got the car fixed because I wanted you to be safe.”

Mary had been perfectly capable of getting home herself. She wasn’t allowed her own vehicle on campus, but had taken the bus home every other weekend when she wasn’t working or studying for exams. Sam, Jess, or Kayla would pick her up at the bus stop, which was almost an equal distance away from both houses. But, as Mary had explained two weeks before the end of the semester, with Sam’s work schedule and Jess pursuing her own interests now that both kids were out of the house, it was hard sometimes to get both her parents’ attention at the same time. She’d asked Sam and Jess to come get her so they could have a couple of hours together, and she could tell them about school and what was going on in her life without being interrupted.

“I thought it would make us safer coming home. I guess I screwed that up, huh?” Sam asked bitterly. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m so sorry.”

Sam turned to Jess before he lost what little composure he had. He tried to think of what to say, but nothing came to mind. Kayla came in at some point, and Sam allowed her and Dean to make all the arrangements. Back at the car, he saw Kayla, Dean, and Todd all discussing something. Kayla smiled and hugged Todd. Sam didn’t know why, but the sight of Kayla hugging her husband and smiling ignited his fury.

“Let’s go.”

“Dad, listen. Why don’t you come home with me and Todd for a while? The kids’ll be home in a couple of hours…”

“No. I’m going home.”

“Dad, please don’t be all alone in that house…”

“I said no, Kayla.” Sam snapped for the third time that afternoon.

“Fine. I’m coming home with you, Sam.”

“Dean…”

“No. No arguments. You go home with Kayla, home with me, or I go home with you. What’ll it be?”

“Fine.”

A heartbroken Kayla stepped into the car, and on the ride back to the hospital, wondered if she’d lost her father after all.


	14. Chapter 14

The car came to a stop back at the hospital. No one had talked since leaving the funeral home. Sam agreed to have Jess and Mary cremated. He'd wanted to have them cremated that very day and the ashes spread that night, but Dean stopped it there. He agreed to pick up the ashes the next day, and the family agreed on an impromptu late afternoon service to spread the ashes. When Dean parked the car, Sam in the passenger seat with Todd and Kayla in the back. When no one said anything, Dean fought a sigh and looked back to Kayla.

"You guys go on home."

Kayla nodded and cautiously looked at Sam. "Bye, Dad. I'll see you in the morning."

Sam said nothing.

"I love you."

Again, Sam said nothing, and Dean waved Kayla and Todd out of the car. He drove Sam home, wondering how to approach this. He knew Sam was hurting, probably more than Dean could ever understand. But Kayla was too, and Sam's attitude was convincing Kayla she wasn't doing enough to help her family. That wasn't okay. Dean followed Sam inside and shut the door. Sam was heading up the stairs, presumably to sleep.

"Sam, sit down."

"Leave me alone, Dean."

"No. Please don't make me drag you, Sam. Sit down on the couch and listen to me."

Dean expected Sam to fight, but he didn't. He walked down off the stairs and took his seat on the couch. Dean sighed. He hated being stern with Sam at such a bad time, but, he decided, it was better to do this now when Sam was in shock instead of waiting until he came out of it.

"Listen. I know you're hurting right now…"

"You don't know a damn bit of what I'm going through right now." Sam said bitterly.

"That's true. I don't. But you're still gonna listen to me. I get you're hurt and you're pissed. I don't blame you. And if it helps, you can yell at me, you can yell at Todd, you can destroy everything in this house and Bobby's, hell, you can lay me out on the floor if you want. I'll get back up and let you do it again if that helps. But the one thing you will not do is snap at Kayla."

Sam softened a bit, and Dean hoped he spotted a tiny sliver of regret before Sam's expression turned stony again.

"She's been with you every minute for the last three days. She hasn't left you once, except to go to the funeral home and make sure Mary and Jess were okay. She's running herself ragged, and you will show appreciation for it."

"Well excuse me if I can't exactly appreciate anything in life right now."

"You will be nice to Kayla."

"Why should I?"

"Because _I_ will knock _you_ out if you keep it up." Dean said. "Got it?"

"Dean, I just lost my wife and my kid. Do you honestly think you can threaten me with anything that'll scare me right now?"

"Then think about that wife and kid when you want to snap at Kayla. How do you think Jess would feel about you treated Kayla today? How would Mary feel about it?"

Sam's eyes flashed hurt, then recognition, then finally regret.

Dean sighed. "Sam, I'm sorry. Maybe I should've waited to do this. But you know how Kayla is. She takes everything you say and do to heart. Just like somebody else I used to know."

Sam nodded. "It's okay. You're right. I just…damn it, Dean, I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do now."

"That's what I'm here for. I'll help you figure it out."

"I…I need you, Dean. I know Kayla means well, but..."

"But she'll have to take care of the kids too?" Dean guessed.

"Yeah." Sam admitted. "Does that make me an awful person? That I can't be around them right now?"

"No. It really doesn't, Sam." Dean assured him. "As for needing me, I'm right here. Long as you need me. Okay?"

"Okay." Sam said. "Will you call Kayla? Ask her to come back?"

"Yeah. It might be a minute though. She said the kids were on their way back. She'll probably have to stay with them for a while."

"Back? Where were they?"

Todd pulled the car up to the house, and almost simultaneously his father's car pulled up behind them. Todd watched his mother get out and pull Samantha out of her carseat, followed by his father who started to pull out Jesse.

"You okay?"

"Okay as I can be." Kayla answered.

"You know your dad's hurting. He didn't mean what he said." Todd told her.

"I know. I do. I've just…the last time I saw him that angry was when I went to that party."

"The party you told me about a long time ago? When you were thirteen?"

Kayla nodded.

"Is that what you meant when you were talking to your mom?" Todd asked. He noticed that his mother and father were carrying both sleeping kids, and rolled down the window to quickly ask his parents to take both kids inside.

"Yeah." Kayla said.

"Kay, you were a kid. You were a hurting, scared kid. You did something stupid, and you learned from it. Your dad doesn't hold it against you, does he?"

"No."

"Then why does it still bother you?" Todd asked.

"I don't know." Kayla answered. When she saw Todd's eyebrows raise, she continued, "I really don't know."

"Okay. Just try to let it go."

"Easier said than done. But I get what you're saying."

"Are you sure you're up to this?" Todd asked.

"Yes. That I know for sure. I want to see my babies."

Before Kayla headed inside, Todd's cell phone rang. "It's Dean."

"Put him on speaker."

Todd answered and pressed the speaker button. "Hey, Dean. I've got you on speaker, Kayla's here with me."

"Hey, guys. You get home okay?"

"Yeah. The kids just got home. Is everything okay?"

"We're fine. For now, anyway. Kay, your dad wants to see you."

"Really?" Kayla asked, and couldn't hide her excitement.

"Yeah. He does. You guys go on and see the kids. Kayla can come over after they're in bed."

"You sure? I could come now…"

"You haven't seen them in three days. Go take care of them and just come when they're asleep." Dean insisted.

"Okay. Is he really okay?" Kayla asked.

Dean hesitated then said, "He's as okay as I think he can be right now."

Kayla thanked Dean and she and Todd walked inside. Expecting the kids to still be asleep, Kayla was pleasantly surprised when she was bombarded just as she walked into the door. She felt the skinny little arms snake their way onto her leg before she ever saw which kid they belonged to.

"Mommy!"

"Oh, goodness, who's this?" Kayla asked. She hadn't realized how badly she'd missed her babies until she saw them. "Is it…" Kayla dramatically picked up the owner of the skinny arms around her leg. "Jesse?"

Samantha giggled so hard she shook her mother too. "No, mommy."

"Is it…daddy?"

"Mommy, it's me. Sammie!"

"Oh my gosh! Hi, Sammie! I missed you so much!"

Jesse, who was slightly slower than his older sister, toddled up to his father and lifted his arm to be carried. A few minutes of hugging and playing with the two kids later, and Samantha finally asked the question Kayla had been dreading.

"Mommy, where Nana?"

Every adult in the room immediately stopped and looked at Kayla. When Kayla didn't answer, Samantha tried again.

"Where Nana? Is she hurt?"

Kayla looked to Steve and Tara, who were still there. "Would you guys mind giving Jesse a bath and putting his PJs on while Todd and I talk to Samantha?"

Tara nodded. "Sure. Let's go, baby."

A tired Jesse didn't protest as he normally would've, just yawned as he was lifted out of his father's lap. Samantha waited patiently, and when the bathroom door shut, Kayla grabbed Todd's hand for support.

"Nana oaky?" Samantha asked, using the mispronunciation of 'okay' that she'd always used.

"No, honey. Nana's not okay."

"Where she?" Samantha asked. "Can I see her?"

"I'm sorry, honey. No. Nana wasn't just hurt. She went to heaven."

A nervous Samantha looked to her father, then back to her mother. "What's that mean?"

Kayla swallowed. "It means that Nana was hurt really badly. The doctors couldn't help her. She's not coming back, honey."

"But I wants my Nana." Samantha said simply.

"I know. I want her too." Kayla said. "But it's not just Nana, baby. Mamie was hurt like that too."

"I won't see her no more, either?"

"No, babe. I'm sorry."

Kayla had let loose a few tears over the course of the last few days. They were unavoidable. But, until then, she'd refused to let herself feel the enormity of her loss. Explaining it to Samantha was finally making her grief bubble to the surface.

"Mommy? Don't cry."

"I'm sorry, baby."

"You sad 'cause of Nana and Mamie?"

Kayla nodded. "Yes. I miss them a lot."

"I miss them wif you." Samantha said, reaching up and wiping one of the tears away that Kayla had started crying.

Kayla broke. She started sobbing, hard, and leaned into Todd for the support she'd been focusing on giving her father for the previous three days. Tara heard the crying and tried to grab Samantha to give Kayla and Todd a little privacy, but Samantha refused to go.

"No. Mommy need me."

Feeling mildly guilty for crying in front of Samantha, Kayla tried to collect herself, but the harder she tried the worse it failed. Jesse was put to bed, and Samantha fell asleep sitting in her mommy's lap after Tara's suggestion of turning the lights off and watching a movie. Having already been fed her dinner, Samantha was lightly snoring less than half an hour later. Kayla put Samantha to bed, then came back out to the living room.

"I guess I'm going to my dad's now."

"How's he doing?" Steve asked, speaking for the first time since greeting Kayla when they'd arrived.

"He's…I don't really know."

"That makes sense."

"Kay? Do you know yet about funeral arrangements for your mom and Mary?" Tara asked.

"Um, yeah. They're being cremated and we're spreading the ashes tomorrow afternoon."

"Mom, can you guys keep the kids again…" Todd started to ask.

"No. They're both going." Kayla said. "They need to say goodbye too."

"Babe, are you sure? They're awfully young…"

"I don't care. They're going." Kayla said firmly. "I'd like you guys to be there too."

"Of course we will." Steve said. "Do you want us to stay here tonight?"

"No. You guys have done enough. Thank you so much for keeping the kids so I could get my head on straight. Straight enough, anyway."

Tara placed a comforting head on Kayla's shoulder. "Don't ever thank us. That's what family's for. I mean that. You call us if you need us."

Kayla nodded. "Thanks."

"I want to tell you something. I want you to really listen to me here. Got it?"

"What?"

"I know you're hurting. So please don't take this the wrong way. No one can replace your mother. But we love you nearly as much as we do Todd. So as long as I'm alive, you will never be without a mother again."

A grateful Kayla grabbed Tara in a tight hug, then shared a hug with Steve and gave them both the details for the next day. When they were gone, Todd handed the car keys to Kayla.

"Go see your dad."

"Are you sure…?"

"Go. I've got the kids. If they wake up, I'll tell them you went to check on Papa. Go on. And if you need to stay the night, that's fine too. Just text me so I know to lock the door before I go to bed."

"You're the best. You know that?"

"And don't you forget it." Todd said, making a tired Kayla chuckle much more than she normally would have at the stupid joke. "Go on."

When Kayla arrived at her parents' house, she almost turned around. She realized that she'd be confronted with pictures of her mother and sister, as well as their belongings, and she didn't want to go in. But seeing the Impala reminded her that Sam needed her, so she gathered her courage and walked inside. Dean was in the kitchen, making what smelled like chili, and Sam was sitting on the couch clutching something in his arms.

"Hi, Dad."

"Hey." Sam said, startled. He'd been so caught up in whatever he was doing that he hadn't heard Kayla come in.

"What are you holding?"

Sam turned it around and Kayla was amazed. "Snuffle? You found him?"

Sam nodded. "Found him in your sister's room under the bed about a week ago. I put him on the bed to try and surprise her when…"

"When she got home?" Kayla asked.

"Yeah. For when she got home." Sam said sadly.

Kayla noticed for the first time how much older her father looked compared to just a few days before. He'd always looked slightly weary, but he seemed defeated now. Kayla wished she could do something, anything meaningful to take his misery away from him.

"I'm sorry about today."

"What?" Kayla asked. "Don't be. You've got nothing to be sorry for."

"Yes, I do. Your mother and your sister would've hated me for treating you like that, no matter what was going on. I'm sorry, Bug."

"It's okay, Dad. I'm sorry they're gone."

"I, um, I might need you. A lot. For a while."

Kayla nodded. "That's what I'm here for."

"I can't promise I won't act like that again." Sam said. "I just…"

"Dad. Stop. I get it."

"How did you do it?" Sam asked.

"How did I do what?"

"How did you move on? After Leslie died?" Sam asked. "I just have no idea how to do this."

Kayla swallowed against the lump in her throat. "Well, I just called you and Mom or Todd when I needed you."

"But didn't you think about him all the time?"

"I still do." Kayla answered honestly. "He would've been in kindergarten this year. Starting first grade in September. I think about all that stuff."

"Doesn't it hurt?"

_Dad, please, please stop asking_. The pain Kayla felt about Leslie had eased a bit, but still throbbed occasionally. But Sam was completely lost. "Yes. It does. But that's what I'm here for."

Sam nodded, as if he was thinking over what she'd said.

"Dad, do you want me to stay tonight?"

"Yes." Sam said without hesitation. "I know the kids just got back…"

"Stop. I'm right here. Okay?"

"Thank you."

"Dinner's up." Dean called from the kitchen.

"I'm not hungry." Sam said quietly.

"I'll tell you something else Mom wouldn't like." Kayla said, switching from her normal voice to what Sam called her mom voice. "And that's you not taking care of yourself."

"I can't."

"We'll share a bowl. Together. I'm not hungry either, but you haven't eaten a thing since you woke up, and nothing for days. Come on. I'll do it with you."

Sam relented, and followed Kayla to the table. Dinner was in silence, and Kayla realized that things would never be normal again. Trying not to despair over that, she kept her father company and wondered how long it would be until they ever felt whole again.

Or if any of them ever would.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: So, this is a mixed chapter. It's mostly sad, but there's some hope in it. It's been fifteen months since Jess and Mary's death. Sam is coping, barely, but he's fallen into a rut. He isn't able to sleep in the bedroom he shared with Jess, so Kayla comes over three times a week to make sure the house is clean, Sam is eating right, and that everything is running as smoothly as it can. Anyway, Kayla has taken on a project here. She turns a spare room in Sam and Jess's house into a new bedroom for Sam, one that he can use to sleep in so he doesn't keep sleeping on the couch. She adds a special touch to the new room that helps Sam realize that maybe, he still has a lot to live for.**

**Sam and Samantha's relationship has suffered a little too. In this chapter, Samantha tells her mother that Sam has been 'mean' to her. I don't feel like I really need to say this, but I should just to be safe. I don't mean 'mean' to say that Sam is abusive to her in any way. I just picture it as Sam not being as patient with Sammie as he would've been before-maybe a little quicker to scold her, or maybe losing his temper and snapping at her more easily. That's what happened to my mom when my stepdad died a few years ago. He and I weren't particularly close, and their marriage was not a good one, but she was under so much strain and pressure that if I so much as breathed wrong I got a long winded lecture. I know now that it was just her reacting to what she was going through, but back then, being a straight-A, never got in trouble student, it really hurt me. Things are better between us now.**

**I hope everyone who celebrates had a Merry Christmas!**

Kayla wiped her forehead. The work had been longer than she'd thought, but she was grateful Sam allowed her to do it. For the fifteen months since Jess and Mary had died, Sam had been sleeping downstairs. He'd told Kayla that he just couldn't force himself to go up there. Kayla had started visiting every day at Dean's insistence, cutting her visits down to three times a week. When she came, she would pull out work clothes for Sam, arranging them downstairs so he could just get his clothes, get ready in the bathroom, and go to work. Kayla would also cook enough meals for Sam to last until the next time Kayla came. She would check to make sure Sam had enough groceries, that the house was clean enough, and that the bills were paid on time.

Kayla also took care of Dean, whose remission didn't last very long. His cancer had spread to his liver, so he had to stop drinking, which was a battle all by itself. But Dean persevered, and Kayla carried on taking care of the two of them.

Kayla had finally convinced Sam to let her make a bedroom for him. It was still too painful for him to sleep in the room he shared with Jess. Kayla had gone in a few times when she missed her mother, and into Mary's bedroom when she missed her sister. But Sam hadn't been in either one. Knowing her mother would've hated it if the room was left to get dusty, Kayla had cleaned it, but that was it.

Her project over the past two weekends had been to set up a new bedroom for Sam. There was a bedroom that was hardly ever used in the house. Its only purpose had been as a guest room on the rare occasion that company was over that wasn't one of Kayla or Mary's friends from school. The first weekend Kayla spent simply cleaning the room from top to bottom, washing the linens on the bed, dusting the dresser and rest of the furniture, cleaning the wood floors, taking everything off the walls, and patching up the minor holes in the wall to prepare it to be painted.

The second week had been for what Dean called the 'nitty gritty' work. Kayla took everything out of the room, painted the walls, and rearranged the furniture. All the walls were painted a soft green color, except for the smaller wall directly underneath the window. Kayla had been inspired by five year old's Samantha's desire to help 'make Papa happy again'. Kayla had painted that wall white, then very carefully sat Samantha down and explained her 'job'.

"Listen to me very, very carefully, Sammie. Do you see this blue tape on the wall?"

"I see it, Mommy."

"You can paint anything you want inside that blue paint. Just leave a little room for me to put your brother's handprints on the wall after Papa and Denny bring him back. Okay?"

"Okay, Mommy."

"And listen to me one more time. This is the only time you will ever be allowed to paint on the wall. If you do it anywhere else, what happens?"

"I get in trouble and I gets a consquence."

"That's right. Okay, Mommy's going down to the kitchen to make us a little lunch. Call me if you need help."

"I will. Promise."

"Do you want turkey and mustard or peanut butter and jelly?"

"Can I has one each?"

"Wow, you're a hungry girl today." Kayla smiled.

"I worked hard, Mommy. Helping you clean and stuff. Denny says that makes you hungry."

"Well, he's absolutely right. And you have been a very big help today, my big girl. Thank you." Kayla kissed Samantha's cheek as a thank you, making the new kindergartener giggle. "And thank you for staying and helping Mommy instead of going out and having fun with Papa and Denny and Bubble. You didn't have to."

"I know. But I wanted to make Papa happy again. He never is anymore."

"He's trying, honey. It's hard."

"Cause he misses Nana so much? And Mamie?"

"That's right." Kayla explained.

"But you miss 'em too. And you're happy sometimes."

Kayla sighed, trying to form the words to explain something to Samantha she hardly understood herself. "Well, I have you and your brother and your daddy to take care of. That helps me not be so sad. Denny's here with Papa, but he's a grown up. Papa doesn't have to take care of him. I think that's what makes him so sad. Does that make sense?"

"I guess." Samantha said.

"Hey. Something else is going on with you. What is it?"

Samantha took a sudden interest in her feet. Kayla waited patiently, and eventually Samantha revealed her fear.

"You really think this'll make Papa happy again?"

"I think it'll help. Why?"

A few seconds passed before Samantha finally asked sheepishly, "Do you think he'll like me again?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, he always gets mad at me real easy. He'll get mad and then say he's sorry but he'll do it again the next time I see him."

"Has this happened a lot?"

"Yeah. Almost every time I see him."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because Papa said sorry." Samantha said. "I didn't want to tattle on him."

"I see." Kayla said. "Has he ever done anything other than yell at you and hurt your feelings?"

"No."

"Good." Kayla said, relieved. "If he ever does, I want you to tell me. Okay? And if he hurts your feelings again, I want you tell me that too. It's not tattling if it keeps happening."

"I will, Mommy."

"And as for whether Papa will like you again? Baby, I know it might not seem like it, but Papa never stopped liking you. Or loving you either for that matter. I promise, Papa loves you very, very much. He always has and he always will."

"But you love me moistest, right? You and Daddy?"

"That's right." Kayla smiled. "Can Mommy have one more kiss before I go make lunch?"

"No. You can have two."

"My goodness, we're so generous today."

Two minutes later, Kayla headed down the hall and to the kitchen to make lunch for her and Samantha. Thirty minutes later, Samantha announced her masterpiece was done, but before Kayla could see it, Sam and Dean were home with Jesse. Samantha begged her mother to let her put Jesse's handprints on the wall, and promised to put all the paint supplies in the bathroom. Once she finished, she came into the living room, bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Mommy, can I show him?"

"Honey, I think we should all do it."

"You can come too, but I want to show Papa what we did. Please?"

"Alright. Dad, are you okay with that?"

Sam smiled, which was getting easier and easier to do as the days passed. Sometimes, he even genuinely felt it. "Sure, Sammie. Show me."

"Close your eyes."

"Honey…"

"Close your eyes, Papa." Sammie said. "It's not a good surprise unless you close your eyes. Please?"

"Sam, she won't give up. She's like a certain other little girl who begged to be a lawyer for Halloween so she could surprise you. Remember?"

Sam laughed, something else that was getting a little easier with each day. "How will I see if I close my eyes?" he asked Samantha.

"I'll lead you. I won't let you bump into anything. Promise."

"Alright, sweetheart. Lead the way."

Samantha very carefully lead her grandfather down the hallway, followed by Kayla and Dean, who held an excited Jesse. When she reached the bedroom, Samantha pulled Sam just far enough inside the entrance that everyone else could see the unveiling too.

"Okay, Papa. One, two, three. Surprise!"

Sam opened his eyes and was amazed. Kayla had completely transformed the dusty old room into a colorful, cozy bedroom. There was a single picture on the nightstand of Kayla, Mary, Jess, and Sam, taken the day they'd all moved into the house years earlier. He started to say thank you to Kayla for all her hard work, before he spotted the wall painted by Samantha.

"What's this?"

"I'll show you, Papa." Samantha said. "Come see." Samantha took Sam's hand and led him over to the wall. Sam had to kneel down to see it, and Samantha very proudly explained her work. "These handprints is Bubble's."

"They're beautiful, Jesse. Thank you."

Not quite three and a half year old Jesse, who was shy when it came to compliments, simply smiled and shrank back against his mother.

"This down here" Samantha explained, pointing to some stick figures at the bottom of the wall, "is me and Jesse with Mommy and Daddy, and these here is you and Denny."

"What about up here?" Sam asked.

"Them's Nana and Mamie. Up in heaven." Samantha said proudly.

Sam, struck by the familiar ache he always felt when Jess or Mary was mentioned, found it hard to hold back tears.

"Papa? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"It's okay, Sammie. It really is, Baby." Sam said. "The picture's beautiful, honey."

"Then why you crying? I made you mad again."

"No, you didn't." Sam said. "You didn't make me mad. Actually, you made me happy."

"I did?"

"You did. See, you reminded me that I still have a lot of people that love me. That's something I forget sometimes."

"I can remind you." Samantha said.

"How about I'll make that your special job?" Sam proposed. "You be the one to remind me when you see I'm feeling sad how much everyone loves me."

"I'll do it, Papa. Promise."

Sam swallowed. "I haven't been very nice to you sometimes, huh?"

"No. But it's okay. I know you really sad."

"That's not a good enough reason. And I'm sorry for that. Really sorry. Okay? I need you to make one more promise to me."

"What is it?"

"When I'm not nice to you like I should be, you tell me. Just tell me like this. 'Papa, I don't think that was very nice.' I'll think about it, and if I agree with you, I'll apologize and do my best not to do it again. Can you do that?"

"I won't get in trouble for that? From you or Mommy?"

"No, honey." Kayla interjected. "No, you wouldn't get in trouble with me for it."

"With me either." Sam promised. "Do we have a deal?"

"Deal, Papa." Samantha said. "High five?"

"How about a hug instead?"

As Sam and Samantha were sealing the deal, Kayla came up with a suggestion. "Dad, it's almost n-a-p-t-i-m-e. Why don't you christen your new room by reading the kids a story so they'll go to s-l-e-e-p?"

"That sounds like a plan." Sam said. "Sammie, why don't you go pick out one story, and let your brother pick one out too."

"Okay! Come on, Bubble!"

When the two kids were out of the room, Sam turned to Kayla. "Thank you. I mean that. Not just for the room, but for everything."

Kayla smiled. "I'm glad you're happy."

"I'm…working on it."

"Kiddo, how about you and me go for a walk? Let your dad take care of the mini yous."

"I don't want to leave them…"

"Go." Sam insisted. "You deserve a break. I've got the kids for a while. Besides, you said it yourself it was their naptime. They'll be asleep soon."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. Go."

"Okay. Thank you." Kayla said.

Kayla and Dean's walk turned into a movie. Two hours later, when they got back to the house, there was dead silence. A concerned Kayla headed up to the newly completed bedroom and smiled at what she found.

There were more than ten children's books spread out on top of the bed. Clearly, Samantha and Jesse had begged for more and more stories. Sam was in the middle of the comforter. Samantha slept on his right side, an arm around her Papa's middle, while Jesse slept slightly away from both of them, sucking contentedly on his thumb.

"Hey, you find 'em?"

"Shh. Look." Kayla brought Dean into the room with a finger to her mouth, pointing at the bed.

Dean chuckled. "Well, if that ain't just about picture perfect."

Kayla took a picture on her phone of the three of them, then walked over to the bed and kissed everyone's cheek. "Sleep tight, everyone." On her way out the door, she stopped at her mother and sister's picture and kissed them too. "Miss you guys. Rest in peace."


	16. Chapter 16

Dean had never regretted not having children.

He'd raised Sam, and that was enough for him. He'd helped raise Kayla, and to a lesser extent, Mary. He'd watched both of them grow up, and now Kayla's children felt like his grandchildren. Sam himself had commented more than once how he had to be the 'mean grandpa', setting down rules and occasionally scolding both kids, and Dean got to be the 'fun' one. Dean knew Sam meant it as a joke, but he found it fun to be the good guy now rather than having to be the one taking care of everything and everyone.

Dean was sick. He knew it, Kayla knew it, Sam knew it. Hell, even the kids knew it. Jesse, whose fourth birthday was approaching, stuck to Dean like glue. Jesse reminded Dean of a baby Sam so much that there were days he could barely tell the two apart. Jesse could most often be found sitting in Dean's lap, curling up with a book, talking, or just sitting and 'being wif you, unca Deanie'.

Kayla and Todd had moved into a rental house owned by Todd's parents that was only a few miles away from Sam and Dean. While Sam was doing better, with Dean's declining health, Kayla wanted to be as close to them as possible. Todd's work schedule, now that his residency was over, was much more stable. He still worked overnight shifts as a pediatric ER doctor on the weekends, but he worked in an office with another pediatrician in town on alternating days during the week. So Dean's days were nearly always filled with at least Sam, Kayla and Jesse, if not Todd and first grader Samantha too.

Dean was grateful. Being surrounded by his family on a constant basis kept him distracted. His cancer had come back for a third time. The doctor had warned him that if it came back again, his time was short. Even with chemo and other treatments, he likely wouldn't live three months.

The diagnosis, of course, had devastated Dean. But not for himself. Kayla would be crushed. Her life had become about taking care of him, Sam, her husband, and kids. She poured every bit of energy into caring for him. Because of this, when Dean had been told the cancer was back again, he asked the doctor not to tell Kayla how serious his condition was. The doctor was against it, but ultimately agreed, since Dean was the patient and his condition was confidential.

It was four in the morning, and Dean was seriously considering not going to the hospital that day for his chemo. His doctor had made it clear to him that the chemo was only prolonging his life by a few weeks at this point. It was a few weeks of nausea, throwing up, no appetite, weight, and hair loss. But Dean knew that Kayla would just drag him along if he refused to go, so he drank what little of the coffee in his cup that he could stomach and headed to the bathroom.

Dean took a look at himself in the bathroom mirror. He barely recognized himself anymore. His hair was in patches, he'd lost a lot of weight, his skin was pale. Sam left for work. He got himself dressed and was sitting on the couch when Kayla arrived to take him to his nine in the morning appointment. Jesse was holding his mother's hand. Before Kayla had even gotten all the way in the door, Jesse had let go and flown onto the couch with beloved 'uncle Denny'.

"Hey, uncle Denny!"

"Hey, bud." Dean said. "What are you up to today?"

"I'm going to Daddy's work with him."

"You are?" Dean asked. "You're not going with me and Mommy?"

"I want to go shopping for his b-i-r-t-h-d-a-y while you're getting your treatment."

"Oh. Got it." Dean said. "You going to play?"

"They making stuff today." Jesse explained. There was a daycare directly adjacent to Todd's pediatrician's office.

"It's craft day, uncle Dean. They make things to bring home to their parents." Kayla elaborated.

"I be back, uncle Denny."

"Where you going?"

"Potty. Mommy, you help me?" Jesse asked.

Dean watched as Kayla headed down the hall with Jesse, and a few minutes later they were on their way. After dropping Jesse off, Kayla got back in the car and laughed.

"What's so funny?" Dean asked.

"Jesse didn't really have to go to the bathroom this morning. He just wanted to ask me if it was okay to give you all his crafts when he got home this afternoon."

"That's all that was about?" Dean asked. "Why didn't he just spell like you do?"

Kayla sighed. "Yeah. I guess that's not gonna work too much longer is it?"

"Both those kids are too smart for it. Just like their mom."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go."

Once Dean was set up at the hospital, a realization came to him. He would never see his family again. This was it. Kayla seemed to sense something too. She kept looking at the door and back to Dean.

"Hey, kid. Go on. Get Jesse's birthday together."

"Are you sure?" Kayla asked. "I can stay and we can do it together on the way home."

"Go on. I'll be fine."

Kayla still seemed doubtful, but she really did have a lot to do. She said goodbye to Dean, then left to go shopping. Dean's treatment took ninety minutes, and Dean knew she'd be back five minutes early.

"You ready, honey?"

One of the older nurses, Delia, was there. Delia was a sweet lady, always kind and compassionate, and Dean looked forward to seeing her. He smiled and answered,

"Ready as I'll ever be."

"You look really tired, honey. Why don't you close your eyes and go to sleep? I'll wake you five minutes before your niece comes back."

"That sounds like a plan. Thank you, De."

Delia had been an oncology nurse for close to forty years. She recognized the look when a patient was ready to give up. She'd been with Dean through his first two rounds of chemo. The first time, he was ready and willing to fight. The second time, Dean had been worn down, but was ready to fight again. Now, she could see it clearly. Dean was only fighting this time for his niece. Delia wondered what Kayla would do without her uncle, but she had other patients to attend to, so she got back to them instead of dwelling on it.

Seventy-five minutes later, Delia went back to Dean. She called his name to try and wake him, but he didn't stir. Delia walked up and gently grabbed Dean's wrist, intending to gently shake him awake.

She never got the chance.

Dean's hand went limp in hers when she picked it up. When she checked Dean's pulse, she frowned. There was a blessing in it, though, Delia decided. Dean had simply gone to sleep and never woken up. He hadn't died in pain, an all too common occurrence with the type of cancer he had. Delia unhooked Dean from his chemo treatment and took a deep breath. She could see through the window out into the parking lot.

Kayla was coming back from her shopping.


	17. Chapter 17

Kayla was pissed.

Dean had been dead for two weeks, and like always, Kayla had been more focused on taking care of everyone else than herself. Sam had shut down, only coming out of his house to help spread Dean’s ashes. Kayla had come by every day, trying to convince him to come out and spend time with her and the kids, but Sam refused. Every time Kayla came to see Sam, he was either in bed or sitting at the kitchen table, drinking.

It was the drinking that, until today, had bothered Kayla the most. Sam had the occasional beer, usually with Dean or, when she was younger, with John. Kayla could not ever recall seeing her father drunk, and definitely not to the point of stumbling over, as he had been twice in the last five days. Both times, Kayla had helped Sam lay down and get to bed, then spent the night.

Things had continued that way for days. Kayla received a call from Sam’s boss, Mr. Drew, asking her to come into the office. Apparently, Sam had not called him to tell him Dean had died, so his boss just thought Sam had disappeared. When Kayla explained the situation, Sam’s boss, a gruff but kind man that reminded Kayla a lot of her uncle Bobby, immediately gave Sam an extended leave of absence. The kind gesture, however, was underlined with a warning.

“If you can, I’d like you to try and get your father to consider retiring.”

“Retiring? Is something else going on I should know about?”

“Well, sort of. See, at first I chalked it up to your father being upset about your mom and sister.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your dad’s missed more days of work than he’s been here.” Mr. Drew explained. “He’s passed on all his cases to other lawyers. He comes in and consults sometimes, but I really don’t have the finances to keep him on just in that role.”

“But…he’s been leaving the house almost every day. If he’s not coming here, where’s he going?”

“I really don’t know what to tell you.” Mr. Drew said. “But it’s not been here.”

“Okay. Thank you, Mr. Drew. For everything.”

When Kayla left the office, she had been at a loss as to what to do. Todd was working an extra shift at the emergency room, trying to make up missing so much work after Dean’s death. Kayla thought about calling him, asking him what she thought he should do, when she noticed that he’d texted her while she’d been in the office.

_It’s pretty slow. I’m taking a nap before going back out tonight. I’ll call you when I get up. Love you xoxo_

Kayla sighed. Sleep was a precious commodity for Todd, so she decided not to bother him. She checked the clock and decided to call Tara, who at that point in the day should have been giving Jesse and Samantha their after school snack. Before she could dial the number, however, another number began to call Kayla. It was familiar, but wasn’t one Kayla had stored in her contacts. Normally, she didn’t answer numbers like that, simply allowing them to go to voicemail. But something told her to answer it this time.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Kayla, darling?”

The voice was one Kayla knew, but it took a moment for her to place it. “Miss Betty?”  
  


“Yes, sweetheart. I wasn’t even sure I had the right number…”

“Is everything okay?” Kayla asked. Betty was Sam’s next door neighbor.

“I’m not sure, sweetie. I wanted someone to know. Herbert’s on the phone with the fire department.”

“Is your house on fire?” Kayla asked. “Dad should be home if you want to go over there…”

“No, dear. We’re calling because we noticed smoke coming from your father’s garage.”

Kayla’s mind stilled, unable to fully process what Betty was telling her. “There’s smoke?”

“Yes. There’s smoke coming from his garage.” Sirens could now be heard in the background. “I hope it’s nothing, dear, but we don’t see your father’s car in the driveway, and we can’t get him on his phone…”

“You did the right thing, Miss Betty. Thank you. I’m on my way now.”

Kayla raced towards Sam’s. When she arrived, she found an ambulance pulling away. There was smoke pouring out of Sam’s garage, but Kayla could see no flames. Kayla parked her car and ran towards the house, but was stopped by a firefighter on the lawn.

“Ma’am you can’t go in there.”

“My father’s in there…”

“Is your father Sam Winchester?”

“Yes. Is he okay?”

“No, he’s not. We just took him to the hospital.”

“What happened?”

The firefighter swallowed. “Ma’am, you should get to the hospital.”

“Where’s my father? Is he alive at least? Can you tell me that?”

“He’s alive.” The firefighter said. He took a deep sigh and broke the news. “Ma’am, when we got here, we found your father in the garage with his car running.”

“You mean…he tried to kill himself?”

“That’s how it looks. Yes.”

That had been twenty-four hours earlier, and Kayla sat at Sam’s bedside, waiting on him to wake up again. She’d planned to have a discussion with Todd, but was shocked when he mentioned the plan first. She’d arranged for the kids to stay with Tara, and mentioned to her and Steve what was about to happen. Sam had woken up for a while and was examined by a doctor, who had one recommendation for Kayla.

“Be gentle with him for a while. If you’re not, it could push him further over the edge.”

_Screw it_, Kayla said. She was at the end of her rope. She loved her father, and she always had. But this had crossed a line. And she planned to let him know it. Kayla discussed Sam’s treatment with his doctor, and convinced the doctor to allow her to follow her plan. Late that night, Sam was finally awake, staring out the window, and Kayla finally confronted.

“You want to tell me what the hell you were thinking?”

Sam turned and stared at Kayla, surprised at the question but still barely registering what had happened. “What?”

“I said, do you want to tell me what the hell you were thinking?”

“No.” Sam said simply, turning back around to stare at out the window.

Kayla felt her angry rising steadily. She stood up from her chair and walked to the window, roughly pulling down the blinds and standing in front of Sam, trying to give him no choice but to look at her. “Too bad. Answer the question.”

“I can’t do this right now.”

“You think I can?” Kayla asked, livid and trying to keep her voice down. “Do you think I could handle getting a call from your boss saying that you haven’t been going to work? Or getting a call from Miss Betty saying your garage was on fire and you were nowhere in sight? Do you think I could handle that?”

“Kayla, please…”

“No. I’m not leaving until you answer the question. Tell me what you were thinking.”

“I was thinking I’m exhausted, okay?” Sam spat at her. “I’m tired of this.”

Kayla snapped. Never in her life had she ben so angry with her father. She saw nothing but red, and she lit into Sam in a way that Sam would never forget.

“And what exactly are you tired of, Dad? Because you haven’t had to do one damn thing for yourself in two years now.”

A shocked Sam was finally looking at Kayla. “Kay…”   
  


Kayla barreled over any explanation Sam was about to give. “I cook for you, I clean for you, I make sure your bills are paid, I’ve been taking care of Dean for three years. All that while taking care of my own kids and husband. So guess what, Dad? I’m tired too.”

“I know…”

“No, you don’t know. But I’m gonna tell you now. The doctors are keeping you overnight. When you leave, you have two choices. You can be admitted to the psych department here, under a suicide watch, and when you get out, move in with me and Todd. Or, the option I would take if I were you, you move in with me and Todd tomorrow. Because no matter what you say, I will not lose anyone else. So get some sleep, Dad. And you better damn well be here when I get back tomorrow.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going home to check on my kids. Because they’ve gotten the short end of the stick lately. So think about what you want to do, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

Without giving him a chance to respond, Kayla walked out. She went to talk to Todd, asking him to check on Sam every couple of hours if he could, then headed to her car. Her phone beeped with a text from Tara.

_Could you call? Samantha’s begging for her mommy. Has been for about an hour now. _

Kayla immediately felt guilty. She’d been relying on Tara a lot during the last couple of weeks. While she knew that Tara didn’t mind, she wondered how the kids felt about it. Apparently, she now had an answer.

_I’ll do better than that. I’ll be there in ten minutes._

Kayla headed towards Tara’s, and got there in just under the ten minute mark. She found Tara holding a distraught Samantha, who had woken up from a nightmare. Kayla held her as she went back to sleep, and wondered how their lives were about to change.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I’m back! So, in this chapter, Sam’s been living with Kayla for two months, and he’s just getting back into the swing of living his life. Kayla comes down with a bad cold, so Sam has to take care of the kids. **

**That’s not the central focus of this chapter, though. Sam decides to retire from his job, and when he sits down to write an email to his boss telling him about the decision, he stumbles on something Kayla has written. I feel I need to explain something here for readers who may not know. What Sam discovers is Kayla’s answer to a question asked on a site called Quora. Quora is a real site, one that I visit almost as much as this one. It’s a question and answer site, and it covers literally any topic. Anyway, the question Kayla answers is _what is the worst thing your parents have done to you?_ Kayla answers the question by rehashing her version of events surrounding what happened with Art. Sam reads it and starts to feel guilty about everything again. **

“Papa, wake up.”

Sam heard Samantha calling him, but decided to play with Samantha a little more.

“Papa, come on. Wake up.”

“I don’t wanna wake up.”

“Come on, Papa, we’re hungry.”

Sam sighed and opened his eyes to find two expectant sets of eyes staring at him. He yawned and stretched a bit before sitting up. “Where’s your mom?”

“Mommy’s sick.” Samantha said. “She said to come get you.”

“She’s sick?”

“Yeah. She coughing and sneezing and said her head hurts a lot.”  
  


“Okay, you two. Meet me in the kitchen. I’m going to check on Mommy.”

Jesse and Samantha immediately turned and ran to the kitchen. Sam got up and walked to Kayla’s room, but not before checking the calendar. It had been two months exactly since Sam had moved in with Kayla. The first few days had been rough. Sam had a rougher time than he thought he would adjusting to having children in the house again. Kayla asked him to do a few simple chores, but overall she still took care of him, Todd, Samantha, and Jesse.

Sam still felt guilty about his suicide attempt. He knew Kayla wasn’t angry with him anymore, but it still bothered him when he thought about what Kayla’s life would’ve been if he’d been successful. When he’d thought about all the two of them had lost, it made him feel selfish to think he’d tried to do it to her again. Her words at the hospital haunted him every day.

_I cook for you, I clean for you, I make sure your bills are paid, I’ve been taking care of Dean for three years. All that while taking care of my own kids and husband. I’m tired too._

Kayla had spent her entire adult life taking care of everyone else. Even before Jess had died, Kayla was constantly checking in on her family. She’d made dinner for Sam, Jess, and Mary more than once, come by to help her mother cook and clean, and helped keep the house organized. Over the past eight weeks, thinking about how much Kayla did for him had started triggering dreams of Jess. Every dream ended the same. He’d be walking down the road with Jess and Mary, Kayla ahead of them by a few steps, and suddenly Jess and Mary would stop. Sam would walk ahead a few steps, not aware that Jess and Mary had stopped behind him. When he would realize it, he’d turn around and the two of them would be floating away. Jess’s voice could be heard saying _take care of our baby girl _just as Sam woke up begging her to come back.

Sam made it to Kayla’s door just in time to hear her coughing again. He stood there for a moment, until Kayla tried getting up.

“And just what do you think you’re doing?”

After coughing again, Kayla answered with a hoarse voice, “I’m getting up in a second.”

“You’re not doing anything of the kind.” Sam said. “Lay back down.”

“The kids…”

“You’re sick. I’ve got the kids. You heard me. Lay back down.”

Kayla sighed. She hated it, but didn’t have much of a choice. “You sure?”

“Yes. I’ll fix the kid’s breakfast, then if you’re still awake, I’ll bring you some soup.”

“Thank you, Dad.”

“Lay down.” Sam said again, walking over and pulling Kayla’s blanket on top of her.

“Aren’t I a little old to be tucked in?”

“No. You’re still my kid.” Sam said. “If you can live with that.”

Kayla smiled. “I like that.”

“Sleep.” Sam commanded gently. He kissed Kayla’s forehead and walked out to Jesse and Samantha. “Alright, kiddos. What do we want for breakfast?”

Three days later, Kayla was almost recovered from her cold. Sam gave her one more day in bed, then told her that assuming she was better, she could get up. Sam found his old fatherly role to fit like a glove, and decided then and there to never take it off again.

At the end of the third day, Sam had made another big decision. He sat down at the laptop that Kayla and Todd shared and began to compose an email to his boss. He’d decided to formally retire. He knew the email wouldn’t be enough, that he’d have to go to the office and fill out the paperwork, but the email was the first step. It would solidify the decision in his mind, making it nearly impossible for him to back down. But before he could open the email, he saw the internet browser was already open, with a tab to a website called Quora. Sam vaguely remembered Kayla telling him about it, and how she visited it as often as possible. It was a question and answer site, and when Sam saw the question, along with the answer Kayla had left, his heart started to sink.

_What is the worst way your parents have hurt you?_

_I want to preface this by saying that I love my parents more than life itself. I’m going anonymous with this because I don’t ever want my father, who currently lives with us, to read it. The story’s a little long, so strap in for the ride. _

_A month or so after my thirteenth birthday, I went into mega bratty teen mode. I started snapping at my parents, yelling at them, and just generally hurting them in any way possible. Hurting them wasn’t the goal, but I was hurting myself and I had to offload that somewhere. I was also smoking and drinking on the regular. _

_I think my dad suspected at least part of this, but he never asked me directly. There was a vicious cycle happening during those few months. Something would happen to trigger me, I’d snap at my parents, we’d be in an argument, and they’d forgive me. _

_The problem was this. Every time they’d forgive me, I’d figure they were only doing it because they were my parents and felt like they had to, not because I actually deserved it. So I’d start to hate myself, and that’s when I’d drink and smoke again. _

_Things came to a climax after school let out for the summer. I had failed the eighth grade, due mostly to skipping more than forty days of school. I thought my dad was going to blow a gasket, but he didn’t. He put me on a semi lockdown. I wasn’t grounded, but every move I made was watched like a hawk. My dad came in with me to my first day of summer school (which is horrifying to a teenager) and told all my teachers he wanted a note home about my behavior every single day. He scrutinized every detail of those notes. If they said anything other than I was a perfect angel, he demanded to know why. _

_All in all, for lying to my parents every day for nearly a year, it was a sweet deal. Which makes what I did next even stupider. _

_My best friend at the time, Tayler, was an awful influence on me. She’s the one I would typically skip school with. She invited me to a party at her house while her parents were out of town. My dad, of course, said no, but I went anyway. _

_That night is a bit hazy for me. The second I was at the party, I started drinking. I was there for maybe half an hour when the music stopped. When I looked up, there was my dad. _

_My father, on most days, is an incredibly loving, gentle man. He was quick to pick up my sister and me and snuggle or hug us. But you wouldn’t picture a snuggly teddy bear to look at him. My dad is six foot five. At the time, I was a puny five feet tall. The look on his face when he found me immediately had me shaking. He broke up the party, dragged me home, lectured me, and punished me. _

_The next day was Sunday. When I woke up, Dad was gone and my mom was pissed at me. Mom and Dad both told me they needed a “time out” for a couple of days. They were exhausted. It hurt they were both shutting me out, but I tried to give them the space they needed. _

_On Thursday, mom and dad came to my room and told me they wanted a truce. They said if I was good in school the next day, we’d go out for dinner at my favorite restaurant. I was so excited! I vowed to myself I would change permanently from that point forward. I’d never give my parents a hard time again, and even if I felt like the most scummy person ever, I would make them be proud of me again. I felt better than I had in months. The next day, I dressed up for the ‘date’ I had with my parents. I washed and curled my hair, wore my prettiest dress and shoes, and felt like a million bucks. _

_Until we got to dinner, and my parents told me what was really going on. _

_They were sending me away from home to live with relatives. All my breath went out of me. Mom and Dad kept telling me it wasn’t a punishment, but it sure felt like one. On the outside, I was **pissed**. I tried to make them feel as bad as possible. _

_What I didn’t know was this. My parents had been discussing sending me away all week. It was a big part of the reason for their needed ‘time out’. Dad had come up with the idea, but Mom was against it. They fought over it for most of that week. Mom even threated to separate from my dad because of it. Neither of them wanted to do it. My dad kept up a stern face about the whole thing, but my mom told me he cried himself to sleep that night and every night after it for a month. He would go into my room for up to an hour at a time and just sit on my bed, missing me. _

_My mom shared with me that what changed her mind was a dream she had. Apparently, in the dream, she found me in my room with slit wrists. My mom was terrified that her dream would eventually come true if they chose to keep me at home. _

_What my parents didn’t know, and this is the bedrock of the entire situation, was that I had been molested, by my dad’s best friend, any and every time he could get me alone for a minute or two. _

_My parents eventually found out, and they were great. They got me the help I needed. They apologized, over and over, for sending me away. Though he’s never confirmed it, I’m pretty sure my dad had my molestor killed. _

_But, for a few weeks after we were all a family again, something nagged at me. What if my parents had never found out? Would they really have left me living with my relatives? Did they understand the depths to which they’d hurt me? Did they care? _

_To my molester, I was nothing but a toy to be used and thrown away. _

_But to my parents, who supposedly loved me unconditionally, I had become bad enough that I didn’t deserve a home with them anymore. If my mom and dad didn’t want me, what good was I?_

_I eventually worked through all this in therapy. But it taught me something important. It taught me that sometimes when parents hurt us, they’re hurting too. So give your parents a chance. Reach out and talk to them and tell them how you’re feeling. Hopefully, they’ll listen. But if not, get some help from a trusted adult. Things can always get better if you work hard enough at it. _

“Dad, what are you doing?”

Sam jumped. “Kay.”

“What are you reading?”

Out of nowhere, Sam was flooded with a memory of one of the worst fights he and Kayla had ever had. _Are you reading my journal?_ Trying to avoid it, Sam scrambled to close the lid on the laptop. “Nothing.”

“You’re awfully jumpy for nothing.” Kayla said. She reached over and opened the laptop cover again. Her face fell when she saw it. “Oh.”

“I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop…”

“Relax, Dad. I’m not mad.”

“You’re not?”

“No. I’m not. I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” Kayla said.

“I never really thought about how that whole thing looked from your perspective.” Sam said sadly.

It was, partially, a lie. Sam had seen bits of pieces of Kayla’s answer through her eyes. But reading the entire thing, start to finish, had brought back yet another painful memory in the life the two of them shared.

“Hey.” Kayla grabbed Sam’s chin and pulled it up. “Don’t go on a pity party about this.”

“What?” Sam asked with a light chuckle. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, don’t go feeling sorry for yourself. Or for me.” Kayla said. “You weren’t a perfect dad, but you’re as close to it as I could ever ask for. I like the way my life turned out, and if you had made different choices back then, it might not have turned out this way. So promise me you won’t dwell on this.”

Sam smiled. “Okay. I won’t.”

“Good. Now I’m going to make some dinner.”

“I’ve got it.”

“No. You don’t. Send that email to Mr. Drew.” Kayla said. “Go.”

“How’d you know that’s what I was doing?”

“Because Mommy knows everything. Now do it.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Sam said. “Hey, bug?”

“Yeah, Dad.”

“I love you to the stars and back.”

Kayla smiled and wrapped both arms around Sam’s neck. Their lives were returning to a semblance of normal, and Kayla couldn’t have been happier. “I love you too, Dad.”


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hey, my peeps! Sorry, I know it's been a looong time since I had an update. Here's why. Today is Tuesday. Ten days ago, I had the stomach flu. Just the basic stomach flu, nothing to be concerned about. I was throwing up and felt bad, but was back to work the next day and completely over it in three days. Anyway, last Friday, three days after getting over the stomach flu, I contracted food poisoning. So, basically, another two days of throwing up, feeling weak, and a fever to deal with.**

**It's not been fun. For every time I wasn't laying down or sleeping, I just didn't have the energy to write. This chapter here is the product of ten days. Usually, a chapter from start to finish takes a maximum of three days. But I'm back now, and hopefully will stay healthy this time.**

**In this chapter, Kayla decides that she wants to go back to school, but she and Todd don't really have the finances for it. Sam sees an opportunity to pay Kayla back for all the time she's spent taking care of him.**

**The story takes a more hopeful turn in this chapter. I am not, however, promising that everything will be perfect from this point forward. They will still have ups and downs, just like every other family on the planet. Enjoy!**

Sam plated the last of the pancakes, wondering where everyone was. He made breakfast for the entire house every morning, and by the time he finished, everyone was usually in the kitchen. Just as he flipped off the burner, Kayla walked in, dressed in her only business clothes and nicest shoes.

"Look at you!"

Kayla smiled and blushed. "Thanks, Dad."

"What are you up to today?"

Kayla seemed a little hesitant, but decided to tell him the truth. "Todd and I have an appointment at the university."

"An appointment? What kind of appointment?"

Kayla sighed. "Maybe I shouldn't go."

"Go to what?"

"Todd and I have been talking. About me going back to school."

Sam paused getting out plates for breakfast. "Really?"

"Yeah. I was in the dual enrollment program at University of South Dakota. I'm only five credits away from finishing my master's."

"Really?" Sam asked. "That's great!"

"Yeah. We're gonna go talk to the dean today and see what I've got to do to get enrolled."

"That's fantastic."

"Yeah. I hope so." Kayla said. "I'm really nervous, though."

"Nervous about what?"

"Just…going back to school after all this time. I've been so focused on taking care of the kids, how am I gonna go back to being a student?"

"You'll figure it out." Sam said. "I have faith in you."

"Thanks, Dad. Can you take the kids to school for me, please?"

"Sure I will. Good luck today."

"Thanks."

"You ready, babe?" Todd asked, coming into the kitchen. "Your appointment's in an hour."

"Yeah. Dad, we got the kids up. They're getting dressed now. They should be down in just a few minutes. If they're not, just threaten to send them to school in their PJs and they'll be here in a flash."

"I got it. You go see the school."

"Okay. We'll be back."

Three hours later, Kayla and Todd were walking back inside the house. Sam was finishing the breakfast dishes, drying them and putting them away. He immediately picked it up. Something was wrong. Kayla was quiet, and Sam could swear she'd been crying. Kayla went straight for the couch, Todd following close behind. Sam walked in from the kitchen and stood next to them. Todd had a comforting arm around Kayla's shoulder, and Sam arrived just in time to hear Todd say,

"I'm sorry, babe."

"How'd it go?" Sam asked.

Kayla looked up and sniffled, faking a smile. "We, um, decided against it."

"Why?" Sam asked. He knew better than to think that they'd actually 'decided' against it. Something was in the way. "What happened?"

When Kayla didn't answer, Todd explained, "It's just not in our budget, Sam. There's not any scholarships Kayla really qualifies for. They'll let us make monthly payments, but even that's way out of our league."

"What do you need?" Sam asked.

"Dad, I can't ask you to do that…"

"You didn't ask. I offered." Sam replied. "Tell me what you need."

"The total cost to finish all five classes would be around ten thousand plus books. And we'd have to hire someone to watch the kids while she's in class and working on schoolwork."

It took Sam all of five seconds to make his decision. "I've got it."

Kayla was sure she'd heard wrong. "What?"

"I've got it." Sam said. "Just tell me what you need when you need it."

"Dad. How?"

"Your mom and I had some savings for an emergency. That and my retirement for the next couple of months should give you what you need."

"Dad, I don't want to take your money you had with mom…"

"This is exactly the kind of thing your mother would've wanted us to use it for." Sam insisted. "She would've been very proud of you for doing this."

Kayla smiled. "Really?"

"Yes." Sam answered. He swallowed against a lump in his throat. He rarely talked about Jess, but it was getting easier with each passing day. "She would've loved this idea, and she would've made you the same offer I'm about to."

"What's that?"

"Don't worry about hiring someone to take care of the kids."

Kayla and Todd shared a look. "Dad…"

"I was going to tell you guys that I was going to start paying rent. But, if it works with you two, I'll show you how to access the money so you can pay for school and your books, and I'll take care of the kids while you're in class and working. Sound fair?"

"Dad, you don't have to do that…" Kayla said, a smile forming on her face.

"I know I don't have to. I want to."

Kayla jumped up from her position on the couch and wrapped both her arms around Sam's neck. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, Dad!"

Sam chuckled, not fully able to understand the way he was feeling at the moment. He was sad because he missed Jess desperately. But that feeling never left him. It plagued him constantly. He missed Mary with the same intensity, but in a different way. Though Jess had still been young when she died, she had lived her life, while Mary's was just beginning when it was ripped away from her.

Then, Sam spotted something. In the corner of the room, where the two kids were sometimes sent for time outs, stood Jess and Mary. They were only there for a brief second, so short a time that Sam couldn't be positive he'd really seen them at all. But Mary was giving him an enthusiastic thumbs up, and Jess had an approving grin on her face. She took Mary's hand and turned, and they were gone.

Sam figured out what the mysterious feeling was. He was needed again. He was taking care of his family again, all of it that was left.

"Thank you." Sam said.

Kayla pulled away from him, wiping her eyes of the tears of gratitude she'd been crying just moments before. "Why are you thanking me?"

"For everything you've done. For all of us. You've held us, and especially me, together the last few years. All of us would've fallen apart without you. You deserve this, kiddo. And we'll figure it all out together. Okay?"

"Okay, Dad." Kayla said. "I guess I should go call the dean."

Kayla was formally accepted into the college, and after registering for courses, buying her schoolbooks, and working out a tight schedule with Sam and Todd, the time had finally come to talk to Samantha and Jesse. Both children had seen how excited their mother was now, and both had asked about what was going on. Kayla turned it into a game for them, allowing them to guess and telling them that the one with the closest guess would get a special prize. Samantha and Jesse guessed everything that came to their minds, from a family trip to Disney World, to getting a new pet, to having a new baby. Kayla took a deep breath and finally told them the news.

"Mommy's decided to go back to school."

Both children were surprised, but Samantha was the first to speak. "School? But you finished school."

"Not quite. It's a long story that I'll tell you someday, but Mommy didn't quite finish as much college as she wanted to. Papa's gonna help me go back and finish."

"But why are you going back?" Jesse asked.

"Well, it's just something I've always wanted to do. I couldn't really do it before, because I was too busy taking of uncle Dean and Papa and you guys and Daddy."

"We're why you want to go back to school?" Jesse asked. "You don't want to be here with us anymore?"

"No!" Kayla said, reaching out and pulling Jesse up into her lap. "No, that is not it at all. I love being your Mommy more than anything in the whole world. But I want to do this too. Okay? Does that make sense?"

"It does, Mommy." Samantha said.

"But I need help from you guys too."

"What kind of help?" Jesse asked.

"Well, I'm not going to be home all the time like I am now. With going to school and the homework I'll be doing, Daddy and I'll both be gone a lot of the time."

"Who's gonna take care of us?"

"Mostly, it'll be Papa. He's going to get you guys up for school in the morning, make you breakfast, and take you to school. I _should_ be home by the time you guys get back from school, but there will probably be nights I won't be home until dinnertime, and they may even be days you two don't see me at all. I need you two, especially on those days I may not be home, to be really, really good for Papa. Can you do that?"

"You'll still do your Mommy stuff, right?" Samantha asked, worried. "Like tuck us in and play with us and tell us you love us?"

"Every single chance that I possibly can, I will do that. You have my word. And Daddy will be home some nights without me, too. I know you guys love it when he stays with you."

Both kids looked at each other and grinned.

"My point is this. Things are changing some for us, guys. And I need both of you to be big kids about it. You're six and seven. I need you to help me do this. Can you do it?"

"We'll do it, Mommy."

"Jess? You with me?"

"I'm with you." Jesse responded.

"Okay. It's almost time for bed. Go brush your teeth."

"You'll tuck us in, right?"

"I'll be right there." Kayla promised.

Three days later, Kayla was standing outside the door of her first class. She was early, drastically early, but had wanted to make a good first impression. She walked in and sat in the front row, and the class slowly filled with students. They were all years younger than Kayla, but she made up her mind to not be intimidated by them. Finally, the professor walked in and up to the blackboard.

"Hello, class. I'm Professor Mills. Welcome, and let's get started with Psychology 101. I know this is cheesy, but I'd like to start with introductions. How about you, Ms…"

"Whitaker." Kayla said confidently. "Kayla Whitaker."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Howdy, strangers! I have not forgotten about Kayla. I promise. It’s been insane here lately. School started, and my workload is more intense than I was anticipating. We’ve also had a death in the family this week. It wasn’t a close relative, but one that my mother was close to, so I’ve been with her a lot this week. Please bare with me as I adjust. Though chapters aren’t coming as fast as I used to put them out, I swear I am planning to finish this story. In this chapter here, Samantha is having trouble adjusting to her mother being gone so often. She gives Sam a little bit of trouble, but more out of frustration because she wants to see her mother than real misbehavior. The end of the chapter’s a little sad, but overall the message of it is that despite going through such a terrible loss, Sam’s moving on with his life through helping Kayla with hers. **

**Here’s some of the chapters I’m planning after this one:**

**-Kayla graduates and becomes a counselor/social worker, but Samantha does not appreciate that it takes up even more of her mother’s time. **

**-Jesse deals with a bully at school, and asks his Papa Sam for some advice. **

**-Todd’s family has an emergency of their own. **

**-Kayla thinks she may be pregnant again. **

**-Samantha starts to rebel against her Papa Sam’s rules. **

**-An encounter Samantha has at her high school hits a little too close to home for Kayla. **

**That’s not it, but that’s the bulk of what’s left. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy and I hope you’re still enjoying. My enthusiasm for this story hasn’t gone away, it’s just waned a little bit with everything going on right now. Stick with me and I promise it’ll continue!**

Thirty days had passed since Kayla started school, and she was adapting much better than she ever thought she would. She’d decided to only take one class at a time, even though it would take her longer to finish. It gave her just enough time away from home that she enjoyed it, without feeling like she wasn’t spending enough time with Samantha and Jesse.

The problem came from Samantha. She tried, as hard as she knew how, to be okay with her Mommy being gone so much. She did her homework, did her chores, tried really hard to get along with her little brother. But she missed Kayla. Kayla always asked her when she got home from school how her day went, and Samantha missed that a lot more than she thought she would. She tried to talk to Kayla when Kayla got home, but was usually sent to bed before getting any real time with her mom.

“Sammie, go get your pajamas on. It’s almost time for bed.” Sam said.

“I wanna wait for Mommy.”

Sam withheld a deep sigh. He’d told Kayla before she’d had children that she would have a child just like her. _Maybe I should’ve made sure I wouldn’t be living with that kid too,_ Sam thought wryly. “Sammie, get your PJs on. You’ve still got half an hour before you have to go to sleep. If Mommy’s home, you can see her then.”

“But she’s been gone since yesterday!” Samantha whined, and saw her grandfather get frustrated. “I just want my mommy!”

Sam reached down into his memories of a younger Kayla, of her wanting her Mommy and grandmother and, occasionally, her daddy. Getting frustrated with her never achieved anything other than making Kayla frustrated and setting everyone onto an ugly loop. Sam wasn’t able to kneel down anymore the way that he might have with a younger Kayla, so he sat on the couch and invited her to sit with him.

“I know you miss your mom. You know, she went through something like this, too.”

“She did? When?”

“When she first started kindergarten. She didn’t want to be away from your Nana all the time.”

“How’d she get through it?”

“Your Nana sat her down and told her that being away from Mommy and Daddy sometimes is a part of growing up.” Sam explained. “That no matter what, Mommy would always come back.”

Samantha looked to be processing Sam’s words. She hadn’t doubted her mommy would come back. She just wanted to know _when_. Kayla putting her to bed and talking with her every night helped her sleep. She almost never had bad dreams when Kayla put her to bed, because she fell asleep feeling safe and like someone really loved her.

“Honey, I know it’s hard.” Sam said. “But…”

Before Sam could finish, the front door opened. “Am I interrupting something?”

“MOMMY!”

Before Kayla could put anything in her hands down, Samantha was wrapped around her mother’s leg. Kayla set her books down on the couch and pulled Samantha into a hug.

“Hey, you. I’m sorry I didn’t make it back home before bedtime.”

“It’s okay. You’re here now. Can we read a book before I go to sleep?”

“Yes. I will be right there. But I need you to get into your PJs first, okay?”

“Can you help me?” Samantha asked.

Kayla sighed. “Honey, you can dress yourself. Please be a big girl for Mommy right now and go change into your PJs.”

“Mommy, please. I haven’t seen you all night last night and all day today. Please…”

“Okay. Okay, baby. Go on to your room, I’ll be right there.”

“You’ll help me change? And read to me?”

“I will do both. I promise. Just let me talk to Papa for a minute. Okay?”

“Okay, Mommy.”

Samantha ran back towards her room, and Kayla turned towards a clearly frustrated Sam. “How long has she been like that?”

“A couple of weeks now.”

“Seriously? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“She’s not really misbehaving. She just wants you.”

Kayla frowned. “Maybe this is a bad idea.”

“Don’t even think about it.” Sam warned.

“Think about what?”

“Not going to school.” Sam said. “You deserve this. Just go talk to Samantha and reassure her.”

“It’s creepy how you do that, you know.” Kayla said.

“How I do what?”

“Know what I’m thinking before I do.”

Sam grinned. “That’s my job.”

“Where’s Jesse and Todd?”

“Jesse’s already asleep. Todd got called to the ER.”

“Okay. Let me go handle this.”

Twenty minutes later, Samantha was lying down on her bed, listening to Kayla tell her for the second time about Clifford the big red dog. When Kayla closed the book, she turned back to Samantha.

“Time for sleep, baby girl.”

“One more time. Please.”

“No, baby. It’s time for sleep.” Kayla said.

“Will you stay till I go to sleep?”

Kayla sighed. She wanted badly to go to bed. But she had missed Samantha as much as Samantha missed her. “Sure, honey. But you have to go to sleep.”

“Can I ask you some questions?”

“Mommy, please. I haven’t talked to you in days.”

“Okay. What’s your question?”

“Why did you want to go back to school?” Samantha asked.

“Well,” Kayla said, shifting in the bed a little, “I’m studying social work and psychology. Do you know what that means?”

“No.”

“Well, when I’m done with school, I’m going to be able to help kids who need it.”

“Help them how?”

“Help them with things that might be bothering them at home.” Kayla answered, trying to keep what she wanted to do at an age-appropriate level for Samantha.

“Isn’t that what mommies and daddies are for?”

“Well, some kids don’t have very good mommies and daddies. I want to be there for them so they can maybe see what it’s like to have a good one. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah. It does. You a good mommy, you gonna be good at that.”

Kayla smiled. “Thank you, honey. I needed to hear that today.”

“You’re still gonna be our mommy, though, right?” Samantha asked.

“Yes, baby.”

“I miss you a lot, Mommy.” Samantha said.

“I know, baby.” Kayla said, reaching over to put Samantha’s hair behind her ears. “I’m sorry. I know it’s hard when Mommy’s away so much.”

“If I ask you for something, you promise not to get mad?”

“I won’t get mad. Ask me.”

“Can we have dinner together sometimes? Just you and me?”

Kayla was intrigued by the question. “Why?”

“I just want to talk to you or play with you sometimes. Without your school stuff or Papa or Daddy or Jesse around.” Samantha explained. “Without you, I’m the only girl here. Papa and Daddy and Jesse will play dollies with me or have a tea party with me, but they’re not as good at it as you.”

“I get it, honey. I promise you, once a week at least, you and me will have an hour to ourselves. Okay?”

Samantha smiled. “Okay, Mommy.”

“You ready to go to sleep now?”

“I got one more question.” Samantha said, holding one finger in the air to emphasize her point.

Kayla chuckled. “Okay. One more. Make it a good one.”

“Will you promise to always say good night to me? Even if you have to call to do it?” Samantha asked. “I sleep better when you do it.”

“I promise that too, baby.” Kayla said. “I’m sorry about last night. Mommy lost track of time. But if I won’t be home by bedtime, I’ll set an alarm so I don’t forget.”

“Deal.” Samantha said with a yawn. “Night, Mommy.”

“You still want me to stay until you fall asleep?”

“Please.”

“You want me to sing to you?”

Kayla left the room after Samantha was asleep. She stopped in and checked on Jesse, then found Sam in the living room. Sam was looking through a scrapbook, and had his eyes on one particular picture. As Kayla sat down beside him, she saw the picture he was looking at and smiled. It was of Kayla, Mary, and her mother, on Mary’s first day of first grade. Sam was behind the camera. Jess was kneeling down, having just tied Mary’s shoe, and had been ganged up on by both girls. Mary had jumped on her mother’s back, and Kayla was wrapped around her mother’s waist. Jess was laughing, and in both Sam and Kayla’s head, Jess’s laugh rang out.

“What are you looking at?”

Sam looked up and smiled. Kayla was saddened every time Sam smiled since Jess and Mary’s death. He never seemed completely happy anymore. Kayla had long accepted that she couldn’t completely restore Sam’s joy, but it didn’t stop her from trying.

“Do you remember this?”

“Yep.” Kayla said. “Mom had said we were getting too big to gang up on her like that. Mary and I wanted to prove her wrong.”

“That was a few months after your mom and I moved back here with you.”

“I remember.” Kayla said. “Do you ever regret moving back?”

“Never. Not once.” Sam said. He took a hand and touched Jess’s face, then looked to Kayla. “You remind me a lot of your mom.”

“Really? How so?”

“The way you take care of everyone. Everyone else comes before you. There’s days I look at you and think you’re her for a second…”

“Oh, Dad…”

Sam had choked at the memory of Jess. It had happened a few times right after Sam moved in with Kayla, but it hadn’t happened in a few weeks. It occurred to Kayla that it might have happened and she didn’t know it, but right now, that didn’t matter.

“I’m sorry.” Sam said when he’d calmed down.

“Don’t be sorry.” Kayla said. “I miss them both too.”

“There’s days I still think she’s coming home.”

“Me too. I still think Mary’ll call and ask me a ‘question’.”

Sam laughed. After Kayla had moved out of the house, Mary would tell her parents that she had to call Kayla with a single ‘question’. Even though Mary had only been ten years old when Kayla went to college, those questions often turned into hours long conversations that went well into the night. More than once, Sam had found Mary sleeping, with Kayla still on the phone talking.

“I almost forgot about those.”

Kayla laughed and took Sam’s hand. “I like that you can talk about them now.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Me too. It still hurts, but I can think about them and not think it’s gonna kill me.”

“Good.” Kayla said. “Hey, Dad?”

“Yep?”

“I’m starving. What’s for dinner?”

Sam smiled. “Pizza?”

“Pizza.” Kayla said. “Want to watch a movie?”

“Yeah. How about this one?” Sam pulled out a small box kept under the coffee table and produced a DVD labeled ‘Mary’s first year’.

“Sounds good, Dad. You put it on and I’ll go order.”

Thirty minutes later, as they were chewing some cheese and pepperoni, Sam and Kayla relieved some of their favorite memories. Mary coming home from the hospital. Kayla playing with a three month old Mary on a mat in the living room. Jess feeding Mary while Kayla sat beside them and rubbed Mary’s head. Sam holding a six month old Mary on one knee and eight year old Kayla in the other, bouncing them both.

When the video ended, with Mary’s first birthday party, Sam looked down at Kayla. She had been quiet for a few minutes, and he found her fast asleep, leaning on his shoulder. The menu on the DVD was a still picture of baby Mary and Jess. For a moment, no matter how artificial it was, Sam basked in having his three girls all back together. Rather than waking Kayla, he stood up gently, laid her down on the couch, and wrapped her up. She wasn’t a fully mature adult as Sam kissed her forehead-she was five years old again, and had fallen asleep after begging to stay up “just a few minutes longer, Daddy, pleeeasse”, complete with folded praying hands and a giggling Jess in the background when he found himself completely helpless to say no. Sam finally tore himself away from Kayla and turned to Jess and Mary, still staring at him through the television, forever out of his grasp, the missing half of his heart.

“Goodnight, my girls.”


	21. Chapter 21

“But you promised!”

Kayla picked up her briefcase and sighed deeply. “Sammie, baby, I’m sorry. I can’t be here tonight…”

“You haven’t been home in six days. Tomorrow makes a week. When are you gonna be here?”

Sam tried to intervene, knowing that Kayla had to get out the door. “Sammie, come on, honey. Tell your mom bye and go get ready for school.”

“Dad, give us a minute. Please.”

Sam frowned, but followed Kayla’s wishes. He left the room, heading upstairs to check on eight-year-old Jesse. He was getting worried about Kayla’s relationship with Samantha. Kayla felt guilty for leaving so often, and as a result, was too permissive with Samantha. She would let Samantha stay up longer on the rare nights that Kayla was able to be home by dinnertime, so that Samantha could spend time with her. Samantha’s performance at school suffered a little from it, but no matter how hard he tried, Sam couldn’t convince Kayla to be firmer with Samantha about bedtime.

When Sam went up the stairs to check on Jesse, Kayla took a seat at the table. She had been intending to leave the house a little early to get herself some breakfast and a quiet cup of coffee, but that was gone now. Kayla pulled ten-year-old Samantha to her, which immediately calmed Samantha down.

“Sammie, baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t be here right now. It’s a part of my new job. I have to work nights and be on call most days. I promise it won’t last forever.”

“I haven’t had more than a few minutes with you in two weeks. Mommy, please. Please come home tonight.”

“I can try. I can try to be here for a few minutes, honey, but I can’t promise. I don’t know what’s gonna happen…”

“Forget it.” Samantha said, pulling away and starting to head upstairs.

“Sammie, stop, honey. Come back here.”

Samantha turned back around, but didn’t go to her mother. She was angry, hurt, frustrated, and lonely without her mother home. Kayla recognized all of it, and got an idea.

“Please come here.”

“You’re just gonna tell me you can’t be here.”

“No. I’m not. I won’t say that again. But I don’t want you to go to school with bad feelings like this. Just talk to me, Sammie, please.”

“I just want you to be here. It feels like you’re never ever here anymore.” Samantha said. “And when you are here, you’re always on the phone.”

“Daddy’s gone a lot, too.” Kayla pointed out.

“But I go to work with Daddy sometimes.” Samantha said. “Daddy at least has dinner with us sometimes. There’s days he comes to school and has lunch with me and Jesse.”

“Do you want me to do that?”

“Do what? Have lunch with me?”

“I’d have an easier time doing that right now than I would being home for dinner right now.” Kayla said. “I can’t promise that, and I know I can’t do it today, but I will try.”

“Will you come to parents’ day?”

“When is it?”

“It’s in two weeks.” Samantha said. “Mine and Jesse’s are the same day. Daddy said he’d come, but he’d have to split it up and be with me some and Jesse some.”

“So you want me to go with you and Daddy with Jesse?”

“Yeah.” Samantha said. “Will you?”

“I will ask for the day off today. I can’t promise that I can, but I can promise I’ll ask.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“And listen. My time having to be on call all the time is almost over. I _will _be home more often soon. Just be patient with me, please.”

Samantha smiled. “I’ll try.”

Kayla laughed. “I love you, Sammie.”

“Love you too.”

“Give me a hug, please. Then get your butt upstairs and get ready for school.”

“Okay, Mommy.”

As Samantha headed upstairs, Kayla heard Jesse and Sam in the living room. She walked in and found Jesse waiting patiently, backpack in front of him, fully dressed and ready to go.

“Okay, Jess, Mommy’s leaving.”

“Bye, Mommy.”

“Kay? Wait up for a second, I want to talk to you.”

Kayla sighed internally, knowing what Sam was about to say, but choosing to stay anyway to avoid an argument. She stepped out on the porch and waited, Sam following close behind.

“Look, I know what you’re gonna say…”

“Honey, I need your help. If you keep letting Sammie put off going to school in the morning…”

A frustrated Kayla finally snapped. “What do you want me to do?”

“Kay…”

“No, Dad, seriously, what do you want me to do? Just leave when she’s upset with me? Just leave when she’s begging me to spend time with her?”

“It might help her calm down.”

“It won’t.” Kayla said. “Trust me. It won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“Because it never worked with me.”

“What does that mean?” Sam asked.

Kayla pinched her nose, deciding whether or not to say anything. “Dad, do you remember when you first became a partner at your firm? I was about six or so?”

“Of course I do.”

“And you sat me down and had that big talk with me? About how you’d be working more and wouldn’t be around as much?”

“Yes.” Sam said.

“Did Mom ever tell you that I cried for that first straight week?”

Sam’s mouth fell. “What?”

“You were working all the time, I would get frustrated because you weren’t home. That whole first month, you kept telling me every morning that you’d spend time with me when you could, and then you’d leave. I never felt better until you sat down and you apologized for being gone so much, and promised that you’d do a better job being there for me.”

“I didn’t know all that.”

“I asked Mom not to tell you. I didn’t want you to feel bad for having to work all the time.” Kayla explained. “Did it work?”

Sam chuckled humorlessly. “No.”

“I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to get her moving…”

“It’s okay.” Sam said, and suddenly, for him, it was. “I get it.”

“Am I doing the right thing?”

“Do you think you’re doing the right thing?”

Kayla scowled. “What kind of answer is that?”

“The kind where you’re an adult, and I’m not gonna tell you what to do. Now get to work.”

“Bye, Dad.”

Kayla was able to get the parents day off. Samantha was excited, and stopped begging Kayla to stay home. The night before, just as Sam was preparing to send Samantha to bed, Samantha approached Kayla.

“You’re coming tomorrow, right?”

“I promised you I was, didn’t I?”

“You won’t forget? You’ll be there? All day?”

“You’re going to school at eight, I’ll be there at nine.” Kayla assured Samantha. “But only if you go to bed.”

“I’ll go. Goodnight, Mommy. Night, Papa. Night, Daddy.”

Kayla walked up the steps, gifts in her hand for Samantha, praying it would actually be that easy. She hadn’t made it to Samantha’s Parent Day. Just as she’d been leaving the house, her boss had called. One of the other social workers was sick, and no one else had been able to come in. With a heavy heart, she’d gotten dressed, called Todd, and gone to work.

When the front door opened, Kayla had a split second of watching a happy Samantha. Todd and Sam were sitting on the couch with her, watching Samantha’s favorite movie. Jesse sat next to his father, piece of pizza in his hand, much less interested in the movie but watching it anyway.

“Hi, guys.”

Everyone turned at the sound of Kayla’s voice, but Samantha was the first one to react. Before anyone said anything, Samantha jumped off the couch, ran to her room, and slammed the door. Kayla sighed.

“How mad is she?”

“She swears she’s never talking to you again.” Todd said.

‘She was real upset, Mommy.” Jesse said. “Daddy brought her home early because she was crying.”

“I guess these won’t help, then.” Kayla put the bag of gifts onto the couch, then pulled her own bag off her shoulder and sat down.

“What’s this?” Sam asked, looking at the bag. “Honey, you can’t bribe her every time something like this doesn’t work out.”

“I know.” Kayla said. “I know, I do.”

“But you thought this would smooth it over?”

“Yeah.”

Sam smiled. “I get it. I tried it with you a couple times.”

“You did?”

“Of course I did. Where do you think your Playstation came from?”

Kayla laughed. Sam had come home one random day when she was seven years old with a brand new Playstation. She’d been upset with him for forgetting to come to her school for career day, and had refused to talk to him for a day.

“I guess history really does repeat itself, huh?”

“I guess so.”

“Can I have it if you’re not giving it to Sammie?” Jesse asked.

“If you want it, sure.” Kayla said. “Come check it out.”

A curious Jesse walked over, looked into the bag, and scrunched his nose. “Eww. This is all girly stuff.”

The adults laughed, Kayla kissed Jesse’s cheek, and she finally decided to face the music. “I guess I’ll go check on Sammie.”

Kayla walked to Samantha’s door and started to knock, but was stopped by the sound of crying coming from inside. Kayla nearly changed her mind, but knocked softly.

“Sammie, it’s me, honey.”

“Go away!”

“Come on, sweetie. Talk to me, please.”

Kayla was shocked when the door burst open and Samantha stood there, angry tears still streaming down her face. Kayla had been about to knock on the door again, and Samantha had yanked open the door so fast that Kayla’s fist was still in the air.

“You told me you’d be there! You promised! You promised _three_ times!”   
  


“I know, baby. I know. I’m sorry.”

“I told everyone my mom was coming. That she had the coolest job ever and that she was gonna tell us all about it. You made me look stupid in front of my whole class!”

“Honey, I’m sorry. I had to go to work…”

“You _always_ have to go to work.”

“I know, baby.” Kayla said. “I’m…”

“You’re sorry. I know. Doesn’t change anything. I still believed you. I needed you, Mom.” Samantha said. “I needed you. Just for one day.”

Kayla’s mouth was working, but for the first time in a long time, she didn’t know what to say. Before she could think of anything, her cell phone rang. Checking the caller ID, she internally groaned.

“It’s work, isn’t it? Go. Your _job_ needs you and _they’re_ important.”

“Sammie…”

“Kay.” Kayla turned around and found Sam waiting there. “Go on. I’ve got this.”

“Okay.” Kayla said. “Sammie? There’s some stuff on the couch for you. I’ll be back later tonight. I love you.”

Samantha didn’t answer, and Kayla turned to leave. She said a quick goodbye to Sam, Todd, and Jesse, then went to her car. Before pulling out of the driveway, Kayla spotted a picture she kept on her dashboard. It was a picture of Todd, holding a newborn Jesse on one knee and Samantha in the other. Staring at it, Kayla whispered,

“I’m sorry, baby.”


	22. Chapter 22

When the front door shut, Samantha was still standing in her bedroom door crying. Sam acted on instinct. It had been a long time since he comforted a little girl, but it came back to him naturally.

“Come here, sweetie.”

In the corner of Samantha’s room, there was a rocking chair. It had been used in Kayla’s room from infancy until age eight, when Mary was born. He’d rocked both Kayla and Mary to sleep in it, talked both of them through things that scared them, and nursed endless colds and earaches and boo boos there. As Samantha crawled up into Sam’s lap, a memory came to Sam that made him want to smile and cry at the same time.

_Twenty-Seven Years Earlier_

_“Kayla!” Sam had appeared in the door to find Kayla at the crib. “Don’t be mean to your sister!”_

_“She’s being mean to me! I’m trying to sleep!” Kayla said grumpily._

_“We all are.” Sam said as he walked in to pick up Mary. “But you can’t get mad at her. She needs our help right now.”_

_“Help with what?”_

_“Why don’t you help me find out?” Sam suggested._

_Kayla watched as Sam picked up the still screaming Mary and cuddled her, changed her, rocked her, and fed her. Mary quieted down a lot, but she was still fussing in Sam’s arms. Sam took her to the rocking chair that he had once used to rock Kayla to sleep. Just as he was about to fall asleep in the chair himself, Sam noticed Kayla standing at staring at them._

_“There’s room up here for you too, you know.”_

_“No.” Kayla said quietly._

_“Please, Kay? Just come sit up here with me?” Sam said. “I miss you.”_

_“You do?”_

_“Sure, I do.” Sam said. “Come on.”_

_“Okay.”_

_Kayla carefully climbed up into Sam’s lap. It felt awkward at first, but soon enough she was nestled in his arm opposite Mary. They sat in the dark near silence for a few minutes, before Kayla shocked Sam by breaking the silence._

_“She’s cute.”_

_“What?” Sam asked._

_“Mary. She’s cute.”_

_“She is cute.” Sam said. “Would you like to hold her?”_

_“No.” Kayla said._

_Sam sighed. “Honey, why do you still blame Mary?”_

_“Because we almost lost Mommy.” Kayla said._

_“But we didn’t, honey.” Sam said. “Mommy’s here, and she’s safe now.”_

_“I don’t care. Mary almost took Mommy from us.”_

_Sam shifted a little in the seat. “Honey, will you please hold Mary for me? My arm’s getting tired.”_

_“Why don’t you put her back in the crib?”_

_“Because she’ll start crying again.” Sam said. “Will you please hold her? It’d help me out a lot.”_

_“Okay, Daddy.”_

_“Thank you.” Sam said. “Here, sit up a little so I can give her to you.”_

_“I won’t hurt her?”_

_“No. You won’t. I promise.” Sam said. “Here you go.”_

_When Mary landed in Kayla’s arms, she instantly calmed. Her fussing stopped, and she stared at Kayla with big, brown eyes. Sam shook his head in disbelief. Mary had been crying for weeks straight. Figures, he thought. But Sam held his breath when he saw that a smile was beginning on Kayla’s lips as she watched her baby sister._

_“Hey, Mary. I’m Kayla.”_

_Mary cooed and continued to focus on the sound of Kayla’s voice.  
  
“I’m sorry I was mean to you.” Kayla said. “I was really scared when Mommy got sick. I know you didn’t do it, but I was scared it might happen again.”_

_Mary made another noise, one Kayla couldn’t quite decipher._

_“Daddy, did I make her mad?”_

_“No, honey. Keep talking.” Sam said. “She likes you.”_

_“She likes me?” Kayla said with a smile. She looked back down to Mary, eyes sparkling. “You like me?”_

_Mary made another sound that sounded suspiciously like a laugh. Sam knew it wasn’t a laugh, because Mary was too young for it. But Kayla’s eyes lit up with an excitement that Sam had never before seen in her._

_“Look, Daddy, I made her laugh!”_

_“You did, baby. Good job.” Sam said._

_“Can I sing to her? To put her back to sleep?”_

_“Go for it.”_

_Kayla turned back to Mary and mimicked her mommy and daddy. All the nights they’d sung to her when she was sick, or sad, or hurting, or just needing attention came back through Kayla. “Rest my little darling, you’ve had a busy day. The sun is a falling, and it’s time for me to say. Hush, hush, little mermaid goodnight. Hush hush little mermaid sleep tight.”_

_Sam had grateful tears in his eyes as he listened to Kayla. A noise took his attention away, but it was only Jess standing in the doorway. She had heard Kayla singing on the baby monitor and couldn’t resist not getting up. Sam looked up and locked eyes with Jess, the meaning clear to both of them. We’re a family now._

_“Daddy.”_

_Kayla was tapping Sam on the knee, breaking his look on Jess and making him jump slightly. “What, baby?”_

_“She’s asleep.” Kayla whispered._

_“Wow, I guess she is.” Sam said._

_“Kay.” Jess whispered from the door._

_“Mommy!”_

_“Shhh.” Jess said, quickly placing her finger in front of her mouth. “Don’t wake her up again.”_

_“Oops. Sorry.”_

_“It’s okay. Here, let me get Mary back to bed.” Jess carefully picked up Mary and placed her back in the crib._

_Kayla, her arms now free, hugged Sam. “I’m a big sister now.”_

_“You are a very good big sister.” Sam said. “I’m very proud of you.”_

_“So am I.” Jess said. “And I have an idea.”_

_“What?” Kayla asked.  
  
“How about you go back to your room and pick out a book for me and daddy to read to you?”_

_“Really?”_

_“Really.” Jess said. “But just one. It’s the middle of the night and you need to go back to sleep.”_

_“Can I sleep with you guys?”_

_“Sure. Go on.” Jess said, and Kayla ran off to her room. Jess smiled, relieved that the animosity Kayla had for her sister was over. _

“It’s not fair.”

Sam was snapped out of his daydream by Sammie, who had finally calmed down. “What, honey?”

“It’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair?”

“I just want my mom.” Sammie explained.

“I know you do, baby. I know you do.” Sam said. “And your mom wants to be here with you too.”

“But she’s always leaving.”

“She really can’t help that, Sammie.” Sam said. “When your mom gets a call at home, it means there’s a kid in trouble that needs your mom’s help.”

“I get that!” Samantha said, exasperated. “But she’s my mom. I should get her sometimes.”

“That’s true. And I get that. It’s not wrong for you to feel angry or upset that your mom let you down.”

“It’s not?” Samantha asked.

“No, it’s not. But you have to think about this from your mom’s point of view, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, do you think your mom loves you?”

“I know she does.” Samantha said.

“How do you know?”

A puzzled Samantha sat up and looked at Sam. “What do you mean?”

“What kind of stuff does she do with you to show you she loves you?”

Samantha gave the question a bit of thought before answering. “She asks me how my day at school was.”

“Yep. What else?”

“She hugs and kisses me a lot.”

“That’s good. What else?”

“She listens when I tell her I don’t want a hug.”

Sam’s heart panged a little as he thought of the reason Kayla was so considerate when others didn’t want a hug. “That’s a good one.”

“She puts notes in my lunch.”

Sam chuckled. He packed lunches for both kids almost every day, and had never known Kayla did that. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah. She puts a note in my lunch every day.”

“What does she say?”

“That she loves me. Have a good day. Sometimes she puts little pieces of candy or something in it.”

“That sounds cool.” Sam said. “Can you think of anything else?”

“She plays with me when she can.” Samantha said. “Even when she’s tired.”

“That she does.” Sam said.

Samantha sighed. “I know she loves me. But it still feels bad when she’s not here because of work.”

“Sweetie, let me tell you something. My daddy used to work a lot too. He was away from home for days at a time.”

“He was? Didn’t that make you feel bad like this?”

“Sometimes it did, yeah. And a lot of the time, I felt like he didn’t care.”

“So you really do get it.” Samantha said.

“I do. But see, I learned something when I grew up that I wish I’d known when I was your age.”

“What?”

“Even though your grandpa John…”

“Was that your daddy?” Samantha asked.

“Yes. It was. Anyway, even though he worked a lot, and it was hard for him to say it to me, he really cared about me. He wanted to be there with me, he just couldn’t do it all the time. And I just wish I’d enjoyed him when he actually was there a little more. It made those times a lot more special.”

“So, you’re saying I should cut Mom a break?”

“It’s completely up to you. It really is. Just remember that for every minute you’re mad at her while she’s here, that’s one less minute you get to spend with her.”

Kayla parked the car in front of the police station, tired and frustrated. Samantha was still on her mind. The hurt, the pain, the longing Kayla saw when Samantha talked about just wanting to spend time with her mother. Kayla had thought long and hard about whether or not she should continue in her job. She found it rewarding helping abused, neglected, and disadvantaged children. She had only been doing it for a little over three months, but she’d finally found her true calling.

There was one problem.

Was her own self-fulfillment worth risking Sammie’s trust in her? Was it worth not spending even close to enough time with her son or husband? Was it fair to expect her father to pick up the slack for her so she could be happy?

Kayla decided to mull over the problem later. Right now, one of those kids she was responsible for was in trouble. Kayla opened the car door and walked inside, pulling out her badge and showing it to the front desk officer.

“Hey there. I’m Kayla Whitaker from DCF. I got a page…”

“He’s right there.” the officer, a short, balding man in his seventies, said shortly, without looking up from the paperwork he was working on.

Kayla glanced over at the chairs and groaned. “Jackson?”

“I didn’t do nothing…”

“You didn’t do _anything_.” Kayla corrected, annoyed. “Officer, what did he do?”

The officer finally looked up, and, noticing Kayla’s annoyance, tried to hide a smirk. “He was caught spraying graffiti on the side of Anderson’s supermarket.”

“Is he under arrest?”  


“The owner agreed not to if the boys agreed to come and clean the side of the building and help him clean the store from top to bottom after closing Saturday.”

“He’ll do it.” Kayla said. “Can I take him home?”

“Please do.”

Kayla walked over and grabbed Jackson’s arm. “Let’s go.”

“Let me go.”

“Get your butt in the car. Now.”

“You supposed to be nice to me.”

“I am so not in the mood right now. I’ll say it one more time. Get in the car. Now.” Jackson stood up, and Kayla grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. “Thank the officer and apologize to him.”

“Apologize to him?”

“Yes. Do it, or I’ll convince the owner of the supermarket to change his mind and press charges.”

Jackson rolled his eyes, but did as Kayla told him. “Thank you, officer, and I’m sorry for the trouble.”

The officer at the desk laughed. “That your boy?”

“In a way.” Kayla said, angry edge to her voice.

“Well, you seem to be doing a good job with him. Keep it up.”

Jackson stomped out to the car, arms folded and what seemed to Kayla to be a permanent scowl on his face. He yanked open Kayla’s car door and slammed it shut. Kayla fought back a curse, put on the most professional face she could, and walked out to the car. Once she was inside, she went to start the car, but decided to hash it out right then and there.

“You want to tell me what you were thinking?”

“Nope.”

“Too bad. Tell me. Now.”

“I just wanted to have a little fun.”

“Vandalizing a building is fun for you?” Kayla asked. “I told you, Jackson, one more time of getting in trouble, and…”

“I know. I’ll have to go back to the group home.” Jackson said. “Ain’t like nobody cares about me anyway.”

Something deep inside of Kayla snapped. She only had a few kids she was helping take care of regularly, but she loved each and every one of them, including Jackson.

“You selfish little inconsiderate jerk!”

A startled Jackson jumped and glared at Kayla. “What?”

“Nobody _cares_ about you. Are you kidding me? Do you know what I went through to come and pick you up from school today? Then staying with you after you begged me to? My daughter’s been crying for me for weeks, begging me to spend time with her. I swore to her I’d go to her school with her today, but instead I’m at _yours _trying to convince your principal not to expel you.”

“At least she has a family she can be with.”

Kayla’s frustration deflated out of her. “What’s going on, Jackson?”

“Nothin’. Just take me back to the Edwards’.”

“Jackson? What’s going on?” Kayla prodded. She saw him trying to fight back tears. “Talk to me.”

“It’s my mom’s birthday.”

“What?”

“My mom’s birthday. We always spent it together, even when I was in foster care. This is the first year…”

“The first year she wasn’t here to do it.” Kayla guessed. Jess’s first birthday after her death had been hard for Kayla as well. “So you wanted someone to celebrate it with you?”

Jackson nodded. “Yeah.”

“Let me get this straight. You got suspended from school, then graffitied the side of a building, just to get me to spend time with you today?”

Jackson shrugged.

“Answer me, Jackson.”

“Yeah. I did.”

Kayla sighed. Jackson’s case file had been the first one she read on her first day of training for the job. He had been in and out of foster care his entire life. His mother had been a drug addict when he was born, and had gone through long stretches of sobriety, sometimes lasting as eighteen months to two years. But, inevitably, she would fall back into old patterns and relapse, meaning Jackson would end up back in foster care. She’d become sober again, take Jackson back, and he’d end up in foster care again. The cycle had repeated itself six times in Jackson’s thirteen years of life, until three months earlier, when his mother had died of a drug overdose.

“Jackson, if you need to talk to me, you can always call me. No need to get into trouble, okay?”

“Yeah, alright.”

“Do you really hear me on that?”

  
“I hear you.”

“Was that all that was bothering you?”

“Yeah.”

“Bullcrap. Tell me what else is on your mind.”

Jackson turned around in the seat and faced Kayla. “I’ll never have a family.”

“What? Of course you will.”

“I ain’t stupid. I’m thirteen. The longer I stay in foster care…” 

“I don’t care about that. I’m telling you, you _will_ have a permanent family one day.”

“How do you know?”

Kayla wondered if she would regret this, or how Todd or Sam or Samantha and Jessie would feel about it, but it felt right to her. “You’re thirteen. Give me eighteen months.”

“Eighteen months?”

“Yep. Your fifteenth birthday. If no one’s adopted you by then, I’ll do it.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes. I do.” Kayla said. “But you have to stay out of major trouble until then.”

“What you mean by major trouble?”

“No visits to the police station, and try to keep the visits to the principal’s office to a minimum.”

“That’s it?” Jackson asked. “That’s all?”

“That’s all.” Kayla said. “That, and you have to give your foster family a real chance.”

Jackson finally smiled. “Okay. You got it.”

“Alright. Does that mean I can drive you home now?”

“Could we go see my mom first?” Jackson asked. “You know, at the place where we spread her ashes?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we can do that, buddy.”

It was after dark when Kayla finally made it home. Jesse was outside in the yard, playing with Sammie, while Todd and Sam sat on the porch. When Kayla pulled in, Jesse ran to meet her, but Samantha was still standoffish from her mother. Sam ushered Jesse inside, and Todd followed.  
  


“Hey.” Kayla said nervously.

“Hi, Mom.”

“I’m so sorry about today, baby.” Kayla said, kneeling down to face Samantha at eye level. “I really am.”

“I know. Papa and me talked about it after you left.”

“Oh, yeah? What’d you talk about?”

“Well, I know you really love me, and you’re gonna have to work really hard at your job for awhile.”

“I do love you. And yes, I will have to work hard at my job for awhile. But that’s no excuse for not letting you know I wasn’t coming today. I shouldn’t have promised you and then left you wondering where I was like that.”

“Did you leave because someone needed you?”

“Yes.” Kayla answered. “I promise I wouldn’t have gone if it wasn’t important.”

“I had an idea. Papa helped me come up with it.”

“What’s your idea?”

“Be right back.” Samantha went into the house and came back out holding a journal she’d gotten for her birthday two weeks earlier.

“Your journal?”

“Yeah. If I have something I really need to tell you, but you’re working and we can’t talk, I write it in here and leave it on your pillow for you to read when you get home.”

“That’s a great idea!”

“I’ll only do it if you promise me you’ll talk to me about it. That day or the next day, no later.”

“I swear, I will read this and I will find you up to talk about what’s in it.” Kayla said, reaching up and pushing some of Samantha’s hair out of her face. “Or I will wake you up early the next day.”

“Mom? Is there a way to know for sure if you can be somewhere on a certain day?”

Kayla grimaced. She wanted to say yes, but another day like this one was bound to happen if she did. “No, honey, I don’t think so.”

“Okay.”

“But until I can promise, how about when you want me to do something, I can promise I’ll try? Do you understand the difference?”

“I do.”

“Sweetheart, you know that no matter where I am, you and your brother are the most important people in the whole wide world to me. No matter what, nothing means more to me than you two do.”

“It’s hard to feel that way sometimes.” Samantha answered honestly. “When you didn’t even call today, I thought you didn’t care.”

“I know. I know, baby. And I swear I’m so sorry about that. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

“It’s okay. I do.” Samantha said.

“Thank you, baby.” Kayla said. She looked at the clock. Two hours before Samantha’s bedtime. “Hey. Have you guys had dinner yet?”

“Daddy and Papa made pancakes and eggs and bacon and stuff.”

“Why don’t we see if your brother wants to go out for ice cream?” Kayla suggested. “Just the three of us. Then, if I’m home tomorrow, it’ll be just you and me.”

“Deal.” Samantha said. “Jesse, come on!”

When both kids were seated in the car, Kayla looked up and saw her father standing in the doorway. She smiled at him, and Sam gave her a thumbs up. Kayla got in the car, Sam’s message loud and clear. _You’re doing good, kid. _

Maybe, Kayla thought, she actually was.


	23. Chapter 23

Fifteen minutes earlier, Kayla had been riding high.

She had just left Jackson's final adoption hearing. He'd been adopted by the Novak family, Jimmy and Amelia, and all parties seemed thrilled by the arrangement. Jimmy and Amelia had a younger daughter named Claire, who was five years younger than Jackson, with whom Jackson had formed a tight bond.

It was definitely a high for Kayla's career, who had become known at social services as 'the adoption whisperer'. She'd been placed in charge of a total of fifteen kids in the three years she'd been there. Three of them had been reunited with their families. Two of them were in the process of being adopted by their foster families. One had been admitted to college early, with Kayla acting as his guardian. Jackson's adoption had just gone through, and seven of Kayla's eight other charges all had been completely adopted out of foster care.

Kayla was rocking her career of choice.

But all that had to take a back seat. Thirteen-year-old Sammie's principal had just called her to school. Sammie was suspended. Apparently, she had punched someone and bloodied his nose. Kayla was shocked. It just didn't fit Sammie's demeanor to hurt someone. On a normal day, Sam would've been the one the school called. But Sam was out of town, chaperoning an overnight field trip with Jessie's class.

Kayla was known on the campus, so when she arrived, she went straight back to the principal's office. Sammie was there, and a woman Kayla assumed was the mother of the boy Sammie had punched. There was a distressed looking boy sitting next to the mother, holding an ice pack to his nose. The principal, a hardnosed older woman of which Kayla wasn't a fan, gave Kayla a fake smile.

"Mrs. Whitaker. Nice of you to finally join us."

"It's good to see you, Mrs. Lively." Kayla said, putting on her best polite voice. "I apologize. I was helping a child who didn't have parents get parents. But next time I'll be sure to put that aside."

Mrs. Lively threw a glare to Kayla, but chose to ignore the dig. "I trust my secretary told you what happened?"

"She told me a version of it." Kayla answered, slowly losing her patient façade. "May I speak to my daughter, please? Sammie, what happened, baby?"

"I'll tell you what happened. Your daughter beat up our son!" the mother of the boy exclaimed.

"I understand that. What I want to know from my daughter is why."

"Mrs. Whitaker, there's not an acceptable reason to punch another student. Samantha will be suspended for one week."

"Again, Mrs. Lively, I would like to speak to my daughter. I'm asking you to please give her a chance to speak, and I would appreciate the common courtesy of allowing her to do it without being interrupted. Is that okay with you?"

Mrs. Lively's glare deepened. "There's no need to be short with me, Mrs. Whitaker."

"I completely agree. And if I was being short with you, Mrs. Lively, I assure you you'd know it." Kayla said. "Now, Sammie, what happened?"

Samantha waited a moment before speaking. She knew that her mother knew her principal, but didn't know the extent to which they didn't care for each other. When no one had spoken for ten seconds, Samantha finally told her story.

"Kevin's been walking behind me and grabbing me every day."

"Grabbing you how?" Kayla asked. "Doing what exactly?"

"The last few days, he was grabbing the bottom of my shirt and pulling it. Today he grabbed my bra strap and snapped it."

"He what?" Kayla asked. She turned around to Kevin, who shrank back against his mother. "Is that true?"

"Don't yell at my son!"

"Maybe if you had yelled at him a little more, we wouldn't be in this situation!" Kayla said. "Sammie, did you ask him to stop before you hit him?"

"Yes. Every single day. And twice today. I _asked_ him, and then I _told _him, and he still didn't stop."

"Mrs. Whitaker, whatever Samantha's reason, she still assaulted another student." Mrs. Lively said. "This situation is very serious."

"I agree. I see why you called me now. You want to know if I want to press charges."

A shocked silence fell over the entire room, before Kevin's mother spoke from the other side of the room. "Excuse me? She assaulted him!"

"In self-defense. After he assaulted her first. Several times, I might add."

Mrs. Lively's brisk demeanor started to crumble. "Mrs. Whitaker, there's no reason to escalate this so much…"

"I say there is." Kayla said. "Sammie, I'll leave the choice to you. What do you want to do?"

"I just want him to leave me alone. Don't touch me."

"That seems to be amore than reasonable request. What I want to know is why something wasn't done to stop this from happening."

"We weren't aware…" Mrs. Lively tried to say.

This time she was interrupted by Samantha. "That's not true! I told Mr. Beckett."

"Mr. Beckett, the assistant principal? What did he do about it?"

"Nothing. He told me to ignore it."

"Excuse me?" Kayla raged. She again turned her wrath to Mrs. Lively. "Do you train your assistant principals to ignore sexual harassment?"

"They're kids!" Kevin's mother protested.

"Which doesn't make it okay." Kayla seethed. It would occur to her later she didn't know Kevin's last name, but she didn't care. "Mrs. Lively, I want to know right now what Kevin's consequence will be."

"He is the victim…"

"As is my daughter. Now I'll give _you _three options. One, Sammie's suspension is revoked and she's able to come back to school on Monday. Two, Kevin is suspended for at least as long as Sammie is. Three, I go to your boss's office and make a stink about this."

"There's no need for the superintendent to be involved."

"Given that he's my best friend's husband, and Sammie's godfather, I'll be sure to ask him that when they come to dinner tomorrow night."

Mrs. Lively was defeated, and she knew it. Her lips pressed in a thin line as she picked up Samantha's suspension paperwork and ripped it up.

"Wise choice, Mrs. Lively." Kayla said. She turned to Kevin and stood six inches in front of his face, speaking in a low toned voice that made it clear she was not messing around with him. "Do not ever put your hands on my daughter again. If you do, I will not hesitate to press charges against you. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Yes, what?" Kayla asked.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Glad we understand each other." Kayla said. "Sammie, grab your backpack. Let's go."

Something had started inside of Kayla, and she raced out to the car ahead of Samantha. She broke down crying at the steering wheel, and by the time she composed herself, Samantha was staring at her.

"Mom?"

"Give me a second." Kayla said. She took a few deep breaths, then turned to Samantha. "Sorry."

"You okay?" Samantha asked. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't you dare be sorry." Kayla said. She sniffed and smiled at Samantha, further confusing Samantha on whether her mother was upset or not. "I'm so proud of you."

"You're proud of me? And that's making you cry like that?"

"No." Kayla swallowed hard again. Kevin's face had appeared in her head, and it morphed into one Kayla hadn't seen or talked about in years. "Do you remember when Daddy and I had the talk about sex with you?"

"Yeah."

"And how it's important to wait until you're old enough to make the decision to have it responsibly?"

"I remember, Mom. You're scaring me. Why are you so upset?"

"Because when I was your age, your papa had a friend. His name was Art. And he used to do stuff to me like Kevin did to you."

"What?"

Kayla nodded. "Yeah. Except he hurt me a lot worse."

"Did Papa know he was hurting you?"

"Not while it was happening. He didn't find out until a long time later." Kayla explained. "But my point is this. I'm so stinking proud of you because you stood up to Kevin today. I never had the courage to do that."

"You're really proud of me?"

"Yes. So proud, kiddo." Kayla said.

Samantha smiled. "Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome. Now your dad's working for another few hours right now, and your papa and Jesse won't be back until later tonight. What do you say we go enjoy having the house to ourselves for a while?"

"Can we watch a movie?"

"You bet. You can pick." Kayla said, turning the key and starting towards home.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.**

**That was only half a joke, by the way. Seriously, I feel like I'm going crazy right now. My world feels like it's in the process of being completely turned upside down. Eight days ago, my college campus was shut down for another week of Spring break. On-campus classes were shut down, and everyone is transitioning to online classes. A few days after that, one of my three roommates returned from Mexico and self-quarantined herself in our apartment. My school required her to call the CDC and ask whether there was anything else she needed to do. Due to a miscommunication, my school tried to make all four of us quarantine ourselves. I got a waiver from that so I could go to work, but right now the only two places I can really be are at home and at work.**

**My point is, I'm sorry for how long this update has taken, but recent world events have made it hard to avoid. I am still planning to continue this story, but with working, figuring out school, and the fact that I'm still working on my other story titled ** _ **Keep Your Perspective, ** _ **I can't for sure offer any definite time when another update will be available.**

**Wherever you all are, please stay safe. If you're quarantined, good luck. I can leave the house to go to work and this still feels like it'll kill me from boredom. I'll try to update this story and Keep Your Perspective as regularly as possible.**

**Again, you guys stay safe. Much love from me.**

Kayla despised throwing up.

She could handle almost any other symptom. Headache, nausea, dizziness, all of which she had, were nothing. But throwing up? No.

Yet again, she was in the bathroom, leaning over the toilet and throwing up for the third day in a row. Todd was worried, but he wasn't panicking since Kayla was seemed to be holding food and water down and didn't have any kind of a fever. Sam was a different story. He stood in the bathroom every time Kayla vomited, rubbing a hand up and down her back to comfort her. When Kayla had thrown up for the third morning in a row, Sam put his foot down.

"You're going to the doctor."

"I'm married to a doctor." Kayla said. "Dad, I have to go to work."

"You're going to the doctor. Call work or I'll call for you."

Kayla sighed. "Okay, okay. I'll go."

"I'll go with you."

"No. You won't." Kayla said. "Anytime you go to the doctor with me you hover. No. I'll go to the urgent care next to Todd's office, they'll see me the quickest."

"I don't hover." Sam huffed, slightly offended. When Kayla glared at him, Sam relented. "Okay, fine. I hover. But I'm just worried about you."

Kayla finished packing her bag and softened a little. "I know you do. I promise I'll go, and if there's anything to be worried about, I'll tell you tonight. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I gotta go. What are you up to today?"

"Just going to spend the day with Seth."

Kayla smiled. Seth was their elderly across the street neighbor. He and Sam had become friends. When Sam found out that Seth had no family that ever really came to visit him, he'd started spending most days there while Kayla and Todd worked and the two kids were at school. He bought groceries for Seth, made meals for him, took him to medical appointments and sat there with him, and just sat talking with him for hours at a time. Kayla invited him over three to four times a week, and Todd would often check him over and tell him if he needed to seek out a doctor. Seth had almost made Kayla cry when he told her that he'd been unsure if he'd ever have a family again. Putting an arm around his neck, Kayla had kissed his cheek and told him seriously _that's what we're here for._

"Tell him I said hi."

Kayla left and took her journey to the doctor's office. She called work and told them she was still coming, but would be in late. Her boss was understanding, telling her to call back if she couldn't make it. On a whim, Kayla called Tayler to come with her, who showed up just a few minutes later. When Kayla described her symptoms after handing the admission nurse her paperwork, Tayler's mouth dropped.

"Kay, what's wrong with you?" Tayler said. "I can tell you what's wrong with you right now."

"What?"

"You're pregnant!" Tayler whispered in Kayla's ear.

"What?" Kayla asked incredulously. Her mind started to turn as she thought back over the last few days, and she slowly started to smile. "You think?"

"It makes perfect sense! Throwing up at the same time every day. Feeling sick all the time. Yeah, girl. You're pregnant."

Kayla smiled again. She took a look at the admissions desk and turned back to Tayler. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"To get a pregnancy test and take it at your house."

An hour later, Kayla and Tayler were waiting for the test results. Sitting on Tayler's bed, Kayla's heart was fluttering and her brain was spinning. Was it really possible for her to be pregnant again? Samantha was fourteen and Jessie had just turned thirteen. If she was, would Todd and her father be happy about it? Would they be scared or worried? She wasn't even completely sure how she felt about it. The egg timer Tayler had set went off with a loud screech.

"I can't do it." Kayla said. "You read it and tell me what it says."

Tayler sighed dramatically. "Fine. Coward."

Tayler picked up the test, read the instructions that came with it, then read it over again. An anxious Kayla tapped her knee up and down over and over, until finally she couldn't take it anymore.

"Well? What does it say?"

Tayler turned over the test and showed it to Kayla. "Congratulations, Mommy."

Kayla was in shock. Everything stopped. Only in the last few minutes had the possibility of her being pregnant seemed real. Tayler was hugging her, but Kayla barely felt anything. She had a hand on her stomach, thinking of the baby that was inside.

"Hello!?" Tayler was shaking Kayla's shoulder.

Kayla jumped. "What?"

"I was saying what do you think about this? You're gonna be a mommy again!"

"I don't know how I feel about it to be honest." Kayla said. "I have wanted another baby for a while. But I never talked to Todd about it."

"Well, better get on that." Tayler said with another grin. "Might want to let your dad know too."

Kayla was suddenly struck with an idea. "You want to go with me to tell my dad and Todd?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about calling my dad and telling him to come meet me at Todd's office."

"You don't want to get checked out first?" Tayler asked. "Confirm it at the doctor's office."

"It's real." Kayla said. "I can feel it. Come on."

Despite Tayler's insistence that she get checked out first, Kayla called Sam over to Todd's office. Both of them were waiting outside when Sam pulled up, and an excited Kayla ran out towards him to give him a hug.

"What is going on?"

"Come in. I'll tell you in a minute. Promise."

Kayla dragged Sam inside by the hand. As happened so often lately, Kayla's exuberance brought back a flashback.

_Eighteen Years Earlier_

_Sam approached the church, shaking his head at how late he was. Jess's car was there, as was Kayla's, Todd's, Dean's, and Todd's parents. He turned off the car and walked inside, where the minister was almost done explaining the procedure for the next day. The minister went over the procedures for the following day in a condensed form for Sam, and a half hour later, the rehearsal was wrapping up._

"_Any more questions?"_

"_I have one." Kayla said. "Could my dad and I go to the reception hall for a few minutes?"_

"_Sure. I'll be in my office another half hour or so. Just come get me when you guys leave and I'll lock up."_

"_Okay. Thank you."_

"_Kay?" Jess asked from next to Sam. "What are you doing? We have dinner plans."_

"_We'll be there before you guys are done, Mom. Promise. I just want a few minutes alone with Dad."_

"_Okay. Don't take too long."_

_Kayla said goodbye to everyone, then pulled Sam aside. "Come with me."_

"_Where are we going?"_

"_Just come on." Kayla said. "Come with me."_

_Kayla grabbed Sam's hand and led him to the door of the reception hall of the church. She turned around, grinning._

"_Close your eyes."_

"_What are you? Two years old?"_

"_Just do it. Please." Kayla begged. "I can beg like I'm two if you want."_

"_No way."_

"_Okay then. Close your eyes please."_

_Sam closed his eyes and waited. He heard Kayla open the door and felt her take his hand, leading him inside and making him stand in what felt like the middle of the room. He heard Kayla turn off the lights inside the room, then walk over and grab his hand._

"_Okay. Open up, Dad."_

_When Sam opened his eyes, he gasped. "Oh, Bug. What is this?"_

_A projector was set up, alternating between various pictures of Sam and Kayla. They started from before Kayla was born, with a picture of Sam kissing Jess's very pregnant belly, all the way to a week earlier, with Sam and Kayla standing outside the doors of the very church they were standing in._

"_It'll be playing during our dance tomorrow." Kayla explained. "I thought you'd want to see it first."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because you'll be dancing with me." Kayla said. "I hope your attention'll be on me."_

"_My goodness." Sam said, unable to take his eyes off the projector. "You're so beautiful."_

"_Dad…" Kayla said, blushing._

"_You are. You always have been."_

_For a few precious, uninterrupted moments that Sam would hold onto for the rest of his life, he and Kayla stood silently, looking at all the photos and taking them in. Sam felt his heart weigh down heavily, both in joy and pain. Kayla was no longer his baby._

"_Stop it."_

_Sam stopped and sniffed. "Stop what?"_

"_You're not supposed to cry until tomorrow." Kayla said._

"_I'm not." Sam protested._

"_You're close enough. Stop it." Kayla said._

_Sam laughed. "Okay. Come on, let's go meet your mom."_

"_I have another idea. Let's practice."  
_

"_Practice?"  
_

"_For tomorrow. Our dance." Kayla suggested._

_Sam smiled. "Okay. Let's do that."_

"Alright, Kayla. Come on. What did you drag your dad and me down here for?"

Kayla turned to Tayler and smiled. Todd had agreed to meet her in the cafeteria of the hospital, which was across the street from his office. Sam took a seat, and Kayla stood, unable to get rid of the nervous energy she had.

"So, I went to the doctor this morning." Kayla said.

"And?" Sam asked. "Are you okay?"

"Were you feeling worse?" Todd asked. "Why didn't you call me?"

"Shh. Calm down you guys. It's good news." Kayla said. She took another deep breath. Tayler took her hand and the both of them laughed. "I wanted to tell you both together. I was just too excited."

"Tell us what?"

"I'm pre…Ow!"

Kayla suddenly doubled over, overcome by a sharp pain in her stomach. At first, it just felt like a cramp, and it seemed to go away. A concerned Sam and Todd were both next to her, but before Kayla could say she was okay, she had fallen to the floor, nothing but black all around her.

When Kayla woke, she knew right away that hours had passed. It was dark outside. She felt groggy, and when she tried to move, her sore stomach caused her to stop.

"Whoa, babe. Calm down."

"Todd?" Kayla asked. "What happened?"

"Kayla?"

"Dad?" Kayla looked on her other side, where Sam had apparently been sleeping. "What are you doing here?"

"How you feeling?" Sam asked.

"Sore." Kayla gritted her teeth. "What happened?"

"Babe. Look at me." Todd said.

Kayla turned to Todd and his somber expression caused her fog to immediately clear. "Todd? What is it? Just tell me what happened."

"When we were in the cafeteria earlier, were you going to tell your dad and me you were pregnant?"

Kayla frowned. "How'd you know?"

"You weren't pregnant, honey." Todd said.

"What? I took a pregnancy test."

Todd nodded. "Yeah. We don't really know why it registered as positive. But I'm sorry, babe. You weren't pregnant."

Even though Kayla had only thought she _was _pregnant for a few minutes, the disappointment was bitter. In the time it had taken her to call her father and get him down to the hospital, she had already started to make plans. How would she deal with having another baby? Would she quit her job? Was it a boy or a girl? Did she care? The spare bedroom they had would obviously be turned into the baby's room, but how much work would that entail? All those questions were now void.

"So what was wrong with me?"

"You had some sort of mass in your uterus. They don't know right now if it was a tumor or a cyst or what. But it was attached and growing against the wall of your uterus, and for some reason it detached and caused a lot of bleeding."

"Is that why I passed out?"

"Probably." Todd said.

Despite her disappointment, Kayla smiled. "Well, we could always try again." Sam and Todd shared a look amongst themselves, one that, despite the still heavy grogginess that was over her, Kayla didn't miss. "What? What are you not telling me?"

Todd nodded, and Sam leaned back in his chair, preparing himself for the bad news. "Kayla, you can't have any more kids."


	25. Chapter 25

Kayla stared at Todd, her mouth at first failing to work. She could never have kids again? She'd always dreamed of having another baby. Kayla had always pictured herself having three children-one boy, one girl, and what Kayla secretly referred to as a 'wild card' kid. Kayla had seen how happy it made her mother to still have a kid at home to take care of after Kayla had left for college, and Kayla had wanted the same for herself.

All that was over. Kayla knew, in her mind, that raising another kid wasn't completely out of the cards. She spent her days trying to convince other people to adopt and foster children that weren't their own. There were children whose need for a home was all they thought about, day in and day out. And while Kayla had always considered adopting or fostering, she wanted one more biological child.

"Why?" was all Kayla could choke out by way of explanation.

"Why?" Todd asked.

"What…what happened? Why can't I have any more kids?" Kayla asked.

Todd looked to Sam again, and Kayla finally snapped.

"I'm getting real sick of you two looking at each other like that!" she yelled. "Tell me what the hell happened to me, right now, or the second I'm up out of this bed, I'm packing up my children and moving out!"

"Okay, sweetie. I'm sorry. I'll tell you, just please lay back down." Todd begged. "Please."

"No. Tell me first."

"Fine." Todd swallowed and broke the news. "The doctor removed the mass. It was still inside your uterus. But they couldn't control the bleeding. Your blood pressure kept dropping, and you actually flatlined once."

"So what did they do?" Kayla asked.

"You had to have a hysterectomy." Todd said. "There was no other choice…"

Kayla's mental fog was beginning to clear, and she realized with a growing horror what exactly Todd was saying. "You gave them _permission_ to do that?"

Sam, who'd been watching Todd struggle to deliver the news, finally stepped in. "Honey, he didn't have a choice."

"And you didn't stop him?" Kayla asked. She'd never felt more betrayed. "Neither of you had the right to make that decision without talking to me first."

"Kay, we couldn't talk to you." Sam said. "You were unconscious and _dying_, honey. Todd had about three seconds to make the choice."

"Babe, please hear me out." Todd begged. "I was thinking of Sammie and Jessie…"

"Get out." Kayla said bitterly. "Both of you get out. Now."

"Kay…" Sam tried.

"GET OUT!" Kayla tried to grab her pillow and throw it at them, but another jolt of pain flared up and she let out a groan.

"Kayla…"

"I said get out. Get out now. Both of you." Kayla said.

A deep part of her knew that her anger was irrational. She knew that Todd would never have made that type of decision without consulting her _unless_ her life was in immediate danger. She could see it in his face. He was in almost as much pain about it as she was. Sam was the same. He wouldn't have allowed this if there was a chance that anything else would work. But all she could see was her own shattered dream.

"I want my kids."

"Baby, it's after midnight…"

"I don't care. I want my kids here. Now." Kayla said.

"Okay. Okay. Tayler has them. I'll go get them and bring them back…"

Kayla recovered a little of her senses. "No. Don't wake them up. Just bring them in the morning."

"We'll do that." Todd said. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want to see either of you right now. Just leave."

Kayla tried to avoid looking at either of their faces. She turned and stared out the window. Once she heard the door to the hospital room close, Kayla started crying softly. She was suddenly overcome with something she hadn't felt in full force in years.

Grief.

She wanted all the people in her life she couldn't have anymore. Bobby. John. Dean. Her mother. Her sister. Her grandmother. Leslie. The dreams she'd been having lately of Leslie as a toddler, running around the front yard of Bobby's house chasing a ball with various family members chasing after him, was no longer a source of comfort for her, but instead a source of deep pain.

Kayla must have fallen asleep, because what felt like a few seconds later, there was someone gently shaking her awake.

"Kay. Wake up, baby."

Kayla moaned and pulled her blanket up tighter against her. "No."

"Wake up, grumpy baby."

_Grumpy baby_, Kayla thought. Only one person had ever called her that before. Kayla opened her eyes and turned over.

"Mommy?"

Jess smiled. "You haven't called me that in years."

"What? What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you." Jess said. "I do that a lot."

"You do?"

Jess nodded. "Yep. We all do."

"All? Who's all?"

"Me. Your grandma. Bobby. Your grandpa. Mary."

"Where are they?" Kayla asked. "Can I see them now?"

"Sorry, honey. Only one of us at a time." Jess said.

"Why?" Kayla asked. "Mommy, please. I need you guys."

"Shh." Jess said. "Come here, baby."

"I can't."

"Trust me, honey. Sit up."

Kayla cautiously attempted to sit up, amazed when there was no pain. "What…? This is a dream, isn't it?"

"It's as real as you need it to be."

Kayla smiled and took her place next to Jess. She leaned into her mom's side, amazed at how familiar it still felt, even though Jess had been gone almost a decade. The two sat together in silence for a few minutes, before Jess began to wipe away the tears Kayla was crying again.

"Talk to me. What's going on?"

"I miss you so much." Kayla said. "Why'd you have to go?"

"I miss you too." Jess said. "I want every day to be here with you and your father."

"He's not the same person." Kayla told Jess. "He hasn't been ever since…"

"I know." Jess answered. "I know he's not. But you've helped bring him back."

"I haven't done anything important for him." Kayla said. "Nothing he wouldn't have done for me."

"That's my whole point, Kayla." Jess said. "You may not see it, but you've held all of us together in some way. Not just me and your father, but your sister, your uncle, your grandmother, Bobby. We would've fallen apart without you."

"I feel like I'm falling apart now."

"I know. That's why I'm here."

"Can you stay?"

"Until you wake up, I can." Jess said.

"Mom? Do you watch?"

"Watch?"

"Me." Kayla explained. "Do you watch everything?"

"I know what's going on." Jess said.

"They really didn't have a choice, did they?"

Jess nodded sadly. "Todd was telling the truth. The doctors couldn't stop your bleeding, and the only thing they could think to do was take out the source of it. He wasn't trying to hurt you on purpose."

"I know." Kayla said. "It just feels…"

"I can only imagine how this feels. But think about something. Think about all that you've been through in your life and how much you've overcome. This will pass too."

Kayla smiled. "How'd you know I needed to hear that?"

"Mommy knows." Jess said with a smile. "And I'll tell you something else. That dream you have sometimes? With Leslie running around the yard? It's not a dream."

"What do you mean?"

"It's sort of a picture. From me to you."

"It's real?"

"That's right. He's quite the playful little one. Just like someone else was when they were his age."

"Can I see him?"

"Look beside you."

Kayla turned to her other side and gasped. There sat a little boy, maybe four or five years old, with shoulder length brown hair and hazel eyes. He was grinning and missing a tooth, and had a hand in his mouth. Kayla was struck by how similar he looked to baby pictures she'd seen of Sam. She swallowed.

"Leslie?"

The little boy nodded. "Hi, Mommy."

Kayla laughed and grabbed him. "Hi, my baby." Still holding him close, Kayla asked, "Why isn't he older?"

"It's a long story. Just enjoy this." Jess said. "We don't have long."

"I miss you so much." Kayla said to Leslie, kissing his hair.

"I miss you too, Mommy."

"I'm sorry." Kayla said. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you."

"I'm okay, Mommy. Me and Nana has a good time up there."

"You do?" Kayla asked.

"Yeah. We do." Leslie answered. "I can't wait for you and Daddy to be there."

"Which better not be for a long, long time." Jess said.

Kayla nodded. "Got it, Mom."

"Mom?"

Kayla shuddered. She was somehow back in bed. This time, though, when she turned, there was pain again. It wasn't Jess and Leslie there with her; it was Todd, Sam, Samantha, and Jessie.

"Mom? Are you okay?"

Kayla turned around. "Hey, Sammie."

"Hey, Mom. Are you okay?" An anxious Samantha asked.

"Help me sit up, baby." Once she was propped back up onto her bed, Kayla pulled Sammie and Jessie to her for a tight hug. "I love you both so much, you know that?"

"We know, Mom. You okay?" Twelve-year-old Jessie asked.

"I'm just fine." Kayla turned towards Sam and Todd, both of whom were still looking guilty. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"Getting mad at you last night. This wasn't your fault." Kayla said. "Both of you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, baby." Todd said. "Are you okay? How are you feeling?"

Kayla took a deep breath before answering. "Better. We can talk more later." She finally released Sammie and Jessie, then nodded and said, more to herself than anyone else, "Everything's perfect just the way it is."


	26. Chapter 26

Time had done damage to the Whitaker family.

The teenage years had hit both kids hard. They turned, overnight it seemed to Kayla, from best friends to mortal enemies. They fought constantly over things like who got to use the bathroom to shower in the morning, who took the last bit of cereal from the pantry, whose turn it was or wasn’t to do the dishes, and anything and everything in between. Leaving the two of them to fight out their arguments seemed to take the pressure off of Sam, Kayla, and Todd for the most part, but it broke Kayla’s heart that her two babies seemed to not be able to stand each other.

“It’ll get better.” Sam promised. “Your uncle Dean and I went through this phase too. It’ll pass.”

To Kayla’s dismay, the one thing that Samantha and Jessie seemed to agree on was a strike against Sam’s authority. Sam was their grandparent, not their parent, so they shouldn’t have to listen to him, they argued. Kayla moved swiftly against their attempted coup. She pulled Todd and Sam into the hallway after sitting both kids down.

“Do you both trust me?” Kayla asked. When both nodded, Kayla gave them their instructions. “Todd, I need you to back me up. Dad, don’t say anything. Anything at all. Okay?”

Both agreed, and Kayla laid down her judgment. She told both kids they were right. They didn’t have to listen to their grandfather. It was a choice, one they were perfectly free to make. Had the situation not been so frustrating to Kayla, she might have laughed at the shocked faces both kids wore. Just as they started to smile, Kayla continued. Not following what Sam told them to do carried a major consequence. They would have to be under the direct supervision of Todd or Kayla, all day, every day, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. There would be no privileges, no friends, no parties, no sleepovers, no nothing other than the four walls of their room, their classroom, or Kayla or Todd’s office.

Suddenly, being with their Papa didn’t seem so bad. Kayla smiled when Sam had called her ploy “brilliant”.

To Kayla’s surprise, Sam had started dating again. He dated a sweet woman named Donna, who reminded Kayla of her long dead grandmother Leslie. She had never come over to Kayla’s house without a plate of cookies or a handful of candy, and not just for the kids. Donna and Sam had dated for a few months, and Kayla was starting to wonder if she’d found her new stepmother. The thought caused her a little guilt, until Todd reassured her that Jess would’ve wanted nothing more than for Sam to find someone to spend his life with.

Donna’s relationship with Sam seemed to be going flawlessly for a few months, until she started to develop memory problems. She would show up with the plate of cookies like usual, then forget she’d brought them and apologize for showing up with no treats. She’d forgotten once that she told Sam she was coming and just hadn’t shown up. Things came to a climax when she’d started cooking at Kayla’s house one day, as a surprise for Sam for his birthday, then laid down and forgotten, causing a kitchen fire. A week later, she was diagnosed with moderate Alzheimer’s, which was quickly progressing to advanced. It was a sad day, but Donna ultimately accepted that the best thing for her was to move in with her children, three states away.

Sam’s next girlfriend had nearly caused Kayla’s tongue to bleed from biting it so much. Joanne was an awful, foul woman who masqueraded as the perfect, sweet grandma who wasn’t actually a grandma at all. The first sighting of Joanne had made Kayla think of Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter. She was a stout, plump woman who constantly wore pink or purple. She had a cackling laugh that grated not only on Kayla’s nerves, but on Todd’s, Samantha’s, and Jessie’s as well. She was critical of Kayla, and told her more than once that she should work less and stay home with her children more. Sam had told her the first and only time Joanne had had the gall to say that in front of her to mind her own business, but Joanne continued the little digs. Thinking that Sam was happy with her, Kayla and the family kept silent, hoping against hope the two of them would break up in some way that wouldn’t hurt Sam too badly.

Joanne and Sam’s relationship came to a screeching halt one day, when Sam and Kayla overheard her talking on the phone to one of her equally vicious girlfriends about how it was ridiculous that Sam was still “hung up on that ugly skinny girl he was married to”.

Kayla had not seen such rage in her father in more than thirty years. Not since he’d found out what Art had done to her.

But that was in the past. Samantha and Jessie seemed to calm down approaching their senior and junior year of high school. They started getting along better, and other than minor arguments with their parents, got in no trouble. Both were accepted to college on scholarships, Jessie’s academic and Samantha’s a sport scholarship. Kayla had been worried Sam would struggle with an empty nest for the first time in his nearly seventy years of life, but she had barely had time to wonder what to do about it.

Kayla was humming a bit as she pulled the pie from the oven. She wrapped it in tinfoil and nodded, satisfied with what she’d created.

“Who’s the pie for?” Sam asked as he walked in.

Kayla took a breath before answering. “Todd.”

Sam, who’d gone to the refrigerator for something to drink, stopped and turned around to stare at Kayla. “You’re going to see him?”

Kayla nodded. “Yeah.”

“Good.” Sam smiled. “It’s about time you two worked this out.”

“I don’t know if I’d go that far.” Kayla said. “But it is time we talked at least. We should have done it a long time ago. The kids’ll be home tomorrow.”

“When are you gonna tell them?” Sam asked. “They need to know.”

“Tell them what?” Kayla asked as she went to grab her sweater and car keys.

“Tell them what? What do you think?” Sam asked. “That you and Todd have been separated for four months.”

Kayla glared at Sam, but she couldn’t say anything back. He was right. If the talk with Todd that night didn’t work, she would have to tell the kids something, and fast.

In the summer before the kids had left for college, Kayla had gotten a message at work one morning. The home of one of their foster families had burned down, and Kayla needed to go and find a new place for the foster child, since the parents had been killed. When Kayla saw the address of the fire, she’d had to force herself not to vomit.

The address was for Todd’s parents.

Six months before the fire, Kayla had helped Steve and Tara complete the process to become foster parents. Their first and only placement had been a fourteen-year-old girl named Alicia, who had been sleeping downstairs when the fire broke out. She’d gotten outside the house and went to the neighbors to call 911. But it was too late. Kayla had forced the case onto another social worker and run to her car, racing to the hospital as fast as she could. She’d found Todd just as a sheriff’s deputy had broken the news to him.

Kayla had hoped that Todd would let her take care of him in the days to come. He had always been there for her, caring for her in the worst of times ever since they were sixteen years old. But when Todd shut down, Kayla was unsure what exactly to do. She could handle the physical aspects of what Todd needed. She arranged the funerals, accepted the meals that came from the neighbors for the first few days, and helped both the children grieve their grandparents. Sam filled in wherever he was needed, and even tried to encourage Todd to talk about his parents so as not to let his feelings fester.

Eventually, Todd started to become angry. All the time. He would be angry that Kayla was working all the time, so Kayla cut back to part time hours. He would get angry that she wouldn’t leave him alone, so she kept her distance. Then he got angry that Samantha and Jessie seemed to never want to talk to him, so Kayla tried to encourage the two of them to call their father from time to time.

The anger gave way to drinking, and Kayla finally found her line. She and Todd had gone away one weekend to ‘talk’, which turned into an epic argument that resulted in Kayla storming out and Todd getting his own apartment. Sam had asked Kayla about what exactly had happened, but she’d changed the subject each and every time.

“I just want to see how tonight goes first. Then we’ll see.” Kayla said. “Hopefully Todd will at least come long enough to have Christmas with me and the kids. I don’t want to ruin their Christmas by dropping this bombshell on them.”

“Okay. That’s fair.” Sam said. He grabbed the orange juice out of the refrigerator and started to pour himself a glass. “You want me to go with you?”

“No. I think I need to do this alone.” Kayla answered. “But I’ll have my phone off, so if the kids call, just tell them I’m off with their dad and I’ll call them first thing in the morning.”

“You got it.” Sam said.

“I guess I should go.” Kayla grabbed the pie off the table. “You’ll be okay tonight?”

“I’m old, not infirm. I’ll be fine.” Sam said.

Kayla smiled. “Okay.”

She quickly kissed his cheek and started to head out the door. As she had her hand on the doorknob, the enormity of what that night meant suddenly struck her. Her marriage was at stake. Kayla gripped the doorknob so hard that her knuckles were white, and she flinched hard when she felt someone touch her shoulder.

“Hey, whoa. It’s just me. You okay?”

Kayla turned and grabbed Sam’s waist in a tight hug, something she hadn’t done in years. Sam, startled by the action, embraced her and stroked her hair. For a minute, they weren’t forty-six and seventy years old. Kayla was thirteen again, crying after a nightmare that left her shaking and frightened, the only cure for which was a hug from her father.

“Talk to me.” Sam said. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t want it to be over, Dad.” Kayla cried. “But I’m so scared it is.”

“Then tell him that’s what you want. Tell him you want it to work.”

“What if he says no?”

“Do you believe he loves you?” Sam asked. “Really, deeply loves you?”

“Yes.”

“Then he won’t say no.” Sam said.

Kayla sniffed. “How do you know?”

“Daddy knows, Kayla bug.”

Kayla chuckled and steeped back, wiping her face. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Anytime.” Sam said. “You sure you don’t need me to go with you? I’ll even sit in the car if you want me to…”

“No. I need to do this on my own.” Kayla said. “I promise I’ll call you if I’ll be late.”

“You’re not sixteen going off to your boyfriend’s house. You don’t have a curfew. You don’t have to call me.”

“I know.” Kayla said. “I want to.”

Sam smiled. “Go on. I love you, bug.”

“Love you too.”

Her courage repaired and her fear somewhat abated for the moment, Kayla finally climbed in the are and headed off. The drive’s to Todd’s rental house was a short one, but Kayla had only been there once since they’d separated. She’d come over and found Todd drunk and passed out on the couch, so she’d turned around and left without ever telling him she was there.

Kayla approached the front door of the house, her stomach turning in knots and doing backflips inside her. She knocked on the door and waited for what felt like an eternity. Just when she started to give up, thinking that Todd might not be there, the door opened and there he stood.

The first thing Kayla noticed was that he reeked of alcohol. He didn’t seem drunk at the moment, but Kayla knew that he was good at hiding it. He was unkempt, completely different from his normal look. His hair hadn’t been brushed and probably washed in quite some time, and he had grown a full beard that matched his salt and pepper hair. He looked ten years older than the last time Kayla had seen him healthy. Before she could say hi, Todd stepped aside.

“Well, if you’re gonna come in, come on in.”

Kayla stepped inside and the state of the house took her by surprise too. There were food wrappers, pizza boxes, and beer cans and bottles everywhere. The house looked as if it had never been cleaned. Kayla started to say something, until she noticed some papers on the end table nearest the grimy looking couch. Kayla’s heart slammed to a stop in her chest.

“You filed for divorce?”


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: So, this is the conclusion of the argument from the previous chapter. It's a lot shorter than any of my other chapters. I thought about dragging it out to be longer, but it seemed more natural this way. The real reason that Todd left is revealed in this chapter.**

"You filed for divorce?"

Todd took a seat on the couch and a swig from the beer bottle in his hand. He couldn't look Kayla in the eye.

"Todd. Answer me. You filed for divorce?"

"Yeah. I did." He answered simply.

Kayla stared at the papers in front of her with a gaping mouth, then looked back to Todd. "Why wouldn't you tell me? More importantly, why would you do it in the first place?"

"Come on, Kay."

"Don't come on me. Answer the question. Why did you do this?"

"I figured it was what you wanted."

"You can't know what I wanted." Kayla growled. "Because you haven't talked to me."

"And you've been here with me, right?"

Kayla deflated. She couldn't yell at Todd for not talking to her when she hadn't really tried to talk to him either. "Okay. Fair point. But still, this is a big move."

"We're not gonna work, Kay." Todd said, still looking in ever direction but at Kayla's face.

"Look at me." Kayla demanded.

When Todd ignored her and took another swig of his beer, Kayla ripped up the divorce papers and shocked him out of whatever stupor he was in.

"We are talking about this. Now. Answer my question. Why did you do this?"

"I figured it was what you wanted." Todd said.

"We have been together for thirty years. We've been married for almost twenty-five. You are the only person I've ever wanted to be with. Why would I want to end it?"

"Come on, Kayla. You know why."

"No, you stupid asshole, I really don't."

"Kay, just stop."

"Do you still love me?"

"That's not what this is about."

"Answer the question. Do you still love me?"

"Of course I do." Todd said. "I never stopped. I don't know if I could."

"Then why? Why would you do this?" Kayla asked again.

"You mean to tell me you want to try again? After what I did to you? I'm surprised your dad hasn't shown up to my door…"

"Wait. Wait." Kayla stopped Todd, trying hard not to laugh. "You haven't called or come to see me because you were afraid of my _dad_?"

Todd, embarrassed, said nothing.

"Todd, listen to me. I didn't tell him anything."

"What? Really?"

Kayla nodded. "Nothing."

"Then what does he think happened?"

"All he knows is that we had a big fight and you moved out. I haven't given him any details."

"That still doesn't make it okay." Todd said.

"No. You're right. It doesn't." Kayla said. "So what do you say? Come home? Please?"

Todd took a long look around. The dirty house, the ugly furniture, the hastily thrown together home. This wasn't working. He missed his home, his kids, and, most of all, Kayla.

"Yeah. Let's do this."

"Two things. First of all, I know you're upset about your mom and dad. I don't expect you to get over that quickly. I'm still not over my mom and Mary. If you need me, I'm here. If you want me to leave you alone so you can punch a pillow or something, I get that too. But you have to _tell_ me. No screaming at me, no yelling at me. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Second, and most importantly, don't ever, ever, raise your hand to me again. I can fight my own battles, but if you do it, I'll hand you over to my dad without a second thought."

Todd swallowed. Sam may have turned seventy years old earlier that year, but that didn't make him any less a formidable man than he'd been in his younger days. If anything, he was even more intimidating than before. And Sam still believed Kayla to be his baby girl, despite her only being a few years shy of her fiftieth birthday. Todd cringed when he thought about what Sam might do if he ever found out that Todd had hit Kayla.

"I'll keep this between us." Kayla assured Todd. "Once. Like I said, though, you do it again, all bets are off."

"Deal." Todd said. "I'm sorry."

"I know." Kayla said. "I know you are. I wouldn't be here if I didn't think you were."

"I just…I feel like my whole world's been…"

"I get that. I really do." Kayla said. "I always thought my mom and Mary would be here my whole life. That they'd be here for my grandchildren."

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"What do you do when you still miss them? When you want to talk to them or see them and you can't?"

Kayla sighed. "I still want them. I want them all the time. And when it's bad, I go to you or Dad. When the kids were little, I'd pick them up and give them extra hugs and kisses."

"It feels like it'll never get better."

"I know, baby." Kayla said. "I do. I'm so sorry."

"What do I do now?"

"Now, we go home. We wait for our kids to get back tomorrow. We give them one hell of a Christmas. Then you and me start over."

Todd smiled. "Deal."

"You know, we don't _have _go home right away." Kayla said. "My dad made it pretty clear that I'm not sixteen anymore and I didn't have to call home when I'm gonna be late visiting my boyfriend."

Todd laughed. "How can that feel like yesterday and a lifetime ago at the same time?"

"I know what you mean. So what do you say?"

"Just you and me? Here?"

"Yep."

"I like it." Todd said with a grin.

"Good. Start cleaning. This place has to be spotless before you can tell the landlord you're moving out."


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: This looks like the last chapter, but it's not! There's one more coming!**

_Nine Months Earlier_

_“I’m sorry, Sam. I wish the news was better.” _

_The ‘news’ the doctor referred to was bad, but unfortunately it wasn’t surprising. He’d known for weeks something was wrong, but he’d tried to push it down and explain it away. He was getting older. He was catching the flu. He had a stomach virus. Aches and pains were part of life. But he had known, deep down, that something was badly wrong, and he’d finally gotten the nerve to get checked as soon as he could get away from Kayla without her asking a lot of questions._

_“Do you have any questions for me, Sam?” Dr. Killion asked. _

_“Just one.” _

_“What’s that?” _

_“You want to help me tell my daughter?” _

It was over.

Sam knew it, even as he let Todd take him to the hospital for what seemed to be the dozenth time in a few weeks. Samantha and Jessie insisted on coming too, no matter how much Sam insisted they didn’t need to. Even though they were both adults, Sam didn’t want ‘the kids’ to worry about him too much.

The doctor had admitted him, and wanted to call the vacationing Dr. Killion back to the hospital. Sam refused. Dr. Killion had worked tirelessly, at the expense of time with his own family, to preserve Sam’s life as much as was possible over the previous months. Sam would not take him away from his wife and son, again, when Sam didn’t believe he’d be there by the time the doctor returned to town.

He’d never felt so weak. The constant pain and illness was nothing compared to the weakness. Standing up required assistance. He couldn’t do much of anything on his own. Kayla didn’t mind helping him, of course. She’d focused her whole life, for over two decades, on him, her husband, and her children. If they weren’t taken care of, she felt like she was falling down on her job.

It broke Sam’s heart. He was her father. He was supposed to take care of her. It felt wrong that Kayla felt obligated to take care of him.

As certain of things as he was, he was surprised that Kayla wasn’t there for it. She’d been across town, helping one of her foster care kids with something for school when Sam had passed out in the bedroom. He’d woken up almost right away, but Todd had already called Kayla and told her to meet them at the hospital.

A whine broke Sam out of his thoughts. Newlywed and new mother Samantha was sitting on the bed with him, trying to calm a squirming six-week-old Bonnie. Bonnie was the definition of a fussy baby. She never cried much, but Sam wondered if Bonnie was empathetic like Kayla had been as a baby. She seemed to be able to sense when someone she loved was hurt or not feeling well, and it caused her to not be able to settle down. Sam cleared his throat and cautiously touched Samantha’s arm.

“Can I hold her?”

“Sure.” Samantha said. “You sure you’re up to it?”

“Never been so sure of anything in my life.” Sam said with a smile.

“Okay.” Samantha laid Bonnie down in the crook of Sam’s arm, somewhere Bonnie had spent a lot of her short life so far. “Here you go.”

Bonnie calmed a little when she felt herself set down with Sam, but she looked up at Sam with big, wet eyes. Sam felt a strange sense of déjà vu. He’d sat on a hospital bed just like this when Kayla was around the same age. She’d woken up with a fever so high she was screaming, and wouldn’t calm down until they were at the ER and Sam laid down on the bed, holding her to his chest.

“Papa’s okay.” Sam told her. “I’m just not feeling too good right now.”

Bonnie continued to squirm, though the squirming seemed to be more to get Sam’s attention than to convey how worried she was. Sam poured all his energy into entertaining Bonnie. He rubbed her stomach, immediately calming the whining, and Sam found himself flooded with memories. Meeting and marrying Jess. Holding Kayla, Mary, Samantha, and Jessie just the way he was holding Bonnie now. Taking Kayla to her first day of school then crying his eyes out all day afterwards. Helping Kayla as she adjusted to having a little sister and moving to a new home.

He even missed the not so good times at the moment.

Jess falling into a coma and Sam being certain he would be having to raise his girls without a mother. He and Jess fighting over how best to handle a teenage Kayla’s outbursts. Feeling intensely guilty when unwittingly hurting Kayla’s feelings. Having nightmares from sending her to live with his father. Moving in with Kayla after Dean’s death.

"Come on, guys, let's let your mom and grandpa talk."

Sam hadn’t even seen Kayla come in. He recognized the look on her face. She was worried, and trying hard to hide it. Todd ushered everyone out of the room, lifting Bonnie up so Sam could give her a small kiss before handing her back to her mother. As everyone headed out into the waiting room, Sam heard Todd whisper to Kayla.

"I'm right out here when you need me."

Kayla, who was finding it impossible to talk without crying, nodded.

"Come here, Bug. Sit with me." Sam invited, patting the bed next to him.

Kayla couldn't help but laugh. "I'm fifty-two. I haven't been 'Bug' in thirty years."

"You'll always be my Bug."

As she moved to sit next to her father, Kayla asked, "Why do you call me that?"

"I never told you?" Sam swallowed hard. "When you were a baby, and we'd put you on the floor to play, you always made a noise like a cricket when you were happy. Dean said you sounded like a bug, and it stuck."

"Dean named me that?" Kayla asked. "That I didn't know."

Sam nodded. "Yep. He loved you so much."

"I miss him. I miss him bad. Especially right now."

Sam reached over and took Kayla's hand, and she immediately took that hand and put it to her cheek. He didn’t want to leave her. The pain Sam was going through physically was nothing compared to the guilt he felt knowing what he was about to put Kayla through. She spent so much time trying to spare him from any pain or sadness. Sam used what little energy he had left to pat Kayla's tear stained cheek.

"I'm sorry. I tried. I just can't fight anymore."

"I know, Daddy." Kayla said. "It's okay."

"My girl." Sam smiled. "Thank you."

"For what?" Kayla asked.

"Making me stay alive." Sam answered. "I thought that life couldn't be good anymore after your mother and sister died. You helped me see that it could only get better." Sam groaned a little in pain, and an alarmed Kayla started to run for a doctor. Sam squeezed her hand and refused. "No. No doctors. Just us."

"Okay, Daddy. Just us." Kayla promised.

It took a few moments for the pain to pass to a manageable level, and Sam continued with what he had to say. "When I was younger, I always dreamed of seeing my grandkids. Seeing my grandchildren's children was something I never thought possible. I couldn't have done that without you, Bug."

"My pleasure."

"I need you to promise me some things." Sam said.

"What?"

"I want you to sell our old house. The one we lived in with Mommy and Mary." Sam said. "I already put it in your and Todd's name years ago. I thought about doing it, but I just couldn't. Samantha and Jesse are out of college, so I want you to start a college account for Bonnie with whatever you get for it."

"I will, Daddy."

"I want you to either sell or rent out Bobby and your grandpa's house too." Sam said. "They're gone. We don't need to let it just stand until it rots."

Attempting to infuse whatever humor she could into the situation, Kayla grinned. "You afraid Bobby's gonna kick your ass in heaven?"

Sam managed as close to a laugh as he could get. "I'd like to see him try."

"Is that all?"

"No. One more thing. Look in my pants pocket."

Kayla got Sam's belongings bag and pulled out the sweatpants he'd apparently been wearing when he was admitted. She dug in each pocket until she came across something shiny and metal. When she pulled it out, she gasped.

"The keys to Dean's car?"

Sam nodded. "He wanted you to have it whenever I died. I just don't think he thought it would take this long."

"Daddy?" Kayla asked. "What's wrong?"

"It's time to go, Kayla bug. Daddy's got to go home now."

Sam could see it. She wanted to rage, scream, fight, beg, and demand that he not leave her. But Sam couldn’t do it anymore. He'd fought this vicious cancer as hard as he could, and he was finally worn down. He knew Kayla could see the years of worry, fatigue, happiness, disappointment, regret, and heartache all rolled up into one on Sam's face. It was time for him to rest now, and Sam’s battered heart took a pang at what she had to say.

"Tell Mommy and Mary I said I love 'em."

"I will." Sam promised. He held up his hand and Kayla held hers to his. "I love you so much, Bug."

"I love you too, Daddy. Go on, it's okay. I'll be fine."

Sam smiled, nodded faintly, then breathed out…and didn't breathe back in. For a few moments, Kayla couldn't process what had just happened. She knew Sam was dead, but the possibility that he wouldn't wake up and tell her that he didn't care if she was fifty-two or not, she was going to eat breakfast before going to work just didn't seem real to her. The code team ran in, defibrillators at the ready, but Kayla simply shook her head. When the reality slowly sifted into her brain, Kayla stood up on wobbly legs and walked over to her father, leaned down, and kissed his cheek tenderly. The sun was just starting to go down, so Kayla whispered the last words she'd ever speak to her father before burying him, then walked into the waiting room to collapse in Todd's arms sobbing.

"Good night, Daddy."

When Sam opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that he didn’t hurt anymore. He could move, he could think, he could see and smell with no problem at all. Sam laughed. It was over. But the happiness faded right away. He looked back and saw himself on the bed, medical team all around him.

He was dead.

It was bizarre. It was so final. He’d never be alive again. Before he could think about it too much, though, Sam heard another sound he was all too familiar with.

Kayla was crying.

Sam walked out of the room and looked around. He spotted Kayla in the waiting room, hanging on to Todd and weeping. Sam crossed the room, reaching out to try and hug Kayla…only to have his hand go straight through her. He felt someone else touch his arm, and when he turned, his breath left him.

“Hi.”

“Jess?”

“Not just me. Look.”

“Hi, Daddy.”

“Mary!”

The years had caused Sam’s memory of Jess and Mary to fade slightly. But here they were, right in front of him. As happy as he was, the sound of Kayla crying behind him was enough to make him hesitate. He held on to Jess and Mary but turned back to look at Kayla.

“Sam.” Jess said. “She’ll be okay.”

“I can’t leave her like this.”

“She’ll be okay.” Jess said again. “Trust me.”

“How do you know?” Sam asked.

Jess smiled. “Mommy knows.”

Sam nodded. “I missed you. Both of you.”

“Well, now you don’t have to.” Mary said. “Come on.”

“One second.” Sam turned towards Kayla, who had finally stopped crying and was talking to a doctor. He’d heard what she’d said to him, and couldn’t leave before he responded.

“Goodbye, Bug.”


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Okay, you guys. This is it. The last chapter. **

**I want to thank all of you for working through Kayla’s journey with me over the last few months. It’s been a tough road at times, but it’s one I’m glad I’ve taken. **

**But it’s time. Past time, actually, to put Kayla to bed. I’m still writing, I’m just not sure what exactly I’ll work on next. If I get some ideas, I’ll try to finish some of my unfinished stories. If not, we’ll just have to see. **

**I’m changing the title of this story, probably sometime tomorrow. The Things Unseen (Make The Soul Ache)-The In-Between just doesn’t seem to fit anymore. It doesn’t encompass enough of the story. **

**Thanks again, everyone. Stay safe and stay healthy. **

**Epilogue**

**Ten Months Later**

“Oh, my goodness. Where did Bonnie baby go?”

Kayla had clothes all over her bed, trying and failing at the moment to fold her laundry and put it away. Kayla and Todd were taking care of almost one-year-old Bonnie while Samantha and her husband Jack setup for Bonnie’s first birthday party later that night. Bonnie, who was sitting on the bed, had picked up one of Kayla’s large bath towels and thrown it over her head. At her grandmother’s silly question, Bonnie giggled.

“I hear her, but I don’t see her.”

Bonnie giggled again, then dramatically pulled the towel off her head.

“There she is!”

Bonnie giggled, which Kayla was thankful seemed to be her go to noise. Bonnie went to put the towel back over her head, only to be stopped by a pair of arms she hadn’t seen come up behind her.

“Oh, no, you don’t.”

Todd had come inside from checking the mail, and lifted the still belly laughing Bonnie high in the air. He flew her through the air, faking the noise of a sputtering airplane as he placed her back down on the bed. Kayla took advantage of the opportunity and folded and put away the towels that Bonnie was trying so hard to play with.

“You rile her up like that and you’ll never get her to take a nap.”

Todd handed the mail to Kayla with a smirk. “Who said I’m the one that’s going to put her down for a nap?” he asked, even as he picked Bonnie back up.

“Who said I’m the one to put you down for a nap tonight?” Kayla laughed as she finished putting away the clothes.

“Gampa.”

“Atta girl.” Todd said, kissing Bonnie’s cheek and laying her back down on the bed.

Kayla shook her head as she sat back down and started to sort through the mail. Bonnie’s first word had been Mama, followed only two hours later by ‘Gampa’. Kayla gave up the fight getting Todd to lay Bonnie down for a nap, leaving them to their own devices as she sorted through the mail. Most of it was junk mail, one piece was a letter from a friend of Kayla’s, and another was a package.

The package caused Kayla to gasp and drop all the other mail on the floor.

“Kay?” Todd asked, worried at her abrupt change in demeanor. “What’s wrong?”

Kay turned the package so that Todd could see the sender’s address.

_The Law Offices of Finchell and McKee_

“It’s from Dad’s old law firm.”

“Open it up.” Todd encouraged, grabbing a toy to keep Bonnie distracted.

Kayla pulled the top of the envelope off, and out onto the bed fell a stack of envelopes. What caught Kayla’s eye first, however, was a folded piece of legal paper. Kayla opened it up and her eyes filled with tears.

“Oh, my God.”

“Kay? What is it?” Todd asked.

“It’s from my dad.”

“Your dad?”

“Yeah.” Kayla said. “It’s a letter from him.”

“Do you want to read it to me?” Todd asked. “Or I can take Bonnie outside.”

“No.” Kayla said. “No, just…just stay, okay?” Kayla read the letter to Todd with a broken voice.

_Hey Bug._

_It sounds like a cliché, but if you’ve got this package, it means I’m dead. I don’t know how long it’s been, but hopefully it’s been long enough you’ve gotten into somewhat of a routine. _

_I thought about having this letter sent exactly a year after my death, but I decided to have it sent on my birthday instead. I knew that you’d be thinking about me a lot then, so I decided that’s when you’d need to see this the most. I knew you’d be thinking about me because you always thought about your mom closer to her birthday._

_You don’t remember, but when you were a baby, you united our family in a way that I had never thought to be possible. You made your uncle Dean and your uncle Bobby smile again. Your grandmother Leslie was having a hard time with your grandpa Lucky’s death, but you gave her life meaning again. Your grandfather opened up again and wasn’t scared to have a family. All of that was possible because of you. _

_I know I’ve told you this before, but your grandfather and I did not have a good relationship while I was growing up. I know that he did his best, and I forgave him a very long time ago, when you were just a baby. But it’s because of that I want you to know this. I want you to read it, say it over and over to yourself whenever you need to hear it. And, my gut tells me, you will need to hear it. _

_The other letters in this envelope are for you. I’ve been writing them your whole life. Read the letters and you’ll find out why I felt the need to write to you each time, but I wanted you to have them. Before you read them, there’s some things I want you to know. _

_You told me once that you were grateful I’d been so patient with you when you were a teenager. Watching your children grow up, and being here to see **your** first grandchild was a blessing that I had no ability to conceive of for a very long time, but which you made possible._

_I love you. I love you and I am so proud of the woman you grew up to be. We haven’t always had the most stable relationship, but there has never been one moment, since the moment your mother told me she was pregnant with you, that I have not been full of pride and immense gratitude that I got the privilege of being your Daddy. _

_The point is this. You have done much, much more for me than I ever could have done for you. Thank you seems so shallow, but it’s all I can say. Thank you, Bug. Thank you so much. _

_Please, Bug. I need you to do something for me. You’re fifty-one years old. You’re children are adults now. Live the rest of your life for you. Enjoy Bonnie and any other grandchild you may have. If you let them, trust me, they can give you a kind of joy that you’ve never experienced before. _

_Keep this letter if you need to, Bug, but don’t let it stop you from living your life. I’m fine. It’s your turn now._

_Goodbye, Bug. _

_Love forever and ever,_

_Daddy_

“Bonnie, no.”

Kayla heard Todd tell Bonnie no, but before she could look up, she felt a small hand on her cheek. Kayla opened her eyes and found Bonnie sitting in front of her, looking concerned and patting her grandmother’s cheek, just like Kayla did to calm her down when she was upset.

“Gamma got boo boo?”

Kayla sniffed and put down Sam’s letter, then kissed Bonnie’s hand. “No, baby Bonnie. Grandma’s not hurt.”

“Gamma sick?”

“Grandma’s okay, baby.”

Kayla picked up Bonnie and hugged her, and was surprised it brought as much comfort as it did. She checked the clock. It was eleven in the morning, and there was still six more hours before Bonnie’s party.

“Will you take Bonnie somewhere for a couple of hours, please?” Kayla asked. “I’d like to read these by myself.”

“I don’t mind doing it at all. But are you sure you want to be alone?” Todd asked. “I could call Jessie and ask him to take Bonnie.”

“Unca JJ!” Bonnie exclaimed from Kayla’s lap, clapping to make her point.

Kayla smiled. “You want to go see uncle JJ?” Before Bonnie could answer, Kayla asked, “Would you take her to Jessie’s and just stay there? I’ll call you if I want you to come back.”

“Deal.” Todd said. “Come on, Bonnie. Let’s go to JJ’s.”

“Gamma go.”

“Grandma’s going to take a nap, okay?” Kayla said. “I’ll see you later tonight.”

“Baby ‘tay with Gamma?”

Kayla smiled. “Yes. If it’s okay with Mommy, you can stay with Grandma and Grandpa tonight.”

Bonnie’s arms shot out. “Huggies.”

“Huggies.” Kayla agreed.

Bonnie and Kayla shared a quick hug, and Todd left with her with nothing more than a reminder to call him if she needed him. Once Todd was in the car and pulling down the driveway, Kayla turned her attention back to the letters. There was a total of six of them, and they were all dated, so Kayla put them in order and started to read them. The first was short, less than a page long, and was from before she was born.

_Hey sweet girl. _

_That’s going to take some getting used to. Your mom and I just found out today that you were a girl. I’ve been swearing up and down for weeks now you were a boy. Your mother will never let me live this down. _

Kayla laughed. Sam had told her before that he’d thought she was a boy before she’d been born.

_I don’t have too much to say yet. I just want you to know that Daddy loves you so much. I can’t wait to meet you in person. _

_Much love, _

_Daddy_

Though the first letter warmed her heart, Kayla moved quickly to the second. She was six weeks old in this one.

_Hey kiddo. _

_You gave me, your mom, and your grandma quite the scare last night. You’ve had your nights of waking up more than a few times, but ever since you turned a month old, you’ve pretty much been sleeping through the night. _

_I knew something was off with you yesterday. You just seemed to not have the energy to cry. Your grandma kept telling me it was okay, you were just getting your first cold. A day or two and you’d be back to your happy self. _

_I love your grandma. I love her so much. But I wish I’d told her to mind her own business. _

_Last night, around eleven, just when your mom and I were getting ready to get in bed ourselves, you woke up screaming. I mean hair-raising, knock the paint off the walls screaming. I didn’t think someone so little was even capable of all that screaming. Goodness, kiddo, you’re only six weeks old. If you’re like this now, what are your temper tantrums going to be like when you’re two and three?_

Kayla laughed. She remembered Sam telling her about that emergency room visit once. He’d said that, until that moment, he’d never been so scared before.

_Anyway, after I picked you up to check on you, you calmed down but were still fighting something. You wouldn’t lay still. I went to wipe your face and that’s when I found it. You were burning up. Your grandma took your temperature and had to check it again. _

_It was 106. _

_We took you to the ER and the doctor kept you for a few hours. Turns out you have the flu. I’m sorry, baby. I wish I could take everything making you feel so bad and just be sick myself instead of you. But it seems to help you feel better when I let you lay down on my chest, so that’s what I’ll do. _

_I’m still getting used to this Daddy thing, sweetie. I keep worrying I’m going to mess up and cause you pain somehow. But last night, even though you were sick, you calming down when I held you felt like a victory. I keep thinking I can’t love you any more than I do right now, but it seems like I love you a little more as each day goes by. You might just make my heart pop one day, kid. _

Kayla swallowed at the lump that appeared in her throat. She missed her father every single day, but she was finally becoming able to function through the day without it hurting so badly. Before she moved on to the next letter, Kayla picked up a photo she kept on her nightstand.

It was one of her favorites. It had been taken when she was nine. There were birthday decorations all around, celebrating Mary’s first birthday. She was standing in front of her John, who had a hand on her shoulder and was smiling. Her uncle Dean stood next to her, soccer ball in his hand that he’d been kicking around with her just moments before. Jess and Leslie were also there, on the other side of John. Bobby was wearing two oven mitts, having just finished serving the barbeque he’d made everyone for lunch. Sam was not standing with the group, and was bending down trying to grab a running away Mary.

Kayla had thought looking at the photo would make her feel better. But it only intensified how much she missed her father when she realized that everyone in the photo was dead now. Taking a deep breath, Kayla put the photo face down on the bed and moved on to the next letter. It had been written when she was eleven, almost twelve, and the family had just moved to Washington, D.C.

_Hey Kayla Bug. _

_It’s been a while since I wrote a letter to you. To be honest, I’d forgotten about the two I’d written to you before. Your mother found them when we were unpacking, and that’s when I got the idea to write you another one. _

_You’ve been having a hard time the last few weeks. I know you don’t think I see that, but I do. I get it. This place doesn’t feel like home to you. You miss your grandpa and uncles. You miss your school and your friends. Honey, I do get it. When I was growing up, we moved a lot. I stopped counting at forty times, and that was just by the time I was your age._

_I know you’ve been through a lot in the last few months. You miss your grandma. I miss her too, kiddo. But I felt like we all needed a reset button, so when I was offered this new job, I took it. I’m sorry. Like I said, I do know how you feel. You lost your grandma, then feel like you lost everyone else too._

_I know it might not help, but I promise I won’t let us lose touch with your grandpa and uncles. We’ll talk to them every night if that’ll make you feel better. We’ll go see them at least once every other month. I debated whether or not to tell you this, and I’m still thinking about it. But your mom and I decided that if you’re still miserable the summer before you start high school, we’ll think about moving back to South Dakota. Me having this job is not worth your happiness._

“Oh, Dad.”

Kayla left the bedroom to take a break. She had never known that her parents were talking about moving back to South Dakota years months before they actually did. All because she wasn’t happy. After the break, she turned back to the letters.

The next one was from when she was fourteen. Kayla had a feeling she knew what was in this one, and she didn’t want to see it. Even though it had been almost forty years earlier, Kayla didn’t want to relive that time in her life. They were far less frequent than they had been, but there were still nights she felt Art’s presence. There were days she would catch a stranger looking at her and swear it was him. Hands shaking slightly, Kayla opened the letter.

_Hey Bug. _

_It’s been a long year. This one almost broke us. _

_Listen to me, huh? Talking about how rough it’s been for me. But again, the guilt is keeping me up. Your mom keeps trying to tell me it’s not my fault. But I feel like it is. I didn’t protect you like I should have, and there’s no excuse for it. _

_I’m so sorry, Bug. When I think about how much pain you must have been feeling all throughout this year, and how alone you must have been feeling, it makes me ashamed to know that I added on to that. I feel like maybe, just maybe, if I’d been a little more understanding, and not so quick to punish you for every time you acted out, you might have told me or your mother or maybe even your uncle what happened. And sending you away from home? That just sealed the deal on an already screwed up situation. _

_I can’t say I’m sorry enough, baby. I know I acted like I was sure I was doing the right thing that night your mom and I took you to dinner. But the truth is, I already felt like a failure. I felt like you going to grandpa’s was a way for us to take a break, to regroup and try to figure out how to get back to where we were. I knew something was wrong with you, something worse than just normal teenage rebellion. But after I asked and you didn’t want to open up to me about it, I convinced myself I was just overreacting._

_I’m burying these letters, but I feel like you should know at some point in your life. I may change my mind at some point and rip this letter up. Hopefully, by the time you ever read it, you’ll be grown up, possibly with children or maybe even grandchildren of your own. Your mom and I talked about whether or not to tell you at all, and I decided that the best time would be after all of us were gone. _

_The first thing I need to tell you is about Art. He didn’t kill himself. Your grandfather, uncles, and I picked him up and brought him back to Sioux Falls. I confronted Art, then came back to the house to be with you while your grandpa and uncles took care of him._

“I knew it.” Kayla whispered to herself.

_I hope this doesn’t make you think any less of any of us. _

Kayla shook her head. “Not a chance.”

_At least we know you’re safe now._

_I’ll do my best to do better by you, Bug. I’m here for you. I wish I could say that I’d make sure no one ever hurt you again, but I know that’s impossible. I can promise you that I’ll always be here for you whenever you need me. Your mom and I are packing up the house as fast as we can, and we’ll be back with you soon. _

_Love forever,_

_Dad_

There was one more letter, but Kayla couldn’t bring herself to read it yet. A phone call from Todd gave her an excuse not to, but checking the clock afterward, she decided she wanted to know everything Sam had to say before Bonnie’s party.

But there was something off about the date of the final letter.

It had been dated just a few weeks before Sam had told her he had cancer.

So far, all three letters had been written to her at times when Sam was unsure about himself or their relationship. Kayla remembered the months before Sam broke the news about his diagnosis as happy ones. Had Sam actually known long before he told her how sick he was? Kayla shook her head. The only way to know for sure was to open the letter and read it.

_Hey Bug. _

_I got some bad news today. I won’t lie and say that I’m not scared. I am. But not for me. I know that me leaving you will cause you pain, and I hate that. _

_I don’t know when I’m going to tell you for sure. I can’t do it right now. I need to grasp it myself. Before I get much sicker, I will tell you the truth, but I need some time. _

_One of the reasons I didn’t tell you now is because I’ve decided not to get treatment. The cancer is very advanced. I asked the doctor how it could get this advanced without me feeling a lot sicker. I didn’t get it-Dean was sicker than this and his wasn’t as advanced when he was diagnosed. The doctor just told me that everyone’s body works differently. If everyone got exactly the same symptoms at exactly the same speed, he said, a lot of lives would be saved. _

_Enough of that. I’m meeting with a couple people at my old law firm tomorrow. I already have a will, I’m just going to update it. I’m also going to leave instructions about when and how you’re to get this letter. _

_But there’s one thing I want to make sure you know. _

_I don’t know how or when exactly it will happen, but sometime before your fifty-third birthday, you’ll get the chance to do something that might at first seem crazy. I want you to trust me-not only will it be okay, but you’ll get the chance to help me with something. When it happens, don’t be afraid, baby. Just roll with it._

_The next few months are going to be hard. I know I’ve said it in the other letters, but it’s still true. I love you and I’m crazy proud of you. You are the best part of your mother and me. No matter what life brings you when I’m gone, remember that._

_Much love always, _

_Daddy_

Kayla was speechless.

What could she say? Though she loved the precious gifts the letters were for her, they raised more questions than she’d ever had before. For Kayla, even in the darkest hours of her life, she’d never doubted that Sam loved her. But what exactly did Sam mean by ‘you’ll get the chance to help me with something?’ What could she help her father with months after his death?

Deciding to mull it over later, Kayla went to Bonnie’s party. The letters gave her an all new appreciation for her family, and she went to bed that night feeling at peace for the first time in months.

“Wake up, Bug.”

Kayla stirred a little and whined in her sleep.

“Come on, Bug. Wake up.” 

Kayla opened her eyes to find Todd still sleeping next to her. Bonnie had begged to come home with them after her party, and would only fall asleep lying between her grandparents, so she was cuddled up in the middle of the bed, her far too big for her stuffed elephant securely tucked into her arms.

“Bug.”

With a start, Kayla jumped and looked beside the bed. Her breath caught in her throat, not from fear, but cautious optimism.

“Dean?”

“Hey, kiddo. Come with me.”

Kayla didn’t know what made her do it. Dean being here after more than two decades made no sense. Sure, she’d had dreams about Dean before, but this seemed real. She followed Dean out into the living room and got a better look at him.

He was wearing the outfit Kayla remembered him in the most. Faded jeans, boots, a green shirt, a black flannel on top of it, and a thick leather jacket. Kayla remembered sleeping wrapped up in that jacket many times. Kayla reached out to touch Dean’s face.

“Dean?”

“Hey, kiddo.” Dean said. “You gonna hug me or what?”

Kayla grabbed Dean’s waist and held on tight. “Is this real?”

“What do you think?”

“It’s as real as I need it to be?”

“Bingo.” Dean said. “I’ve missed you kid.”

“God, I’ve missed you too.”

“Come on. We need to talk.” Dean walked to Kayla’s couch, and once they were sitting, he got right down to business.”

“I think you know why I’m here.”

“Dad’s letter?”

“Yep.” Dean said. “I’m here to take you to him.”

“Take me to him? What does that mean?”

“I can’t give you all the details. Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

“So here’s how it works. You may not know this, but the Christmas after you turned thirteen, your dad made a wish.”

“A wish?” Kayla asked.

“Yeah. He wanted to know what was hurting you so bad.”

“He did?” Kayla asked. “I didn’t know that.”

“He did. And if you want, you can help him fulfill that wish.”

“How?”

“Don’t ask me the specifics. But basically, you’ll go back in time.”

“What?”

“Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to go back in time and help your dad understand what you went through.”

Kayla shook her head. “No.”

“Kay…”

“No! No, okay?” Kayla insisted. “I didn’t tell him for a reason.”

“Kay. Honey, just listen to me.” Dean said, in exactly the way that used to calm Kayla down whenever she fought with Sam. Kayla took a deep breath, and Dean continued. “Just listen. I know you don’t want your Dad to know about it. I get that. But he needs to know.”

“Why?” Kayla asked.

“Because if you don’t, then your dad will spend years blaming himself. But this will help him understand that it wasn’t all his fault.”

“It wasn’t _any_ his fault.”

“You know your dad almost as well as I do. Do you think he’ll ever not feel like it was his fault?”

Kayla sighed. “No.”

“I’m not saying this will make your dad stop feeling guilty. But if you don’t…”

“If I don’t, what?”

“If you don’t, your dad will spend his whole life eaten up with guilt. And bad things will happen.”

“What do you mean bad things?”

“That I can’t tell you, kid.” Dean said. “I can only tell you a little. But if you don’t do this, it’ll change your life and your dad’s for the better.”

“What kind of crap assignment is that?”

Dean chuckled. “Take it or leave it, kid.”

“I’ll take it.”

“Good call. So here’s how it works.”

Dean’s instructions left Kayla feeling like she was truly crazy. How could this possibly work? But somehow, she knew it would all be okay. Besides, she’d get what she’d wanted every day for the past ten months. Dean said goodbye again, and Kayla found herself standing in a familiar place she hadn’t seen in years.

Sam and Jess’s bedroom.

Kayla cleared her throat and called her father’s name.

“Samuel Winchester.”


End file.
